So, life is good and my hands are COLD! I can barely type. I went to the drive-in tonight with Lani, Chad and his puppy, Sky. We watched "Signs" and "Sweet Home Alabama" both pretty good movies.

I talked to Katie tonight, she had her first code tonight at the station. Motorcycle Vs. Wall. I can't imagine seeing that. I just haven't been there yet, I know it sounds bad but, I'll have my chance one day.

And here is another weird thing, I wanna see Casey. I hope he wants to see me too, but I won't know until next time I talk to him probably won't be 'til Monday or later. Hopefully Monday.

I thought I had this 'thing' for this guy Ryan. I still kinda do, but it seems to me that he doesn't have a 'thing' for me anymore. I guess that is what I get for liking a guy that lives in Tucson when I live in Phoenix. So I'll just drop it. Anyways it's a long story. Kinda, not really. I just don't wanna write it down. What can I say it's 2 o'clock AM, and I'm lazy.

Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored. . . . . . .
Can you tell that I am bored? And guess what else... I am hungry. What can I get for $4.00 that is filling? I am in Tucson so I dunno what is cheap and filling around here. I am going to sit here and think about where I can get some good food.

Hmmmm... Today would have been my 3 year anniversary with my ex, it's kind of weird. It's weird that I don't have a problem with not being with him. I mean I would think that today would be the hardest day, and that I would miss him most today. But it's not. Today is actually good, and I didn't even realize what day it was until I was on the phone with Crystal and she said the date. It's okay though. Today is a good day, and I have my Jeep back (he's my baby - 'Shadowfax'). Bye.

Right now I feel like being a bitch. My sister pissed me off because she gave me an attitude about the fucking bed. I was just telling her why I didn't wanna sleep on it. I feel like going home now. I don't wanna be here (in Tucson) anymore. I don't have friends here. Well I have a few but they don't wanna hang out with me ***to busy, I can understand that though***. So I didn't do shit tonight. Nothing that I wanted to do atleast. I mean I wanted to do it, but I didn't choose it. Like I went to see a German film tonight and I went to Epic tonight. I had fun doing both and I wanted to do both, but I am tired of driving I just wanna sit down with some friends and watch a fucking movie at home. It doesn't even have to be my home...anyone's would do. Fuck it. I don't even wanna write anymore, I just wanna go to sleep. I'm tired of dealing with people and attitudes. I'm tired of going out of my way for people and not even getting a proper thank you. I just wanna sleep. I better not wake up in a Bitchy mood. I hate being like this. Fuck! It pisses me off. I am going to bed.

I'm beginning to think that I am never going to meet a guy that actually wants me, just to know me. It seems like the more time I spend with people the less willing to spend time with me they become. Maybe it's all in my head. Why should things regress? I don't understand. You meet a person...spend time with them, supposed to want to spend more time with them if you like them. Maybe I'm just not a likeable person. I thought I was very likeable. I have a great sense of humor, I'm told that I am cute (I have no idea if it's true or not - mostly not ***probably*** I just don't get hit on enough to be cute), and I get along with people very well, I just have a good personality. I know what it is! I JUST DON'T UDERSTAND GUYS!!!! and I probably never will.
Hmmmm...I'll just keep trying. (even though ***according to other people*** I shouldn't have to.)

GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why are guy's so fucking retarded??? Nah...they aren't retarded, they are just weird. I wish I could understand them. Why do they have to be so complicated? I mean they think chicks are complicated...but really, it's them! I guess it's different from their point of view. They think we are complicated we think they are complicated. But on our side of the story we can understand each other and on their side they can understand each other. But we can't understand them and they can't understand us. Is that confusing or what? I don't really even have a reason for calling guys "fucking retarded", I just felt like it.

I wanted to write something, but now that I am on the computer thinking about it I can’t think of anything to write.

I was really tired yesterday. I love my life though, I really do. And I love my sister, Lani, I am so happy that she is doing good. I went with her to an appointment today, and sitting there I realized that she is different than she used to be. I know things are hard for her. Life in general is...Hard. But she is doing good, and she is happy. That is all that matters. I love my sister and I love seeing her happy. It’s a good feeling. I remember when days weren’t so good, but now you learn to cope with changes and even if the way “things re-arrange” isn’t what you want now, maybe...just maybe it will be what you want later.

On a lighter note. I love Hazy Dayz. I didn’t sit “bitch” on the little couch last night so I couldn’t stare at the picture I always stare at. So it was different for me. Different can be good though. ***I just looked at the TWIX wrapper and it says “may contain peanuts” hahaha. I should give it to Chris. JK*** We carved pumpkins last night after the poetry reading. We were out on the patio sitting on the couch and bench thing. My pumpkins’ (Well, he’s not just my pumpkin...Ryan helped me carve him, so it’s his too :-p) name is “Billy Bob” I fucked his teeth up, so that is how he got his name.

I got ice cream with Ryan after Hazy Dayz and Pumpkin carving. We decide that since everyone was going to ditch us, ice cream sounded good. I have never seen anyone eat a whole thing of Ben & Jerry’s in one sitting. I can’t even eat ½ ! Anyways I’ll write later...Maybe.

Lesson of the day: Learn from the past, it will help the future.”

Ahhhhhahahahah!!!!!!!!!!
I am so Bad. not really but I am at work and I was checking my e-mail. That's why I said I was bad. So today is gonna rock...later! Right now it sucks, My ex has been pissing me off, someone is spreading a nasty rumor about me. And I wanna know who it is. He (my ex) was asking why I was so pissed off and I said " We'll wouldn't you be?" and know what he says... "Not if I truly did it." what a Bitch! Anyways I told him to leave me alone.
Work is pretty good though. It actually goes pretty fast, I work 8 to 5 and I am already at 12:30 wow! I haven't even taken my lunch break yet. That's when it goes really fast, after lunch. Because it's only gonna be like 3 more hours to work after lunch. Then Tucson here I come! Yeah!
I am so Excited. I get to go to Tucson today. and I get to go To HAZY DAYZ tonight! WooHoo! I'm gonna move to Tucson just for Hazy Dayz. JK. But I do like it a lot. Well I am gonna try to get back to work (thinking about Tucson got me so Excited, I might not be able to concentrate now.)

Lesson of the Day: "Don't always believe what you hear"

Dude! I haven't been writing as much as I want to... :( Like every other day I get a chance to get on-line. Not much has been going on though. I am going to Tucson tomorrow! Yeah! I don't have much time to write right now. so I am gonna go, I might have to go to my doctors tomorrow, my leg has been spazing and my foot is cold, I checked my Capillary refill (if you don't know what that means give me a call & I'll explain) and it was a lot slower than it should be.
Well I gotta go to my dad's right now to get my stuff I'm gonna sleep at my mom's tonight. bye!

Lesson of the day: "Prepare for the worst and if the outcome is good then know you were atleast prepared."

Once again I have a total lack of sleep. I went to the movies last night and saw Red Dragon with Casey. Let me say that Edward Norton is a great actor, and he took a lot of beatings in that movie. It was definetly a good movie and had some creepy parts, but it could have had a little it more of the scary stuff. Right now I'm at my mom's house we are having Steak and Trout for dinner. Yummy! and I am so exausted I think I need a small nap.

uggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so tired right now. I was helping out with the Interviews for 10 hours. It was great though.
I don't feel like writing much so this won't be too long.
Plans changed last night and we didn't go to Fear Farm (it was cheap though, only $5/person) We ended up goingto Applebee's instead. It was Sophie, Katie, Alex, Casey his friend Amy (I've never met Casey or Amy), and me. So, that was pretty cool we went and played pool for a little while afterwards. I wouldn't have minded staying at The Break for a little longer though.
Well the night is still young! Who knows, maybe I'll get something to do. (trying to be optimistic :-} )

It's 7:20 pm. I am geting ready to go to Fear Farm (that phrase makes me wanna laugh like Dr. Evil) with Katie (my Idol) hahaha.

If anyone special is reading this: good! you should be reading it! because if you are special to me I better be special to you.

I am totally bummed at the thought of missing Hazy Dayz next Wednesday. I am 1/2 tempted to move to tucson just for that. :) Well, I am gonna come up Thursday night. Family weekend starts the 25th so I talked my mom into buying my greyhound ticket up for Thursday night, since I don't work on Fridays. ~Yeah! I get to see Lani (and hopefully other people too) for a whole Weekend.~

Okay I gotta go run errands before Katie gets here. I got 1/2 an hour! Bye...

So I was trying to find this picture to show Leo & Ryan...And I found it. Well I dunno who is gonna see it but I'll post the link anyways. It's my favorite. :) Okay well Last night really sucked. I'll explain later. REGRET...


Crystal got her tounge peirced last night! HAhahaha! I can't wait to see her. :)

Okay I am pissed. I had a whole thing written about how awesome last night was. And I accidentally deleted it. Stupid Stupid Dumb Dumb! Oh and catch my other act of stupidity...No phone number! Doh! I am a freakin retard.
Well I had been saying how it is awesome it feels when a guy puts you before himself.
I was saying how last night I felt so good to be asked what I want. And when I ask the same question back, to hear the reply "I've got what I want." and when I asked "Oh? And what is that?" to hear the reply "This Moment. With you." I am just happy right now.
You know who you are...Thankyou. :)
Anyways the sun was starting to set on my way home from work today. It was so beautiful. Everyone thinks clouds are so gloomy, but they aren't, not always. It was like they were everwhere around the sun but not touching it. It was so cool. I love clouds, I wish it would rain. And I wanna go camping so freakin' bad. But Katie says we are supposed to go in Nov. Some time. Fuck Yeah (wotw)!

Lesson of the day: Life is full surprises. :)

Fuck Yeah! (wotw) Crystal is getting her tounge pierced right now! (I am such a bad influence...but hey, if it get's her to stop smoking)

P.S. I have a busy weekend (kindof - ha! not really.) so If I don't write you guys can e-mail me (jur311@hotmail.com) or call me (602.373.7024) <- Yeah, Do that! (you can never get enough calls)
Friday: I'll write I don't work on Friday's...Evening- Fear Farm?
Saturday: Morning- Work with Glendale for thier Interview process...Evening- ?
Sunday: Church. Then I dunno.
(now that I look it doesn't seem like that much. hmmm. I'm just tired. Long night last night. :) )

Yay! (Is that even how you are supposed to spell that word? Yay!I know yeah is yeah...but yeay or yey or yay! I think Yay!)
Finally! Okay. All right so I'll admit it. I was wrong. my sister brought to my attention that not all of her friends are hot. (True) and not all of them have "crushes" on her. (also true) so there I am done. I was wrong and I admit it. The difference between guys and girls...we can admit being wrong without killing our pride.
So Tucson was a blast, and so was Hazy Dayz. I actually had talked to one of Lani's friends, at Hazy Dayz, about fire fighting. He was really cool about it, he said he had taken some classes at GCC when he was younger. First off the guy is cool because he took Fire fighter Classes. Second he's cool because he's kinda cute. I dunno what my type is, I guess it really depends on the guy. Well we talked for a while at Hazy Dayz, then he had to go. So I talk to my sister when I get back to the couch, and I'm like "Dude! Your friend is cute." I think he is my age. 19, I'm pretty sure that is how old he said he was.
So I am on-line today, and my little sis gets on. She says "guess who I saw today." Who? "Ryan, remember the guy from Hazy Dayz?" Oh yeah, I remember, the cute one! What did he say? "Well I told him 'my sister thinks you're cute. And he said 'Well she's pretty cute too." SWEET! "Yeah well He said that next time he goes to Phoenix I have to give him your number."
You guys don't know what this means! Besides the fact that I am wrong about having guys think I'm pretty, since the surgery. It means that a guy actually thought I was pretty. Now any guy reading this is like "whatever" but sometimes a guys opinion does matter. It just makes us Girls feel good. I like it when anyone tells me I look good. Even if I think I look good, I like to have people tell it to me.

Lesson of the day: You aren't always right, and when you are wrong it's okay to admit it.

So life is good. I didn't get time to write yesterday really. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday to get my stitches out. The scar is going to be a lot longer than I thought. I thought maybe 2 inches. But it looks a lot more like 3.5. Well I got a new cast on, Purple. My dad said purple would look good on me because it looks good on him. So I followed his advice. Purple it is. The other colors didn't look that good anyway. I got a good look at my leg when they took the cast off. It's so skinny now (but hey! It's didn't stink) and hairy. I was joking about how I should have brought a razor with me so I could shave in between casts.

After my Doctor's appointment I had a meeting for Glendale Fire Department. I am a cadet with them so we have meetings every so often. Well I thought it was a meeting turned out to be a class. It's cool though. I love getting to meet up with them anyway. Katie, Sophie, and I went to Pullano's after the class. Dan and Flick didn't wanna come. It's all good, it was kinda fun having "girls night out" pizza and wings (and Zucchini of course). Katie you are my Idol!

I'll write more later.

Quote of the day: “Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.” -author unknown


Lesson of the day: Friends are there for you when you least expect them.

(dpotw) "He could have pulled out."

***Well, thank you Crystal for finally getting on-line. Yeah, I know it only took you like 3 minutes, and that was 5 hours ago. I'm over it. :)***

Anyway, I remembered something else. How parents traumatize their kids. Every one says it. Parents traumatize thier kids." who believes it? Parents obviously don't think they have done it, because that would mean they have turned into thier parents. Shit, I know it'll happen if I have Kids. I know there is gonna be something that they will remember forever and be totally traumatized by it. And when they tell it to me I'm gonna be like "You know what I knew it was gonna happen, I just didn't know when or how." I don't think most parents even realize they things that they do.

Even as old as I am something's will stick with me forever. (story time)

Well I got in from Tucson last night around 6:20. My step dad came and got me from the Greyhound station. Life is good, right. So we head home to meet mom, and from there we are going to Aloha Kitchen. Car ride is good. So we get to where we are going to eat. Yummy! (Here's where things take a turn) So I order and head to the bathroom. When I get out, my step dad is pissy. So I find out why (hey I'm a nice person. What can I say?) So for the rest of the time my step dad is there he is Pissy 'cuz mom is being bitchy (by the way- he's pissy 'cuz she told him what he wanted…understandable) So mom is being mean now. After she makes him mad enough he goes out side and sits in the car. she's like "I hope we still have a ride home now." And I tell her "He's mad at you mom, not me.Are you on your peiod or something because you are being a real bitch." So now she's pissy at me because he isn’t mad at me he's mad at her, and I told it to her straight up (do people even use that term anymore? Straight up…) So anyway, (I'll skip to the Traumatic part) After she's been pissy with me for a while she kinda chuckles. So naturally I ask "what?" (Ha!) And she says "I remember this letter you wrote to your sister when you were little saying that she was going to ruin you chances of becoming a model. When really it's you that ruined your chances of becoming a model." how is that? " You like candy bars too much" Well mom, I haven't had a candy bar in a long time (thinking: Bitch F&^% You!) and she says "Well it's because you like to eat." So then I just stopped eating my food (thinking: F&^% You! How dare you say that! I am not fat and Just Because You want to be an F&^%ing Bitch Tonight, don't even take it out on me. Just because you went and lost weight and went from being a heifer to almost what you want to weigh! YOU Know What F&^% YOU! I am not You I am satisfied with wearing a size 11-12 I am 5 feet and 10 inches Tall I am NOT your Short Midget ASS! BITCH!) So I don't say any thing because I know if I open my mouth words aren't gonna be good. Meanwhile, My step dad had come back inside picked up his food and Moved away from our table. After that whole "letter" conversation was over and had been over for a few minutes. he has finished his food and gone back out to the car. Then mom says "I'm glad he left, I was about to flip him off and say 'F&^% You!" Then she asks me "Have you ever been mad enough to say that to someone?" and I reply "Have I ever said it to you?" she says "Well no." And I reply "Then No. I haven't been mad enough to say it to Them."

Lesson of the day: “For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.” (author unknown)

Well it's 6:02pm, and I am waiting for crystal to get on line. What's up with that dude! First you message me (and wake me up from my nap!) saying you are getting on line...Then I get up. Turn the computer on, and Then I get on-line so I can chat w/ you, and you still aren't on. WTF! Hey since I am talking to you (Crystal) Remind me to e-mail you when you read this, I will try to remember on my own. But you know me. Actually (speaking of remembering things) I did remeber something....A story. And it goes something like this...

Carded For Cake
October 7th 2002, Lani and I were at Trader Joe's looking for some kind of salad dressing that Lani wanted (which we never found) and we passed by one of the "vendors" He was giving out samples of some kind of cake (which was way to thick for me anyways)so we walk by and we're like "hey free samples. Can we have some?"....(here's where it get's good...)
Vendor dude: "are you 16?"
Us: "oh, we have to be 16?"
Vendor Dude: "Well if you aren't 16 then your parents need to be with you."
Us: "oh! hahaha. You think we aren't over 16?"
Vendor Dude: "If you aren't at least 16 your parents ned to be with you just in case you have an allergic reaction."
Us: "Hahahah! "
Lani: "Dude this is my second year at teh UofA. Here look I'll show you some ID."
Me: "I'm her OLDER sister!"
Us: "hahaha."
Vendor Dude: "No, no, it's okay you don't have to show me you ID. *chuckles to self* here you go, have some cake."

Well I started today off kinda of late (but not as late as when I was in Tucson) I woke up around 11:40am, I was kinda dissapointed that I didn't get up early enough to have my mom take me to my dad's so that I could go to church with them. Well I've been working on how to change the color of my links & how to add links since I woke up. Not much of a day, but I am going back to my dad's in a few minutes, so this will be short. ***Dangit Stephen! you better hurry up with those CD's (JK...no I'm not, yes I am. okay, No & yes.) Whoa!*** Okay, I am gonna stop writing now, you can obviously tell I have nothing to write about...But Crystal if you read this call me! NOW!!! teeheeehahahahaha.

okay okay! I know it's late and I really need to stop going to bed so late (early, whatever), but I found something utterly hillarious. So please if you visit my site at least check this one out...trust me you WILL be surprised. it's not what it seems. Hahahaha. http://www.oralse.cx/

It was so weird, like out of a movie. I was at the bus station totally upset because I didn't get to say goodbye to my baby sis before I left. :(.'.'.'. So we boarded and I'm sitting there getting depressed because I don't know when I'll see her again. So I called my friend Crystal because she always cheers my up, and I haven't even been on with her for 15 sec. (literally when I hung up it was a 14 sec call) and I'm telling her I'm bummed and why. Then I hear "Jonya?" And I look up and my sister is standing there on my bus. I cried and gave her a hug. And just like that she was gone again and I was sitting in my seat crying. I questioned whether it really happened or not. My bus pulled away a minute later. And she was sitting on the corner. She stood up and started waving and I just put my hand on the window and cried. I love my little sis. I cried for like 10 min. afterwards. The people on the bus must have though I was retarded. That is where the movie part ended. Because if it were a movie I would have made the bus driver stop the bus and ran off and stayed forever. But we all know gimpy people on crutches can't run. Good night Lani, I love you.

P.S. I met a guy from South Africa on the bus. he was visiting friends at the university. I call him "The Guy" or "The Guy from South Africa" because I didn't get his name. I wrote about him in a letter to Crystal. I was "people watching" he was the most interesting. He was writing to, I wonder if he wrote about me wondering if I was writing about him. I should have asked. hahaha! He wrote all the way from Tucson to Phoenix as did I. He offered to help me take my bags off the bus. Thank you "The Guy".

P.S.S. Hey 7! your letter is four pages long, but I wrote it on a bus so it's bumpy at parts, I'll mail it Monday. :)

Lesson of the day: One moment can make or break your day.