today is good so far, I woke up at 10:30 on my own...no alarm or anything. And I didn't go to bed til like 2:30am...I'm adding more to this post. Lets see today was pretty cool, I didn't really do to much. I hung out with my little sis. I love you Lani. we went to the storage unit...I found my contacts, I've been looking for them for like a month already. I found a lot of stuff I wanted. My ankle feels good today too. it's only the 3rd day that I've been able to take the boot off & walk around. I was scared at first to go out with it off. It was all tight, but it felt really good today. :) I was so happy I got to see John a lot yesterday. John is like my little brother. I love him to death. I got go to the movie with him and just hang out. It was like "old times" hahaha. Any ways, I love you lani...be careful. :-p

I went to the movies tonight...:)

I really wish I had someone here to talk to. Not in a bad way or anything, It just sucks being the only person here (at work). I should practice typing words like "just", "always", and "because". I always mess up the letters when I type them. It's 'cuz I always try to rush it. I try to rush typing everything.
I don't even think people read this site anymore... I'm pretty sure Lani & Crystal read it on a regular basis...but no one ever comments on it. Not even when I ask questions. That's the only thing I care about, if I ask questions... I want people to answer. :( Anyways. My life is absolutely CRAZY right now! hahaha. I can't wait to get back to Colorado.
Lani, when are you gonna come visit me...I am trying to talk mom to coming up with you for Christmas break...but grandma comes in on December 24th... Totally messing up Mine & Crystals "Christmas Idea" who knows maybe there is a way to talk mom into all 3 of you coming, mom can stay in a hotel w/ grandma! we can go snowboarding!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want a white Christmas Damn it!!!! I want to have the Party w/ Crystal & make snowflakes w/ everyones name on it.... UUAHHHAGGGGG!!! (that was a funny scream! hahahah)
I really want to spend Christmas & New Years in Colorado...my new home.... But I would feel like a complete ass if I didn't see grandma when she came down. I mean I am her oldest grandchild. But uggghghhghhghgh! F&^% Man! this sucks... Help me out here... I'm tired of not being on my own, look! I can't even make my own plans, something always changes it... Family, I love my family but GEEEZZZZ I just want to get away from them for a while. (a long while, then only see them for special occasions... hmph! like holidays... damn... I haven't been away long enough for this one yet.)
By the way, I need to have a talk with my dad. I already had one with my mom. I kinda just want to say somethings to him that I never said, and who knows...maybe I'll actually have the courage to say what is really on my mind. what I really think. I'm tired of holding it in, I've been doing that for way to long. And he need to know before it hurts him in the long run. I wonder what he'd say.

Once again I am very tired. :( I really should work on getting more sleep. But, I did have fun not getting enough sleep...I watched a movie...wanna know, wanna know? huh? huh? huh? Star Wars Episode II! Yay! It was the first time I had seen it. Very good. I don't even remember when it came out though, some time in the last year, right? Well Life is pretty good, it is gonna be Crazy when It gets closer to time to leave for Colorado again. But I can't wait, I miss it already. I still haven't seen Marie, John, or My dad. I tried calling my Dad but he never called me back, he knows I'm moving, I don't understand why he doesn't even try. Kinda Fucked up if you ask me. But then again I shouldn't be surprised, he didn't show up for my last swim meet...Yeah, I STILL have issues over that, I should jsut get over it. But I can't :(...I am way to used to being dissapointed by guys. This better not last for the rest of my life.

YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY! I had a doctors appointment this morning, and I get to start working the boot off! WooHoo!!! Within a week I sould be wearing shoes! Both of them! yaaaayyyy!!!!!! I want a pair of Globes so bad! I loved my Globes, they were so Comfortable and they looked good on me!

I truly wonder how many Mike's I am going to meet this Month.... I'm a Mike-Magnet... Here's how this one e\went. I got on the Greyhound leaving Denver at 6:15pm. I had to change busses at 3:20am. Wel the first bus had a lot of empty seats, this one... I had to share a seat, I dreaded the thought of having to sit next to a stranger for twelve hours. that is a long time, so when I got on the bus I picked out a seat next to a guy I had overheard say that he'd just finished paramedic school, I figure that way we at least have something in common. We talked a little bit, then he fell asleep. No fair! I was so tired and I couldn't fall asleep. Well around 7am realize I don't even know the dudes name. Well I pick out three names that look like they would fit him: Adam, Mike, and Bryan (just for shits and giggles). Well I finally started noding off. I think on my whole 20 hour trip I slept for two hours. I am so exausted right now! the bus made a couple of stops for a few minutes at each place. I think finaly around 11:30 he was totally awake. well we were talking about our return trips, since we were both going round trip, him from Albequerqe to San Diego and back, and me from Denver to Phoenix and back. Then I was telling him abnout how many Mike's I had met in the last two weeks and he says "well now you know one more Mike, my name is Mike." I was like "what?!?" heheheh...funny huh? I am a Mike magnet. He was nice though he let me fall asleep on his shoulder and we laughed at the crazy guy in th back together. By the way he ws in Paramedic School for the Air Force... He does Para-Rescue. Cool huh. He goes back to Albequerque on Saturday I don't go back to Denver until Tuesday December 3rd. :( it was cool talking to him though. I miss colorado, I wanna go back already...Phoenix doesn't even feel like home any more, it's so weird. But my trip down was Amazingly long! but it was okay. I am so tired...did I say that yet?

10:10am...This is the earliest I've been awake in like three days! Can you believe it? I'm really tired though, I've been staying up way to late. I was up 'til 4am last night. Yeah I definetly want another hour of sleep, at least. Off to bed I go again...Good night! (~or morning, hehehhe~)

Wow! It's 7:20 and I am just now posting. I usually do it really early in the day... Not much to write about right now. I go back to Phoenix tomorrow, but I move up here December 3rd! Yay! It's gonna be so Awesome. Okay, well I am going to go now, nothing to write about...Bye.
~Pat made the dogs fall all over me, and Keiki kept whacking me in the head with her tail. Punk!

Thoughts of Yesterdays
Jonya Ululani Repucci

He never told me it would last forever,
I guess I just assumed it would go there.
The end of three years took just an instant,
I shiver and remember with tears.
I never dreamed life could change so fast into “What might have been?”
From dreams of tomorrow and the rest of our future,
To thoughts of yesterday and of MY past.
I feel so lonely as I stand right here.
My throat gets tight, fingers around it, memories rush back.
It’s not real this time, but still I fill with fear.
I always thought I could defend myself, always thought I was so tough and so strong.
But now grabbing at his hands I feel myself break.
I haven’t felt this low in so long.
My memory fades back to my past it’s my dad this time,
His hand around my wrist, I just wanted to run away.
A fight over scissors that ended with the snap of a belt,
Again I am broken… Back to thoughts of yesterdays…
I reach up to my face; I swear I can still feel that scab.
Back in the driveway, how did I end up on the ground?
My knees and my hands are scraped up my throat still hurts…
But that’s not what hurts most
I feel like he took my heart along with my breath in that one moment.
I told myself “Walk away. Walk away and never look back.”
But it’s hard to not look back, I wonder if he could change.
I wonder if it would be the same fear or if I’d live in fear.
I look deep down I know the truth inside.
This time just makes it easier for next time,
And next time I might not be so lucky to walk away,
With a scab on my face and a scar on my heart…
So I will walk away, but I still look back.

This is funny. (not really, but to me it is) I woke up late again. One o'clock, this is what I get for staying awake until 4am. Well I sat down to get on the computer and I wasn't even thinking about how I sleep. But I looked down and there is a big "X" on the inner part of my left leg, right by my knee. I was like "What the? How did that get there?" I totally forgot that on the backside of my right hand there is a big black "X" from the concert last night. I looked again, there is an "X" in the same spot on my right leg. I think that one is just a copy of the one on my left leg. Hehehe, I think it's funny.

I have no idea what I got on to write about...I went to a "Lords of Acid" concert tonight. I pretty much had a blast, except for the fact that I was exhausted when it was over. I still dunno what I wanted to write. The concert was fun though. They had some pretty good songs. hehehe. I saw a bumper sticker on the way home that I liked.

"I started with nothing, and I still have most of it"

It went something like that. here is my own.... "life is weird like that sometimes, but hey you gotta live it. So why not LIVE it."

ps. I have my own picture style ~You can't steal it all cliffy! I thought of it first...but I'll let you use it, 'Cuz I'm nice.~

I just remembered something...I woke up crying this morning. I woke up right when the tears started falling. It was weird, it felt like I should be crying, so I rolled over, wiped them off and fell back asleep. I don't even remeber why. Someone was gone, but I don't remember who he was... Hmph! my knight in shining armor dissapeared. That's what it felt like at least. I wanna scream. I fell like I have all these problems and no one wants to help, I feel so confused and I feel like there is no one to listen. Why? I think it's because of yesterday.

I wish I knew what was going on in my life! What's going on in my head? I can't think strait. My mind is full of all these "Thought Balls" I wanna reach up and grab one but they are bouncing to fast! Stop slow down!!!!!!!!! Uggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!

"Live today to the fullest, because tomorrow is not promised."

OKay, so I'm over it from earlier... Today was just one of those hard days. But it got a lot better than it was. I had fun we went to Crystals dad's union dinner for Thanksgiving. It was hilarious, ther were raffling off a ton of turkeys. Chanelle, Pat, Crystal and I were sitting at our table drawing stuff and writing stuff. Guessing how old a guy was and shit. Well, Crystals dad hands us his ticket for the raffle. And we were like, what were the numbers? So we wrote them on the table, and Pat underlined it. Then Crystal says "everyone concentrate on 419. because those were the ending numbers. So we all put our heads on the table and thought about our numbers. And they started calling the next ticket. And they said "419" we were Like "Holy shit" we hadn't even been thinking about the numbers for a minute, and they called them! It was great. WE won a Turkey! Pat says "gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble" hehehehe.

I'm totally going to vent right now, maybe it'll make me feel better. Today started out pretty good, I woke up at like one. (it's nice to sleep in sometimes) and my throat doesn't hurt as bad as it used to. But some how in three hours that I've been awake, life has gone to shit. (not really but that's how I feel right now) How did this all start???
I sent Mike (Taylor ~ "the ex") a text message asking why he didn't call me back about his phone. (this is where it all began) he replys saying he didn't know he was supposed to call me back about it. So I call him to talk to him about it. He says he's gonna keep it for a little while longer until he can afford the one he wants, and somewhere in the midst of telling me that he says somehting about revving it to hard. So I ask him "what?" he says he revved the car to hard. "what car? do you drive now?" no, it's Mellissa's car. "oh, should I let you go?" no, she's at work... "Oh, who's Mellissa?" my girlfriend.
~this is where it all went wrong for me... How can he have a girlfriend already. That's just not right. I wonder if she's better for him than I was.
"how long have you guys been going out?" Since November 4th... "Oh, do you go to school with her?" No she works at the Depot. "oh, it is that girl that always would smile at you when we went in?" No, which one was that?
~what do you mean which one was that? idiot...you know they were looking, don't play dumb, there were like three of them
"Well what's she look like?" ~stupid question, i really don't wanna know. Why did I ask? She's like 5'5" brown hair to her shoulders. "oh, okay... So about the phone, when do you think you'll have the money to get your own?" Not this paycheck, Mellissa's CD bearings went out and I'm gonna help pay for them to be replaced. "Oh, okay" ~I just wanted to scream at him! he never bought me anything like that. Helped my mom buy me new tires once after we had been dating for a year and a half, and he bitched about that! Fuck! I hate him so much! We went out for three years and I have nothing to show for it, except a wall that I've put up to keep people out!!!!! That Prick! I hate him so much...I never want to talk to another guy again! Right now I feel like they are all like him, or like they will all be like him. I gave him so much and I have nothing to show for it. I put so much into that relationship and how did he thank me??? He didn't he scuffed me up and now all I am is DAMAGED... ruined, no one wants what I am now... How could they? But still I keep torturing myself... Wonder what it would be like if he was still mine. If I was still his. I want to scream and cry and throw a tantrum he's not worth my tears, why am I giving them to him? Why does this hurt so much, why can't I stop it? I bet he loved it, I know he could hear the jealousy in my voice talking about her. I know he liked it, a thousand miles away and still he had the power to hurt me. To rip my heart out again. go ahead, stomp on it, I know you like it! You always did, always liked to know you were the one that had me in your grasp, always liked to know exactly what hurt the most... you loved to see me break, loved to see me weaker than you...Because I knew what I wanted with my life, I knew where I was going. And you didn't, you liked to see me weaker didn't you I wonder though, is that how it really was? I wonder if I am just bitter from all the times you made me give in first... you did know what hurt the most...I could never come close to it on you.
"Are you sleeping with her?" Not yet, why? "Just curious"
~Why do I tourture Myself like this?....This is how I know I'm not ready for another relationship yet...

I didn't wake up til one o'clock today! I'm such a bum. Still sick my voice started to go a bit last night. But my throat isn't as sore. I guess that is a good thing. Right. Anyways I'm bored right now. 3 more hours til Crystal heads home. Hmmm, what to do????

Oh yeah... I did only get two calls/reply's. Mom called me yesterday right after I sent it out. And Lani called me Last night.

Man this sucks, now my ear is in on it too! Stupid stupid stupid ear! Well I just got done sending out an e-mail to my family and some of my friends down in Phoenix. Lot's of fun. I don't know how many of them will actually read it. And of the ones that do read it who will reply or call. I'm guessing two max. Mom and Lani. The last time dad called me was to see if I knew where Lani was. I think it was the first time he'd called in like a month. He's really busy with work so I guess I understand. (wow that was fast, my mom just called me, hmm... well that was fun) The picnic yesterday really was a blast. Crystal & I even got flowers :) Pretty ones, that match...Speaking of the picnic I gotta go get my pictures from walgreens! Yay! BRB hehehe

Ugghhh!!!!! I am so sick right now. :( I keep sneezing and sniffling... :( I hope I am better by the time I go home. The drive would really suck if I'm sick. The picnic was a blast! bye

Yay it's time for a picnic. And Crystal & I spent all afternoon in the kitchen getting ready for this! We had fun last night. Crystal, Pat, Mike, and I went to Butch's house last night. I was good though. I didn't drive home. hehehe. Friends don't let friends drive drunk. Get what I'm saying? Well last night was the first time I've ever played darts. And after having 5 drinks I did really good. Except like every 2nd dart I threw stuck in the wall. None of the guys even stuck them in the wall when they hit out of the target. Well Mike & I were a team. The other teams were Crystal & Pat (who didn't even drink...Yay for the DD's) Jen & Sy, and Butch & Megan. I whoop ass. I threw a bullseye on my first turn. Then when the next team went to go Butch realized it was only set for two teams. So we had to start again. But I threw another bullseye! Well Mike & I rocked, we won first! Okay Time for a Picnic in the mountains. :) Yay! Bye. Go look at pictures! ("Nothing Yet" link) Hey it's 1:08pm heehehe

Hmmm, let's see what did I get done yesterday? It was so much fun. Crystal and I headed out to get our Colorado drivers licenses around 12:30. Know what's funny. Up here they have a separate building for Drivers Licenses. It is it's own building, it doesn't even say DMV it says "Drivers License" how crazy is that. Hehehe. So, we totally had fun while we were there. Took pictures and stuff while we were in line. Played “Good Samaritan”. :) Aren’t we angels? Then it gets to be our turn and the guy won't let Crystal get her Colorado License because all she had was her AZ license. The dude was a Dip Shit, but I got mine. My picture is pretty good, except for the fact that I look way too much like my mom!
Then we go to the union; by the time we get there it's 3:45pm! Where did the time go? It’s ‘cause we pit stopped at the 16th street mall. Hehehe. So I filled out my papers.
After that we went to Cherry Creek so I could show her the bathrooms. We got side tracked by a Godiva store! I have never been in one. The only reason we went in is to get free samples (free samples rock) and ended up spending like $11. Then we go out and sit in the "Grandma, wait here we'll come get you when were done" section and eat the fatty food we bought (chocolate! yummy, but too much makes me sick) And guess what store was right behind us... Build A Bear Workshop! She hasn't seen it before so I showed it to her. Now she wants a bear...(Hey Christmas is coming up, you know who you are) I've wanted one ever since I saw the store in Phoenix. We'll we made it to the bathrooms; I think it was one of the first things we did when we got there. The Chocolate store was after the bathrooms.
To make a long day short, we planned a picnic for Sunday. We got our nails done, hung out with Mike, "visited" a friend, drove around in Denver, and took lots of pictures. :) It was a fun day! Hehehe. Bye!

P.S. We never made it to see Harry Potter, by the time we would have gone all the little kids were out of school, and all of the shows would have been sold out. Oh well, some other time. :)

P.S.S~ Ming Na- she's the ER chick, I half wanted to say that the other night, but I wasn't sure. She is Mulan! And she is also in the "Joy Luck Club"...but I was wrong about Crouching Tiger...that's not her! :( hmmmm, what about James Woods??? ***Yahoo Search*** AhhhhHA! I remember now, he was in Riding In cars With Boys! I knew I had heard his voice recently! I feel so complete now.... ***sighs***