wish me luck...

Holy crap it's been almost a month since I have posted!!! A lot has happened since then. The pool was going great, I was coaching 7 & 8 year old swim team with Derek and our kids loved us. We were the best coaches there. BUT...Some people had other plans I guess. Sunday night I went to Denny's with Derek and we ended up throwing up all night long (FUCK DENNY'S!) So anyways I finally fell asleep around 6:30am...needless to say at 7:30 when my alarm went off I didn't hear it. So when I woke up at 10am and finally called in, people were pissed. I no longer have a job, adn life is well...shit. I don't know what to do. I haven't told my mom yet. She's gonna be pissed, and I'd rather her not know until I have a new job.
So my goal tomorrow...to find a new job. Wish me luck. Breathe Deep...

Muuu-ahhahaha!
Don't ask, I totally felt like saying that though. I'm having a great day! Worked for 2.5(ish) hours, got some good food while I was there (FREE FOOD!!!!), got an Xbox (boo-yah!) and a few nice games...and my favorite Xbox game. Lani and I have been laying Xbox since 7pm, and it's 11:52 now...hahaha. Jo is all over "Munches Oddesy"! nice!!! And some friends are coming over to hang out and watch a movie! shibby! well back to video games!

Damn dude! work was short today :) 8am-11am...no swim team, but check this shit! I got in trouble for playing sharks and minnows with my class, what kind of CRAP is that.
Anyways, we (Jessica, Jason, Derek, and I) went out to lunch after work. Yummy. Derek is a stud, and I had told that to Jason last week some time, I guess he told Derek on Sunday when they were vaccuming the pool and today at lunch Jason goes "Derek I told Jonya that I told you on Sunday"...Yeah so both of us turn totally red. nice...

been a while since I've written, I guess because my life has been fairly un-eventful. Too bad so sad...
I dunno what's wrong with me...
Beating myself up with old memories...Michael's Bro and sister-in-law called me tonight...Shon sounds so much like Michael sometimes. my knees got weak, like I was afraid of something when I heard Shon in the background. Usually I'm pretty good about that shit, but when I was talking to them (Shon & Becky) it was like "Old Times". Like they were all excited about my fire fighter stuff and Shon said that maybe he'll help out with my class.
They we're my family...
and he took it all away and I really miss them. I feel like crying right now.

I'm crying out for help right now...but theres nothing that can be done. What can anyone do for me? Sit and listen to me ramble on about my pain. No. I don't need that kind of help. I don't need the kind of help that drags others into my pit. So I keep myself busy 24/7 so it's easy to ignore stupid shit that I dont need to remember. Nothing wrong with that, it helps, right? yes...it does. My mind is calling out for someone to just sit with me, but my mouth never says the words, no matter how much I need it.

hehehe...I got kissed on Monday! YAY!
Why the big deal you may ask? uhhh...because I say so that's why! Nah, I think he's a great guy...and we could do some cool things together. It's just that no one has kissed me in a REALLY long time. So it totally made me feel good. (plus he's really hot! hehehe)
Tuesday: Work at pool (0800-1300) and work on AR155 (1300-2200) we had dinner at 151 (*grin* I love that station!) There was the two engines (8 guys total) plus us (3 of us) and then a Rescue (2 more guys) So many people, it was great! At ten went and played Halo at Jay's...*Nice* I was so close (in one game) to Matt's # of kills...But *ugh* I kept dying...So I lost.
WednesdayWork at the pool (0800-1300) Then...didn't do SHIT all day long. :(
tomorrow I have drivers training at 6am! *ugh* and I think it goes until 5pm *double UGH*
I feel like playing video games...

So...I took that sex test again at www.thespark.com...definetly a different answer this time! here it is! ->
Congrats! In your life, you'll have sex with
35 people!
Including the __you've already had sex with,
that makes __new lovers! You are 49% sexy.
That's a lot of fucking (hehehe, no pun intended) people. I don't think I like the sound of that. hmmmm. But I am 49% sexy! nice. :-p....
so, uh, Haaaaayyyyy baaabbyyy! *wink wink* How you doin' ?
here's the rest of what it says:
0 of them will be female
__ of them will be male
And you will actually love 1 of them!
You have an untapped source of sexual energy.
always good to know. ~5~

Damn, J-Lo! You are...
72%
dateable! Attractive and confident, witty and charming, a healthy ambrosia-based diet... you're wanted in the 48 contiguous states, you slayer. Call me. Seduce me. Make me a man (or woman.) Not only do you know how to turn a guy's (or girl's) engines on, but you also know how to oil, lube and rotate it. You put the "elation" back into "relationship," and the "night" back into "one-night stand."

YAY! GO take the Dateable test!!! I think 72% is good. :-p

I am 45% Slut....

NICE!!!!!!! THAT is less than the Average of 46% (only one point my ass!)
Anyways, 45% is good...much better than the sex test Yesterday..."you will sleep with 17 people"
Me:17 MORE people?
Ed: (reading the page out loud) in addition to the __ that you've already slept with...

Oh! the horror!!!!! hahahaha

well, my life is odd. I've made a desicion though. I want to be a fire fighter (that I already knew) so that's all I'm going to worry about. I'm so tired of guys. fuck 'em I'm not even going to bother with them. I don't need a boyfriend any ways. Know what I do need? an Xbox yeah, I need one of those. hehehe. Nah, I just want one. So my Major goal in life is to get on with the Fire Department...my Minor goal, get an Xbox. Yeah, I don't care about being single, single is fun...I can go out and do what ever I want and not worry about having to tell someone what I did all night. *sigh* I like getting hugs though...I'll just start hugging all my guy friends. (yeah, that'll do)...what other aspects of a relationship do I miss. uhhh? There is always that Which I can go without...for now. hahaha! I miss just sitting on the couch with my head in his lap getting my hair played with. Hmmmm, I'll just have to find one of my guy friends that is comfortable doing that. IT's not like I need a boyfriend anyways. I mean all of the "important to be in a relationship" parts of the year are over and far away.
Example(s): Thanksgiving (6months away), My FireFighter I-II Graduation (6.5 mo), Christmas (7 mo), New Years (7.5 mo), Valentines (9 mo), My B-day (11 mo)
See? I don't have to worry about the "Boyfriend" thing for 5 more months. (Five is me!!!!! ~5~)
TAKE THIS TEST

okay. I've been hella busy the last week (and then some) Tuesday (the 20th) I went and watched Chewy & Scott, and Marie Graduate...all so grown up now. *sigh* I feel so OLD!!!!!! I can't believe it. Later that night I ended up going to the Lake until like 2:30am. It was sweet, I faced a fear (swam to the bouy in the middle of the night...so dark, who knows what is in that water). Wednesday, rode the AR van...no good calls, did i even run a complete call??? I think 2 yes. Thursday, rode on the Engine for about 10 hours, got like 3 (0r 4) calls. Friday Rode out in Daisy Mountain, 8am to 8pm...Snake Removal was the big call of the day (ran 2 calls total). Saturday, worked out at the Phoenix Training Academy. Sunday, Cliff Jumping and 3 hours of puking after getting wasted playing Halo. Monday...slept, and slept, and slept...then played B-ball (almost won against 6 guys) and played more Halo, then watched National Security with Chewy. (hehehe, Matt) Tuesday...didn't do much. Slept, drove a lot. Got tires rotated. Going to watch movies! BooYah!

holy shit! it's been a long time since I posted. Not that anyone reads this and gets worried when I don't write (not that anyone reads it period) Anyways, I was thinking about Crystal today (my big sis) not like a worried kind or thinking...Just thinking, she was on my mind. I wish she'd move to AZ, I highly doubt that will ever happen...But I can dream can't I? Fuck it, I gotta go to bed. It's almost one and I gotta get up EARLY! Oh, also I want to add in that The Matrix Reloaded was bad ASS! Saw it last night and tonight. Shibby! Night guys, Breathe Deep. ~5~

Are You HOT or NOT?

Well, well, well....So, I checked out that Hot or Not website...out of sheer boredome (okay, okay some curiosity too) I posted a Profile on me....I am rated a 5.9 out of 10...WTF, there are ugly people on that site that have better ratings then me! Click here to rate me!!! Would you believe that there are some people that have given me ones...ONES!!! I know I'm not a one...I consider 5 average, and one is like freakin' ugly, I don't give anyone ones....What's up with that? Anyway, Obviously some people think I'm ugly...I don't think so. Those bastards!!!!!

Saturday and Sunday went by pretty fast. Man am I out of shape. I'll be hiking at least twice a week starting this week. I went to Shaw Butte' Today (I'm almost sure I spelled that wrong). It kills me man, takes me back to wrestling. Ugh! hehehe- but man does it feel good! I'm going hiking again on Tuesday. Got a shift from 10-10 tomorrow. Saw Paul yesterday...I can never get enough of him *sigh*...maybe I'll see him Tuesday. okay, well I'm gonna get back to my book now. "From the Corner of His Eye" by Dean Koontz (my favorite author *cheesy grin*) Night guys! Breathe Deep...

my, my...long day. I'm beat. It's 12:25am. I got home about an hour ago...ish. I dunno. Something like that. Anyways. 12 hour shift at the station and it was great. Even though one call that we got sent on should have definetly been PD. but, "oh well" *sighs* Bed time now. Night guys. Breathe Deep...

hence, Hence...hence

You are...Obvious


Which Christina Aguilera Song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

i suppose that is me. I'm so bored right now! My computer is being a fuck head (slow) ...I really wanted to see Paul today, but I don't think that's gonna happen. I wish he'd just tell me "yes" or "no" on if I'm going to get to see him. But he doesn't...I wish he would. SO anyways, I planned out my night (since I'll be bored at home alone) so here it is:
6:33pm right now, in about 25 minutes (unless I get a call from Paul saying i get to see him) I'm going to go downstairs and turn on the TV (channel 12) and watch the Fear Factor Championship because that show is BAD ASS! adn I am gonna watch it until it's over, then at 8pm I'm going to watch the Third Watch Season Finale (because that is my favorite show!) then I'll watch Crossing Jordan at 9pm because it's a pretty good show and tonights episode looks good. Then I'll change the channel to 61 at 10pm (after Crossing Jordan)and watch The Simpsons at Ten and 10:30pm.

~Michael~ I wonder if you ever felt the pain that I felt. I can't believe how long it's been that you haven't been around. Today is 238...Two hundred and thirty eight days since you have been "mine". Almost a year. Sometimes I look back and think "he's not the Michael I knew...what happened there? Was I just blind?" I gave you my all...and you took it, without so much as a "Thank You". I used to be so much stronger, and you ruined that for me, because now I am afraid. Truly afraid. Not really of guys, just of love...for anyone. I'm afraid of losing love again. And I'm there now: Like there is this doorway I'm standing at...you know the feeling when you are inside on a bright sunny, breezy and perfectly warm day...just standing right inside the door looking out thinking "I should really go outside today, it's beautiful" but for some reason you just stand there looking...yearning…but just standing.

I’m standing inside of that door right now…looking out at the bright beautiful day that represents love in my mind. And although I can see how beautiful it is and how great it feels out there, I just stand and watch.

Do you see what you’ve done to me? For the last few weeks I’ve been getting closer and closer to that door, and I’m so close to stepping out…just standing in the doorway. The man I’ve always dreamed of is here now…I’ve been waiting for a day this beautiful for a long time. and I’m holding back from him…putting up walls…I just can’t bring my self to go out side. but you know what, I can feel it in my heart how much I care for him…I’m planning on going out there. what holds me back is the fear of rejection…I just want to be sure it’s not going to turn into a storm. But in my heart I’m almost sure he feels the same way…I look out that door and I can’t see a cloud in sight…I just want to be sure...

wow...People are totally getting on my nerves right now. I feel shitty, like I can't control anything in my life. I'm going to find out what is going on, I'm ready for bad news. Don't want bad news but I'm ready for it. I think this is what I'm going to say to him "you know what, I know what I want in my life, and I'm ready for it...I don't know what you want, and I don't feel like you are ready for me. You seem like you have too much to take care of with your own life, too busy with yourself. I need more that you've been giving me. And I can understand that you might have other things to take care of, and I really really really like you, alot..." that's all I have so far. And I have to figure out how to work that into the conversation. I feel like shit right now. ("These Days" by Rascal Flatts just came on...I love this song)

I am 40% Punk Rock

Well, I may know what punk is, but... Okay maybe some people think I am punk, but is that enough? Nope.

Take the Punk Rock Test at fuali.com

I am 55% Geek

Nerd, Freak, Geek, Dweeb. Sound familiar? That's okay, cause I will be the richest person at my 15th year high school reunion. If a "con" isn't happening that weekend.

Take the Geek Test at fuali.com

I wish I made "mad dough" hehehe. I'm eating a yummy apple right now. Know what confuses me:
Apples and Oranges are the same size (about)...So Why is it that I can eat three (3) Oranges in one sitting before I'm full, but it only takes one Apple to have the same effect?
I have a theory: ~Oranges are mostly liquid-ish stuff and pulp so it's more easily compacted in your stomach.

*Is that true? or is there some other explination? Anyways, I finished the apple now, and I'm stuffed (the one apple) hmmm...