Tom Arnold is freakin' hilarious! Hahahah! He was on Jay Leno tonight for his new book "How I lost 5 pounds in six years". I am definitely gonna get that book...just for the title. Man, he's cracked out too, like kind of restless. Funny stuff. I didn't know he was 44! Whoa. There is some golfer chick on right now too.

Oh yeah...I just realized "Wow! I've had this page for a long time!" Almost half a year...(that's a long time for me).

Wow! I love Third watch! It's the best show in the world. At least to me. :) So yeah, i just got done watching it. It was the first of FIVE new episodes (Five is ME!) Leading to the season finale. Well Sully has been an Alcoholic for most of the season (all of the season) SO...Some of the other cops "kidnapped" Sully and took him into the woods for an intervention. It was a great episode. Usually the show skips around between the cops, paramedics, and firefighters but this episode showed what happened with Sully like how he went though withdrawls. He was seeing things and he hit Bosco over the head with a small log because he though Bosco was a bad guy. Great show. :) You guys should check it out! Monday Nights on NBC...It's on after Fear Factor so at 8pm for me (here in Arizona)
Whoa...someone fucked with my Template...WTF?!? I'm confused, how did it happen???

I did that "weirdo" quiz again...




what sort of weirdo are you?

this quiz by orsa
Nice huh? it's so me...
"Muehehehehe" Just sound it out man...

I posted this on this page too, but I really want everyone to see it, so I'm going to put it up on this page too. it's my top 10 list of "Favorite Smells"
here it is:
1) Jasmine Blossom
2) Rain in the air: like when you can smell it before it comes, and it's so thick in the air
3) Campfire: the next morning on your clothes
4) The air at the beach or in the "forests" in Hawaii
5) Orange Blossom
6) Fresh Roses: Like in a garden or when you are out pruning the bushes
7) The Forest/ Christmas Trees: especially after it rains
8) The desert when it rains
9) Men that I care about: with or without cologne they all have a certain/different smell...*sigh*
10) My Pumpkin Pie Baking in the Oven

Oh God! I've done Nothing but smile the last few days...I'm sure people think I'm stoned (but I'm not). Any ways, Life is good.Actually, it's not good, It's GREAT!!! Paul is great...I'm so into him. *sighs, and floats off to cloud nine*
I'm doing a lot of Volunteer work this week. Wednesday I've got a ride-a-long from 4pm to Midnight. And then Friday I'm going to be a victim for the Paramedic class from 8:30am to around 2:30pm. Cool huh? I think so. Saturday I should be doing a Habitat For Humanities building project. That will be fun, but I need to call around (fuck today is "A" shift! Damn it!) I have to call on Wednesday. Because the contact guy is a Rover. so I can't just call one station to find him (unless I get lucky) Darn. Eh! Birthday party to go to. Bye bye! Crystal is Legolas too! YAY!!!

one more quiz today! hehehe. I love these things. Crystal did some pretty cool shit with the "My pics (shibby)" page and with the "nothing yet" page I really like it, a lot. y'all should check it out...
about this quiz...I think Legolas is the hottest character there! hehehe. Too bad this doesn't put a pic of him on my web page. :( That would be great! Ohhhh! It does.
Legolas


Which Lord of the Rings Character are you?
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Today is Quiz day!




what sort of weirdo are you?

this quiz by orsa

I am an imaginary number 1i I don't really exist _

what number are you?

this quiz by orsa

31.25 %

My weblog owns 31.25 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?

You are garnet You sometimes seem like a snobby and bossy person, but really, you are always thinking about other people before thinking about yourself.

take this quiz!

"WE make a living by what we get, but we make a Life by what we give." unknown
Just think about that. God! I love my life. I've got the greatest guy. He is really awesome, and I'm so comfortable with him. I just enjoy having him around. , I miss my big sis...That's all for now.

Man! I'm falling hard for this guy. he's really great. Last night he said "Jonya, I'm really falling for you" and I was like really? and he said "yes" and I was like Truthfully? and he said "yes" then I said "I already fell" God! he is great, I'm so worried that he is gonna break my heart. We were talking about what we are looking for in a companion. And after he said his thing I kinda chuckled 'cuz I was gonna crack a joke, and he toldf me to say it...so I did. I was like "So, basically you're looking for me." :) and he said "yes, I am looking for you. I've waited my whole life for you" oh, man! he's got a way with words...sometimes it's totally story book, you know? Too good to be true, like "How can this be my life?" but right now it is. And it feels so good.

YAY! I get to see him today! It's really great outside right now, sun is out and it's probably about 80 degrees (give or take some) or so out side right now. I bought (with mom's money) some oranges today, so I'm getting ready to go sit on the grass out front and have an orange or two (they are kinda small for oranges) Just kinda to enjoy the weather outside. It's great out today. :) Breathe Deep...

I'll add on to last nights (late night) post: God, this guy is great! But when I wrote last night I was happy because I got to talk to my big sis (Crystal)! God! I love talking to her! She really is my big sister.
But yeah (Jamie) I did talk to him, not really about anything in particular. He's so great. I mean...*sigh* He tells me (constantly) how good I am and how gorgeous I am, and "I've got this light about me"…He really makes me smile. Last night he told me “I’m crazy about you” (*sigh* I’m crazy about him too). I keep going back and forth between being so happy about him and being ecstatic about my big sis! She's gotta come visit me now...Life is SO good!!! I really want to go camping....

Do you ever just have memories, and wish you wrote them down on somedays, kinda so you could keep remembering them over and over again? I do.

Oh My God! Dude! Holy Shit! AhhhhhhAAAAhhH!!!! YAY! I love you Big SIS!!! *Sigh* God! Life is great! It really is...I can't even say anything...I love my life! I'm SO Happy right now! I just want to jump up and down! AHhhhhhhh! I've got this little "happiness" buzz (adrenalin or endorphins...something!)

Class was good...Grief & Death Notification. Long, and that classroom is HOT! But, he wasn't there. Blah! It's all good though...so, I'm gonna vent:

*sigh* (here goes) I really (REALLY) like this guy...But, I am so afraid of being hurt. I don't quite know what to do. My mind is pulling me in two different directions. It's like I like him but I'm scared. I like him more than I am scared of being hurt. It's just that it's there in the back of my mind.
I'm going to see him tomorrow...should I tell him I'm afraid of being hurt? I want to know what he wants from me, like: relationship, friend (I'm sure it's not just a friend), (as bad as this sounds) friends with benefits? See...to me, he is a great guy, definitely Boyfriend material, but I don’t know what he wants...should I ask? I think I should but I don't want to scare him away...I mean it's not like I'm gonna ask him to be my boyfriend (I leave that up to the guy) I just wanna know...eh!

hehehe! I was just listening to a CD in my Jeep (Crystal will get a kick out of this). Well, song ends and next one starts, the guy didn't even start singing , it was just the intro music, and this little voice pops into my head, "This is my dad's song to me!" *sigh* good times, good times...This one's for you 7!

YAY! 2.5 hours until class! (the clock on this site is wrong)

***Note: when I said "Stupid People suck" :) I was refering to people that have no common sense. (or very little common sense, for that matter). I guess like when people say (or do) "stupid" things...How many people have heard the song "Where's Your Sign?" I think stupid people need signs...Oh yes, and I realize that I am NOT perfect. I too have done stupid things...I don't do them all the time though.

YAY! :) class starts in 7 hours...still too far away. :(
(is that enough detail on the "Stupid People" thing?)

Awww...he wasn't in class today. Bummer. :( Hopefully he'll be there tomorrow. He called me. I've barely known him for a week and it was SO nice to hear his voice on the other end of the phone. *sigh* I'm going to bed now.
~Sleep with Angels~
Breathe Deep...

Yay! I have class tonight! I can't wait for class...I wish the class was a whole semester long. So...what is my day like? Actually looks kind of busy. I work from 10am until 4pm at 5pm I've got a Lake Pleasant protocol meeting (in case there is a lake emergency). Immediately following that is the cadet meeting. Then I haul ass out to Tempe for my class. I wonder if I can get the cadet meeting info early so I can leave right after the Lake Pleasant protocol thing. That would be great!

Hmmm…Crystal might get to come down for the Mexico trip, she’d be here the 20th. That would be so awesome! It really would. Oh, I wish I wish I wish (I were a fish! Teehee!) She would come. Then she can meet “The guy” :) That gave me this (3rd pic down) I really like him… (I’ll write more later today)

Oh...One more thing :Stupid people suck...they piss me off (is that bad that I say that? I think stupid people piss everyone off)

hey! How many people watched Fear Factor tonight? How about Meet My Kids (supposed to be Meet My Folks)? It was great...although I'm bummed Third Watch wasn't on...:(

Song of the Day: "All that Jazz" (who sings it?) I've had it in my head since I woke up...
Memory of the Day June 26th 1999 The day my little(est) sister was born. God she was so small. She's grown up so fast...still growing up so fast. I don't know what I'm gonna do when I have kids. Can't protect them forever you know... *sigh* I love my family. I can't wait (uhhh...Yes I can) until I have my own family (probably a very long ways away). *Wow man! I can't even think one sentance without thinking (ummm) more than one sentance? Hahahah.*

Today I was reading over some of my old enties in the archives. I can't believe how far I've come along (like my mind set) since what happened with Mike. I've recently (within the last few months) realized that he was not as good to me as I thought...I felt like he had "pulled the wool over my eyes" I mean, If you read the first few entries on this website. I was saying how I thought no one could ever treat me better than he did... Jesus Christ what was I thinking!!!! I mean shit! He always took his problems out on me! Yelled at me...I didn't deserve it. but he just wanted power over something, me. Not anymore. I used to think I was never going to get out of that "rut" I was in after he & I broke up...Used to think I was going to hate every guy forever because they were all like him...But , God!, they aren't! and I see that now. I am so much happier now... I feel like I smile a lot more, and I feel good about myself again. I don't feel like every guy is like him anymore...Thank God!
Breathe Deep...

I'm having the best day today. I'm sure I could explain why, but I don't really feel like I need too. you know? I didn't really have anything else to say right now except:

It's beautiful out side today...I wish I was doing something later, maybe I should go hiking or something. It's too great out to sit at home all day *after work*. :) And...Today is just a really good day!

WOW! I just had the coolest date ever! (No, really I think that was the best date I’ve ever been on.) I know I grinned the whole nightlong. I mean that is totally a good thing. You know? *Sigh* I wish Lani would pick up her phone. I want to tell her all about it.

My step dad likes him…my mom likes him. ***I like him***(They really liked it because he introduced himself to them and shook their hand. My step dad said “he looked me right in the eye when he did that, I like that. He’s good”) ~I’ve got the biggest grin right now. :) and I'm sure I sound as giddy (p-wotw) as a high schooler. hahaha.

We went out to eat at The Cheese Cake Factory. I’ve never been there and it was so awesome. And he gave me the coolest gift I’ve ever gotten; I’m seriously going to carry it around with me all day tomorrow so I can show it off. It’s really cool. WANNA SEE??? (3rd picture down)
Then we went and saw Chicago. I had a really great night tonight. Really great…Sleep with Angels and Breathe Deep…

I've got a date, I've got a date, I've got a date. Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hehehe, Hmm... My memory of the day: New Years day 2001...Biggest hangover ever! Hmmm, I only get them when I drink and don't get enough sleep. :( I don't think I wanna be a "party" person anymore. It's really not my style. The whole drunk thing, It's really not any fun, you know? (Who's catching on to the fact that I have a Hangover! My first one since New Years 2001. Not cool, not cool at all.) So about the party thing, it's really not me anymore. I'm done with it...I think I'm ready to grow up already. I'm tired of fucking around with my life. *Sigh*
I like beer, I think Bud Light tastes pretty good. But truthfully, I don't think I like being drunk. I think I would like to just have a beer once in a while. you know, relaxing...just for the taste.
Fuck I'm tired. I think I want to get my nails done. I dunno, I've been growing them out (trying) usually they look like guys nails all cut short. but now they are about [] <-that long (eh! a little bit shorter. tiny bit)
So...I'm gonna (hehehe "need you to mover your desk, yeah..." sorry, I watched Office Space, like, two or three times last night.) go now. Later! Breathe Deep...

Oh! And my date is tomorrow at 6! Yay!

Word of the Week: Hyper

AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Yay! Yay! Yay! Today was SO AWESOME! (Today being March 6th, not the 7th) Well Jacqui & Brandon were at my house, we went out to breakfast with my parents, then Jacqui, Brandon and I went and got Jen's B-Day gift(s) hehehe. And we went and saw "Cradle 2 the Grave" with Jet Li and DMX. It was fucking great! Lot's of action, it had everything: Robbery, Fighting, Dead people, Evading Cops, Fighting, Being a Dad, Talking to Other bad guys (Tom Arnold) and Fighting, Police Chases (on a Quad)! Fighting. Guns, explosives, Being a dad again, Fighting, Bad guys go Good...the end! Great, it was lots of fun! Then I went to class, and there is this really great (seeming) guy in my class (who's name I won't disclose) that I wanted to talk to...I got there and I was thinking "I'm gonna sit by him"...He wasn't there! NO! So I sit...he came in late. And he sat near me! (Yay!) So of course we talk during breaks. He asked if I had a busy day...you know little 'chit-chat' anyways, 4 hours later class is over...and I'm thinking to my self "go talk to him, ask if he's single" but at the same time I'm like "no, no. I can't....I'm too chicken." So I walk out of the building a few steps in front of him, then we're talking and he says "hey, do you wanna go get a coffee?" (AHHHHHHH!!! Hehehe) enough said... we sat and talked for like 2 hours (oh and he paid!)...Now, he doesn't SEEM like a great guy, he IS a great guy...Anyways, He has my number. 3rd that has asked in two weeks, MAYBE he'll be the first to call…(please, please, please) and I have his number (that is a first) And...He asked if I wanted to hang out this weekend...once again, enough said. YAY! Good night! Breathe Deep...

Well life is doing...okay. I am about to run to the bank and drop off a deposit, and then I'm gonna get W-2's from Mike...yep that's right, "the EX" I'm afraid of seeing him...I know he's changed a lot, Is it change? He’s just different...that's all. I would rather remember him the way he used to be.
After all I've been through, and this might put me right back where I was. I mean...I had my "epiphany” you know…”life will go on, I don’t need him! I’m better off without him” but seeing him? I don’t know…I feel like it’s going to set me back. And I worry about that. I worry about myself when I think about him.
But at the same time, I want to see him. Want to see how much better I am than him…(then I worry that I am not better off than he is) I just want to be strong enough to face my fears…

So! Today is my dad's Birthday...Happy 45th B-Day dad! hehehe...I think I have to write this just because it's never happend before. (I hink Lacey just went outside and puked..weird, how did she know to go out side?) So First off, I never (almost) get my number asked for (or get hit on) and you might be thinking..."not true, it's happend twice in the last two weeks" but, they never follow through...the last one didn't...this one probably won't. Well here is what I was gonna say. When we went out for dinner tonight, this guy was totally checking me out. Then he came up to my (family's) table when we got seated and I talked to him for a few minutes. He's nice...he told me i was beautiful. I have never seen a guy have enough guts to come up and talk to a girl in front of her family. It was cool.

Wow, I can't believe it's Friday already, On Thursday I went to Rodeo, New Mexico. There is a wolf sanctuary there called Wolf Song and I got to hang out with wolves for a few hours, I even got kisses from wolves. They were so beautiful. I got to see wolf cubs too. They were so awesome. There was one wolf called "Chico" he would be so much taller than me if he stood on his back legs.
This morning I got up early and went horse back riding at Ft. Hauchua (i think that's how you spell it) my horses name was/is "Diablo"...hehe "Devil". He was a big horse. I got of good picture of the two of us together. It was only $20 for two hours...I want to go get a job at a horse stable now. I love horses. I want one so bad. *sigh* wishful thinking...

know what....I LOVE RAIN!!!!!!!! I can't wait to go to Hawaii...so much water all areound me and RAIN (more than 4x's a year! heheh) It's so beautiful when it rains, it's really just georgous. No doubt about it.
So let'd face the truth now...he's not gonna call, it's been 3 days (not counting Saturday night) and he's defiently not gonna call. It's all good though. I don't mind.

Song of the day: "She's My Kind of Rain" by Tim McGraw

*sigh* well, Life is good. For some reason I can't stop smiling today. It's like I'll be driving along and all of a sudden I get this huge grin on my face. "Why?" you may ask...Well I don't know. If you read my last "blog" you may be thinking "oh, that guy probably called her..." Actually, NO, he didn't and to tell the truth I'm not sure if he is going to. See the way I figure it, if he doesn't call today then he probably isn't going to call. Know what though, it's no big deal.
So I still don't understand why I'm so happy today, but I am and that's all that matters.

Word/Phrase of the Week: Insane/ "It was INSANE!"
AHHHHHHHH!!!! I can't explain my head really... I feel so good right now. I haven't even thought about guys since Thusday night. That night I finally got to the point in my head where I was like, "You know what, I don't need a boyfriend. I'm okay on my own and I'll be okay on my own."
It took me a long time to come to that decision...but I reached it. And I just smiled, you know? It's weird the way the world works, the second I stop looking for a guy... Happens to be in the same minute a guy starts looking for me. I'm not saying anything big...but One little thing happend in all of my "maddness" today, and I totally didn't expect it... What could this "one little thing" be? first let me explain myself: I haven't had a guy approach me and "hit" on me in...(to tell the truth I don't know) Then only way I ever get guys is if my friends set me up with them, which kinda sucks. But, it's my way of life (hehehe)...SO I got asked for my number tonight, and I'm sure there are a few people reading this like "not cool, not cool at all" but it's such a BIG self-esteem booster! I'm tired of being "set-up" with guys by my friends...I mean don't guys understand that they are supposed to ask girls for thier #'s or hit on the girls? A lot of guys "now-a-days" are scared, I don't know why (what's up with that?!?)...so, yeah this guy was (is) really cute...and it totally made my day for that to happen. Crystal probably thought I was on crack when I called her after I left. Just wait until (if) he calls me, then she'll really think I'm on crack when I call her.

yesterday when I woke up I felt so good. I felt like I wanted to smile and Like every thing was gonna be fine... I was gonna get over it, and I was gonna be happy, and that someone out there was gonna love me and when I found it...it would be real and it would be forever...I wanted to smile when I woke up yesterday.

Today, I'm not even sure if I woke up...I hurt and I feel like it's gonna go on forever. My own private hell. My mind is so burred right now. I feel so numb and blank. I hate feeling like this, it's like... "what's the point?"

Michael just called me...I wanna cry. Today was so good when I woke up I felt like I was gonna make it and I felt like I was gonna be okay...I dont feel like that anymore, God I hurt so much right now. I wanna die, that's how much I hurt. I feel like that would be so much easier... Why is this happening to me? What did I do so wrong!? Nothing! I gave him everything I EVER had, and he tore me to shreds...What did I do to deserve this.
Right now I just wanna curl up and sleep forever, but even in my dreams this haunts me...yeah "just somehting I have to breathe through" I didn't even know it was him when I picked up the phone, Then I realized...Michael...My heart dropped, My voice went shaky...
I wasn't even sure what to say, like I had all these things in my head that I could have said, but I couldn't even open my mouth to say them, and when I did nothing came out....I felt so good this morning...What happend?

So, we all know that "There's no such thing as 'What might have been?'" right? SO why is it so hard to forget the past? That's all I want to know.
I mean shit! (For those of you who don't know the story) it's been almost six months, and I still look back at that night and think, "What if I would have just stayed there? What if I didn't try to go home?" I shouldn't think like that. It was his fault not mine! So why does it hurt me so much?
So, Yeah, Life's not fair (or easy) we all know that. But you'd think that I would at least get it a little bit easier than Michael, I mean he caused this! I didn't do shit to him! I didn't even get my hit in. But he did everything he tried to do that night. Now I'm the one left damaged and broken...He's doing fine and dandy... I'm beginning to think that he didn't really love me, maybe he doesn't know what love is…Or maybe he's so desperate to find it that he thinks he finds it in everyone. He tells his new girlfriend how much he loves her. It's been three months, and he loves her! Almost six months since we were over and he already loves someone else... So I thought about that, He told me he loved me after three weeks when we started going out...I remember that moment too... We were laying in my bedroom at the Olive house, laying there with my head on his chest, just holding each other. And he said "how long do you think it takes to fall in love?" I dunno...why? "Because, I think I love you." Don't say it unless you mean it... I didn't tell him I loved him for like two weeks after that, Every time he'd say "I love you" I would just reply, "I don't know yet" and then one day I did. It's just a blur now... How did three years go by so fast? I wanna scream, and cry!!! instead I just sit here and think of how it all went wrong, and worry that I'll never have that again. I feel like I'm FUCKING psychotic!!!!!! I just wanna let go... I wanna live my life, for the last six months I've felt like I'm just going through the motions, not even getting things done...not even going anywhere. Just going through the motions. I wanna live, I wanna move! I wanna get things done. I wanna grow up and forget him! I wanna stop feeling like a little kid, and just grow. Forget Mike and get better! I wanna fall in love again, and get married and have kids... but I feel like it's never gonna come, Like I'm gonna be stuck in this "I'm scared of being HURT!" rut (that I've been in for the last six months) forever. I don't want that, I don't want to be scared forever...
I can't believe what he said to me on the phone yesterday...

Well I just TRIED to set up DSL in my moms office, and I talked to Matt on the phone! Yay! Crystal and Pat and Matt are coming down to Phoenix!!!!!! I am so excited. I miss them so much. Well I have to take a disk back to my dads house as soon as my "boss" gets here. AndI need gas in my car + money for this weekend. :) Yay!!! I can't believe it's Thursday already!
Oh the DSL thing I have to wait for her to give me some info on our ISP then I have to figure out the phones. STUPID phones.

Grrr!!! Stupid haloscan. it's not working correctly (actually not working at all) I would ask if anyone knew how to fix it but you can't comment so I wouldn't find out anyway. Grrrr!!! Well I am gonna set up my moms DSL for her office now.
Oh, Oh! It's working again! Woohoo! I don't know what happened, but it's better now. :)

I think today has been one of the slowest days in my life...Is that bad? No not totally. I've been trying to think of things to write. I talked to Crystal and Matt last night and both of them offered to be my "shrink"(s) because I told them I think I'm psychotic. There is a long story behind that too, and if anyone is interested in it I will gladly tell you if you e-mail me… (jur311@hotmail.com) “The first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem” right? So anyway, I spent a total of two hours on the phone last night. I haven’t talked on the phone that long in forever. But it was really nice. I like the attention, I think sometimes all I need is a phone call and someone to talk to me. Ugh I’m bored. I’ll write more when I have more to write about. :-)

I started working on saturday, then I went to Tucson yesterday. I can't really say anything "exciting" is going on...same old, same old... I really miss Colorado. :( I wish I could have gotten a job, but know what, Hawaii is gonna freakin' ROCK!!! I can't wait until Crystal is there with me (yeah, and pat too) hehehe. And then Matt is gonna come visit. Hell yeah, It's gonna rock. But for the moment, I have a head ache and I think I am getting sick. I'm probably gonna go home and sleep after work. I don't want to get sick. Oh, And I'm gonna e-mail Crystal. Later.

Well I made it safely back to Phoenix...it's actually kinda nice to be here. Maybe it's just that I don't have the stress of having to look for a job (because here, I already have one), I dunno. I got to see April, Caralynne, and Briana today so that was pretty cool. I got to my dad's house around 3:30pm. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be (driving from Colorado to Phoenix) It was kinda cool to go stay in a hotel too. I've never stayed in one alone, and I admit it...I had to sleep with the bathroom light on, (because I am afraid of the dark in unfamiliar places) Also, I don't like eating alone (in restraunts) it was totally depressing for me, but that could be due to a lot of things. I dunno. I'm tired and I wanna go to bed, Bye guys.

It’s been quite a long time since I wrote on here at all. I barely get on the Internet long enough to check my e-mail anymore. I don’t know why… so, what’s going on in my life? Well, Still no jobs out here in Colorado. Really depressing, I think I’ll just try again later, maybe in a year or so. But for now I’m going to head back to Arizona and work for my mom during tax season…any one need their taxes done? After Tax season is over (April 15th) I am gonna try to go to Hawaii for about a year and just…live.
I don’t really feel like I have much going on to write about. Usually I would have tons to write about. Christina was here the 17th- 21st of January. That was totally wicked. Matt, Pat, Crystal, Christina and I went out to go sledding (we took a blow up raft to sled in) last Saturday (the 18th) found one totally wicked hill that wasn’t right next to the freakin’ road. SO we all piled out of Matt’s car and blew up the raft (it has a foot pump). And while we were doing that there was a thought that the flat part at the bottom of the hill was water (ice) with snow on top. Anyway, Matt and I headed to the hill first. The first part of the snow was about knee deep (higher at some parts) then it was no more than an inch or two deep on the flat part. So we were walking to the hill and we get near the end of the flat part and start into snowdrifts again. My first step went about shin deep and I looked at Matt and I was like “whoa, I think my foot is wet” it felt soaked and frozen…yep, I had stepped straight thorough the ice! By then Crystal, Christina and Pat are right with us, and we’re like “F%&@ this! Lets go back. So we all head back across the flat part to the car and Crystals like “I can hear it cracking” and we’re like “shit!” so we start to spread out because every step we took you could hear the ice crack under out feet, and basically we ran back to the car deflated the raft and we ended up at the hot springs half way to Grand Junction. Afterwards we had dinner at Village Inn (which is the Denny’s of Colorado, because they are all over and I can’t even remember seeing one Denny’s) and headed back to Good ol’ Broomfield (we didn’t get back until 2am on Sunday morning, but it was totally an awesome trip.
Sunday we went to the Red Rocks, which was pretty cool it’s like an amphitheater (is that spelled right) in the rocks. There were tons of stairs there too. It was great we walked up the stairs and on the way down we slid on the railing. It was awesome.
Anyways, nothing going on now, before I leave Colorado I am going to go take a picture of this wicked waterfall that we saw up in the mountains…Oh! And last Saturday I saw a real live buffalo herd. It was awesome! Anyways…Later!

Well, I haven't written much at all!!! Yesterday was weird. Crystal and I went out toeat and part of the bill was 15.55. Crazy huh!?! It's all about 5's lately. I have someting really cool to put on the picture side of the site "Nothing Yet" but I have to get the pictures developed first. I'll tell you guys when it's up. You'll love it I'm sure...aren't you just fiendin' for it now? hehehe.
Anyways...not much going on lately. I heard that Van's Skate Park is hiring... I hope they call me...please please please!
Joe's keys' don't work too good, so I'm gonna go. (that's where I am now. Joe's house... Joe is Pat's Cousin...Pat is Crystal's Boyfriend.) Later All. I love you Lani! :) Bye

my throat hurts! I think I'm getting sick. :( Crystal and I had a sleep over last night! hehehe. She snores WAY too loud. hahhaha.

Today is the 5th! it's my number, 'cuz I'm 5 (@5.7.9@) and I talked on the phone to Lani today and half an hour after I got of the phone with her I looked to see how long we talked and it was 55:55! Isn't that freakin' Crazy?!? anyways...Later!

yeah, that movie was weird! (Clockwork Orange) tonight we are gonna watch another movie :) ( Moulin Rouge) I've seen it before but Crystal hasn't, so we rented it. It's cool, I think my favorite part is when they sing. :) I told Crystal that the next movie we rent should train spotting. It was a weird movie, good (and at some parts funny ~in a kinda Gross way~) but very weird.
Pat and Matt are cooking for us right now. Last night Crystal and I made the BEST spaghetti, we did the sauce on our own too, not the out of the jar stuff, and the bread turned out freakin awesome! We made our own garlic bread! All we did was buy a loaf of fresh bread. It was so yummy! And we sat at the table like a "civilized family" hehehhe, it was fun! All right I'm gonna go hang out in the other room! Bu-Bye! :) :-p

Hey what's up? not much here. I'm writing this like a note. :) anyways today is (was) good. I talked to my dad on the phone and when we hung up he said "I love you" I always wanna cry when he says stuff like that. I love him so much. Anyways I had a big long talk with crystal tonight. for like an hour and a half, it didn't feel like that long. she's definetly my best friend in the wide world. I seriously love her like a sister. My Big sis (huh 7?) anyways we are gonna go watch a fucked up movie (clock work Orange) Later. Lani I miss you, call me when you get your cell. And STINA is coming !!!!! YAYAYAYAYYAY!!!!!

I love living here with her because it's like we can have "girl talk" anytime. She's always there for me. I love you man!

Holy iSht! I can't believe it's 2003! I know I'm gonna fuck it up when I write on papers...I'll probably still write 2002. Last night was cool I got FUCKED up!....yeah I was pretty wasted. Good way to ring in the New Year. And lucky me NO hangover! woohooo! Crystal & I are gonna make Laulau (Yummy!) tonight...or try. :) okay we are going to the store...the Oriental store. Bu-bye!

Wow! It's been 4 days since wrote on here...That's my record, I think. I dunno. I leave to go home to Colorado tomorrow morning. Cool huh? Christmas was great. I ended up staying in Phoenix for two extra days so I could go see Lani in Tucson, but I didn't even get to do that. Kinda Shitty. Hopefully I'll get a chance to see her when she has spring break. Oh I got to go to California on Thursday and got new shoes!......Long story I'll write it later. Bye gotta go My friend is here! Bye!

So, I'm home now, I tried calling my swim coach and got his voice box, I think I should have left a message...but I didn't, I'd rather talk to him, so I'll call back on the 26th. I hope he doesn't think I quit.
The bus ride to Phoenix was really long, it was supposed to be only 21 (HA! only!) hours but it ended up being around 23 hours. It's cool though I made some really neat friends. It's weird how you just talk to people on bus rides. I can't believe I am doing that again in 3 days! agggghhhhh! oh well. I'm really glad I got to come home for Christmas, it would have been nice to have a white one but I have plenty of time for that later in life. :)
I just got off the phone with my aunt in Hawaii, I got to talk ot her for about 40 minutes, which is cool I haven't seen her in about a year and before that it had definetly been a while. I got her address though, so now I can write to her. I love writing letters...pen pals are fun, (aren't they 7?) hahahah. Anyways I'm gonna go now...gotta give Santa some time to slip down the chimney. Night guys...Breathe Deep & Merry Christmas!

My life IS crazy...2 days until Christmas, and I will be home for it. Expensive...but I'll be home. I gotta call my swim coach and tell him. bye.

I feel good right now. I really like this swim team so hopefully everything will work out. yesterday we swam about 4,500meters. And my muscles are killing me, but it's good. It snowed on my way to practice yesterday! It actually snowed starting at 2pm until around 7:30pm where I live, it didn't snow in Denver though...at least not that I could tell. Well I am starving right now so I am gonna go grab some food! Bye Bye!

Well I went to swim practice yesterday...I almost threw up like 3 times. But I didn't. For the warm up we swam 300m swim, 200m kick, and 100m pull. After that we did 50mx8 freestyle, then 25mx25 butterfly, then 1000m Individual medley, then another 1000m Individual Medley, and a 200m cool down. Yeah, it was tough...I'm not sure if the hardest part is the fact that I haven't had a real practice in so long or the mile high altitude. I'm totally gonna be ready for nationals when we get to it. I have 5.5 months to get ready.

Okay, so I talked to the new team. They are looking for a new coach because one of theirs is leaving. Here is how it could work: I coach for them and in return they give me a scholarship to be in the club. It's the only way I could ever afford a club like that...it's $2,400/year! I'm sorry but that's insane. Hopefully I get the job, then it's about 8 hours of my week and they pay for me to be in the club. That would be nice, anyways today I go back and they are gonna let me practice with them, and I'll get to talk to the head coach. I'll head there around 3:10ish.

well that swm team probably won't work out...I know it's been a few days, I just haven't been able to get on-line. Well, that team sounded great, but they want me to pay for the whole year up front, I can't afford that. Because I am a non-residnt the price would have been $625/year (which is actually $2/month cheaper than gauchos) and the price is going up Jan. 1st. Pretty shitty huh? well Ihave another team lined up that I am gonna check out. I have two of the coaches numbers up on my white board. Oh and I'm extatic! I got 3 letters from Adam today! well tah-tah-for-now! I'm gonna go take a shower!

Okay, well I'm going to go check out a swim team right now...crazy huh? it's 36 degrees out and I wanna go swim (in an out door pool!) !!! I just can't stay away, All I'm gonna do is watch thier practice and talk to the coach. But maybe he'll let me start even though I can't pay yet...in that case I am going prepared. I've got my suit on and towel ready. :) Bye!

Life is good! hahaha....I'm on the phone with my step-mom. :) hehehe I got a new phone! Well, new to me (which is all that matters!) I like it, it's pretty! And I took our movies back today. Let's see what else did I do? Uhhh...Look for a job...that's about it, but hey! it's still early. :-p...Bye bye!

Oh, Yeah...AOL Blows! hahaha...I can't type in any AIM window or anything....Stupid AOL! (maybe it's just becasue it's the AIM Express Version...So I don't have to download anthing, I don't like downloading on other peoples computers.)

I'm supposed to head home in 6 days, for Christmas...I can't believe it's that time of the year already. It seems like last Christmas was only a month ago. Goes to show you how fast the year can pass. Since last Christmas I have accompished what? I have gone through the EMT-Basic course in college and gotten my EMT certification, I have taken my first written test with a Fire Department (And gotten an Interview!!!) , I have worked in the Glendale Fire Department. I was an Assistant Manager at a pool, and also the Head Coach of a Swim Team. (Any More???) I had reconstructive Surgery on my Achillies Tendon, Taken Wildland Firefighting Course, ummm... Ended a Three Year Long Relationship...Oh And I MOVED out of State! I wonder what will happen next year...Pretty Good for a 19 year old huh?

Monday...today, I actually like Mondays, the beginning of a new week. My horoscope (like I believe that BS) this week says that my "work" luck is an "A" so I should be able to get a job! hahah, But it also says I should avoid Libras...almost everyone in this house is a Libra. I'm gonna hide from them!

Wow, today was interesting, I slept until 1pm. I haven't done that in quite a while. (I think) I guess it doesn't help that I didn't go to bed until 5am. hahaha. I spent the last 20 minutes beating my door sensless trying to put anew door knob on. That was fun! but hey, nowI I have a key lock on it. :) bu-bye

I am having De Ja Vu again...I can't believe this twice in one week. I just had this feeling that something was gonna happen so that something wouldn't happen...I wonder if it will come true. Because my De Ja Vu was just that I had though it wouldn't happen...and I felt like I had thought the exact same thing about the exact same thing before.... Weird....Yeah, maybe I should go to bed soon.

Yay! it's Friday....Did anyone sign my guestbook? I just put it in last night. I can't beileve I didn't go to bed until like two am, then I woke up on my own around ten or 10:30am. Usually I would have slept until noon, but I woke up good. I went and took some of the movies back to Blockbuster & went to the post office. Then I was gonna set up my PS2 but there is a cord missing (pardon my language but...) that fucking sucks! There is no way I'm gonna go buy that cable again, it's probably like twenty dollars, I can't afford that.
Yesterday I went out and put in some applications so I can have a job until I get hired with Crystal. Cool huh, I can't wait. I really like it here, A lot! Crystal & I have matching Key chains w/ a "special key" on each one. It's out thing. :) well I'm gonna go now. Later!

WooHoo! Crystal doesn't work tomorrow! (I'm on her computer right now...shhhh!) I have my bed in my room and it's cleaned out I've even got some pictures on the wall. So last night I had a really weird dream.
First I was at school (high school) and Mike was there and I kept talking to him and it was like we had just gotten in a fight because I was still really mad at him and he was kind of mad at me. Then school got out and I drove this huge white truck somewhere, And next thing I know I was with the Cadets I saw Katie , Sophie & Alex. And we were doing some kind of Practical thing so we had gloves on and we were waiting for calls on car accidents. I kept taking my gloves off and having to put new ones on when we got calls. Then after that I was at some kind of party, and Casey & I were the first ones there so I had a drink already and I was sitting on the couch and they gave me another one then there were like 15 people there sitting on the couches and I was getting cups to have slushies and everytime I put my cup down I had to grab another one because my cups kept dissappearing. So I kept going to the cubboard ( I dunno how to spell that) and grabbing new cups.
I woke up kind of sad. I don't know why. I think it was a really weird dream, especially the fact that I kept changing my gloves and getting new cups. I didn't even have a reason to change the gloves I was just standing there I hadn't touched anyone yet. I dunno it was weird.

YAAAAYYYY!!!!! I'm home, I am so happy to be back. I love you Lani & Mom & everyone else...Momm (april) the Banana Bread is freakin awesome! I had some on the bus. The trip home wasn't as bad as the trip there. I met a ton of cool people, mostly (hot) guys...and me being the only decent looking chick on the bus I got a lot of attention...Hahahah! Yaaayyyyy! I'm home. I'm gonna go find a job until I get hired on with Crystal. Gotta be productive.

Oh, yeah...I feel really good today, it was snowing in New Mexico last night, and I threw a snow ball at a Budweiser (this should make the parents feel good, I had to look up how to spell "Budweiser") sign and then I threw one at some chick! . :) We had a few tiny flakes this morning. :-p I feel really good right now. Gonna take a shower, I'll feel even better! Yay! I love my Life!

Know what else, I am listening to Metallica right now (on Crystal's computer) and I listened to "Nothing Else Matters" and it didn't bother me at all. :) ~for those of you that don't know, it was Mike & My song...for three years, I remember for our two year anniversary he was out of town and I heard "our song" and it made me cry like all day long.~ I'm glad it didn't bother me because it's a freakin awesome song. I had songs with almost all of my ex's... Stephen "I Cross my Heart"(George Strait), Paul "Life's a Dance"(John Michael Montgomery), and Michael "Nothing Else Matters"(Metallica)...I've only had four boyfriends and my first one & I didn't have a song...I dunno if he really counts. It was like 8th grade! hahahah! Taylor Davis, I remember still...

Anyways I'm gonna go take my shower now! Bye.

I feel great today! I got a lot out that I needed to get off my chest. You know what though, some people just don't understand (You know who you are MM...Have you ever really been in love? Seriously, I want an answer) I can't believe the nerve of some people to say that "it's been four months you should get over it" after I had been upset all day. Just so you know...You made me cry. Comments like that are totally not acceptable, especially if you want to stay on my good side. So you've officially used your one "asshole" card, I won't give you another one. No offense but I don't need friends like that, so if you want to stay on my good side, an apology would make me feel a little bit better. Yeah.
On a better note! Last night was awesome! I went over to Casey's house and Him, His brother (Brandon) His roommate (Justin ~hottie~ hehehe) and I played "Twisted Metal: Black" until 1am! I got my ass beat (I think the most kills I got in one "derby" was two, hahaha), it was the thumbnails I swear! They were just to damn long, I couldn't push the buttons right. :) It's okay, when we were done I trimmed my nails a little bit shorter. (Don't worry 7! they are still there) But now I can push the buttons right! Yay! I can't wait to come home and play, what about you 7? I'm gonna bring my guitar, and my PS2, hmmm what else am I bringing? I dunno...We'll have to wait and see, seeing as how I haven't packed yet. My dad still hasn't called me. He's at work right now, I could call him...But I really wish he would call me...So I knew he was taking the time out of his day to think about me. I wonder if he does a lot.
Wow! I'm sure I am not the only one that noticed...I have a lot of issues over guys. Wow I just had really bad De Ja Vu! Insane! I know what's gonna happen...I'm calling Crystal...I'm gonna make a bet with her.Okay it's done. weird. Okay....I love today. It's awesome so far! Me so happy.

I'm a Jello Shot!, discover your ALcoHoLiC personality!

I''m 41.5% X-rated. How X-Rated are you?

It's december 1st! I can't believe it...wow I did so much today. I love Mike's family. I miss them so much, I miss him a lot too. I went to visit Shannon and Kyrsi & Kaylie today. Then I went and visited Suzzette, and then I went and saw grandpa Stu... I really do love them. More than they know...I think I was crazy today, I wanted him so bad, not him totally just the feeling of his arms around me his smell...I used his bathroom today, it looks exactly the same as it used to. His cologne was sitting on the counter along with all his other bathroom stuff. ***Aqua Di Gio*** I miss him so much sometimes. everything about him...I hate it because I can't get rid of the thought of him when I am near those things...His name, his cologne, how he hates tomatoes, how he loved Cherry Pie & Green bean casserole, the way he would hold me after a fight, Just the way he would hold me, his eyes...God, he had beautiful eyes. I loved everything about him, I still do...that's why I hate it so much, because I crave it... I smelled his cologne when I used his bathroom, it was like a knife in my heart...I feel like I'm suffocating when I think of it (Breathe Deep)...Like it's a drug that I just want more of, but I can't pay the price. Sometimes I wish I could though...Just for one more day.

today is good so far, I woke up at 10:30 on my own...no alarm or anything. And I didn't go to bed til like 2:30am...I'm adding more to this post. Lets see today was pretty cool, I didn't really do to much. I hung out with my little sis. I love you Lani. we went to the storage unit...I found my contacts, I've been looking for them for like a month already. I found a lot of stuff I wanted. My ankle feels good today too. it's only the 3rd day that I've been able to take the boot off & walk around. I was scared at first to go out with it off. It was all tight, but it felt really good today. :) I was so happy I got to see John a lot yesterday. John is like my little brother. I love him to death. I got go to the movie with him and just hang out. It was like "old times" hahaha. Any ways, I love you lani...be careful. :-p

I went to the movies tonight...:)

I really wish I had someone here to talk to. Not in a bad way or anything, It just sucks being the only person here (at work). I should practice typing words like "just", "always", and "because". I always mess up the letters when I type them. It's 'cuz I always try to rush it. I try to rush typing everything.
I don't even think people read this site anymore... I'm pretty sure Lani & Crystal read it on a regular basis...but no one ever comments on it. Not even when I ask questions. That's the only thing I care about, if I ask questions... I want people to answer. :( Anyways. My life is absolutely CRAZY right now! hahaha. I can't wait to get back to Colorado.
Lani, when are you gonna come visit me...I am trying to talk mom to coming up with you for Christmas break...but grandma comes in on December 24th... Totally messing up Mine & Crystals "Christmas Idea" who knows maybe there is a way to talk mom into all 3 of you coming, mom can stay in a hotel w/ grandma! we can go snowboarding!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want a white Christmas Damn it!!!! I want to have the Party w/ Crystal & make snowflakes w/ everyones name on it.... UUAHHHAGGGGG!!! (that was a funny scream! hahahah)
I really want to spend Christmas & New Years in Colorado...my new home.... But I would feel like a complete ass if I didn't see grandma when she came down. I mean I am her oldest grandchild. But uggghghhghhghgh! F&^% Man! this sucks... Help me out here... I'm tired of not being on my own, look! I can't even make my own plans, something always changes it... Family, I love my family but GEEEZZZZ I just want to get away from them for a while. (a long while, then only see them for special occasions... hmph! like holidays... damn... I haven't been away long enough for this one yet.)
By the way, I need to have a talk with my dad. I already had one with my mom. I kinda just want to say somethings to him that I never said, and who knows...maybe I'll actually have the courage to say what is really on my mind. what I really think. I'm tired of holding it in, I've been doing that for way to long. And he need to know before it hurts him in the long run. I wonder what he'd say.

Once again I am very tired. :( I really should work on getting more sleep. But, I did have fun not getting enough sleep...I watched a movie...wanna know, wanna know? huh? huh? huh? Star Wars Episode II! Yay! It was the first time I had seen it. Very good. I don't even remember when it came out though, some time in the last year, right? Well Life is pretty good, it is gonna be Crazy when It gets closer to time to leave for Colorado again. But I can't wait, I miss it already. I still haven't seen Marie, John, or My dad. I tried calling my Dad but he never called me back, he knows I'm moving, I don't understand why he doesn't even try. Kinda Fucked up if you ask me. But then again I shouldn't be surprised, he didn't show up for my last swim meet...Yeah, I STILL have issues over that, I should jsut get over it. But I can't :(...I am way to used to being dissapointed by guys. This better not last for the rest of my life.

YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY! I had a doctors appointment this morning, and I get to start working the boot off! WooHoo!!! Within a week I sould be wearing shoes! Both of them! yaaaayyyy!!!!!! I want a pair of Globes so bad! I loved my Globes, they were so Comfortable and they looked good on me!

I truly wonder how many Mike's I am going to meet this Month.... I'm a Mike-Magnet... Here's how this one e\went. I got on the Greyhound leaving Denver at 6:15pm. I had to change busses at 3:20am. Wel the first bus had a lot of empty seats, this one... I had to share a seat, I dreaded the thought of having to sit next to a stranger for twelve hours. that is a long time, so when I got on the bus I picked out a seat next to a guy I had overheard say that he'd just finished paramedic school, I figure that way we at least have something in common. We talked a little bit, then he fell asleep. No fair! I was so tired and I couldn't fall asleep. Well around 7am realize I don't even know the dudes name. Well I pick out three names that look like they would fit him: Adam, Mike, and Bryan (just for shits and giggles). Well I finally started noding off. I think on my whole 20 hour trip I slept for two hours. I am so exausted right now! the bus made a couple of stops for a few minutes at each place. I think finaly around 11:30 he was totally awake. well we were talking about our return trips, since we were both going round trip, him from Albequerqe to San Diego and back, and me from Denver to Phoenix and back. Then I was telling him abnout how many Mike's I had met in the last two weeks and he says "well now you know one more Mike, my name is Mike." I was like "what?!?" heheheh...funny huh? I am a Mike magnet. He was nice though he let me fall asleep on his shoulder and we laughed at the crazy guy in th back together. By the way he ws in Paramedic School for the Air Force... He does Para-Rescue. Cool huh. He goes back to Albequerque on Saturday I don't go back to Denver until Tuesday December 3rd. :( it was cool talking to him though. I miss colorado, I wanna go back already...Phoenix doesn't even feel like home any more, it's so weird. But my trip down was Amazingly long! but it was okay. I am so tired...did I say that yet?

10:10am...This is the earliest I've been awake in like three days! Can you believe it? I'm really tired though, I've been staying up way to late. I was up 'til 4am last night. Yeah I definetly want another hour of sleep, at least. Off to bed I go again...Good night! (~or morning, hehehhe~)

Wow! It's 7:20 and I am just now posting. I usually do it really early in the day... Not much to write about right now. I go back to Phoenix tomorrow, but I move up here December 3rd! Yay! It's gonna be so Awesome. Okay, well I am going to go now, nothing to write about...Bye.
~Pat made the dogs fall all over me, and Keiki kept whacking me in the head with her tail. Punk!

Thoughts of Yesterdays
Jonya Ululani Repucci

He never told me it would last forever,
I guess I just assumed it would go there.
The end of three years took just an instant,
I shiver and remember with tears.
I never dreamed life could change so fast into “What might have been?”
From dreams of tomorrow and the rest of our future,
To thoughts of yesterday and of MY past.
I feel so lonely as I stand right here.
My throat gets tight, fingers around it, memories rush back.
It’s not real this time, but still I fill with fear.
I always thought I could defend myself, always thought I was so tough and so strong.
But now grabbing at his hands I feel myself break.
I haven’t felt this low in so long.
My memory fades back to my past it’s my dad this time,
His hand around my wrist, I just wanted to run away.
A fight over scissors that ended with the snap of a belt,
Again I am broken… Back to thoughts of yesterdays…
I reach up to my face; I swear I can still feel that scab.
Back in the driveway, how did I end up on the ground?
My knees and my hands are scraped up my throat still hurts…
But that’s not what hurts most
I feel like he took my heart along with my breath in that one moment.
I told myself “Walk away. Walk away and never look back.”
But it’s hard to not look back, I wonder if he could change.
I wonder if it would be the same fear or if I’d live in fear.
I look deep down I know the truth inside.
This time just makes it easier for next time,
And next time I might not be so lucky to walk away,
With a scab on my face and a scar on my heart…
So I will walk away, but I still look back.

This is funny. (not really, but to me it is) I woke up late again. One o'clock, this is what I get for staying awake until 4am. Well I sat down to get on the computer and I wasn't even thinking about how I sleep. But I looked down and there is a big "X" on the inner part of my left leg, right by my knee. I was like "What the? How did that get there?" I totally forgot that on the backside of my right hand there is a big black "X" from the concert last night. I looked again, there is an "X" in the same spot on my right leg. I think that one is just a copy of the one on my left leg. Hehehe, I think it's funny.

I have no idea what I got on to write about...I went to a "Lords of Acid" concert tonight. I pretty much had a blast, except for the fact that I was exhausted when it was over. I still dunno what I wanted to write. The concert was fun though. They had some pretty good songs. hehehe. I saw a bumper sticker on the way home that I liked.

"I started with nothing, and I still have most of it"

It went something like that. here is my own.... "life is weird like that sometimes, but hey you gotta live it. So why not LIVE it."

ps. I have my own picture style ~You can't steal it all cliffy! I thought of it first...but I'll let you use it, 'Cuz I'm nice.~

I just remembered something...I woke up crying this morning. I woke up right when the tears started falling. It was weird, it felt like I should be crying, so I rolled over, wiped them off and fell back asleep. I don't even remeber why. Someone was gone, but I don't remember who he was... Hmph! my knight in shining armor dissapeared. That's what it felt like at least. I wanna scream. I fell like I have all these problems and no one wants to help, I feel so confused and I feel like there is no one to listen. Why? I think it's because of yesterday.

I wish I knew what was going on in my life! What's going on in my head? I can't think strait. My mind is full of all these "Thought Balls" I wanna reach up and grab one but they are bouncing to fast! Stop slow down!!!!!!!!! Uggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!

"Live today to the fullest, because tomorrow is not promised."

OKay, so I'm over it from earlier... Today was just one of those hard days. But it got a lot better than it was. I had fun we went to Crystals dad's union dinner for Thanksgiving. It was hilarious, ther were raffling off a ton of turkeys. Chanelle, Pat, Crystal and I were sitting at our table drawing stuff and writing stuff. Guessing how old a guy was and shit. Well, Crystals dad hands us his ticket for the raffle. And we were like, what were the numbers? So we wrote them on the table, and Pat underlined it. Then Crystal says "everyone concentrate on 419. because those were the ending numbers. So we all put our heads on the table and thought about our numbers. And they started calling the next ticket. And they said "419" we were Like "Holy shit" we hadn't even been thinking about the numbers for a minute, and they called them! It was great. WE won a Turkey! Pat says "gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble" hehehehe.

I'm totally going to vent right now, maybe it'll make me feel better. Today started out pretty good, I woke up at like one. (it's nice to sleep in sometimes) and my throat doesn't hurt as bad as it used to. But some how in three hours that I've been awake, life has gone to shit. (not really but that's how I feel right now) How did this all start???
I sent Mike (Taylor ~ "the ex") a text message asking why he didn't call me back about his phone. (this is where it all began) he replys saying he didn't know he was supposed to call me back about it. So I call him to talk to him about it. He says he's gonna keep it for a little while longer until he can afford the one he wants, and somewhere in the midst of telling me that he says somehting about revving it to hard. So I ask him "what?" he says he revved the car to hard. "what car? do you drive now?" no, it's Mellissa's car. "oh, should I let you go?" no, she's at work... "Oh, who's Mellissa?" my girlfriend.
~this is where it all went wrong for me... How can he have a girlfriend already. That's just not right. I wonder if she's better for him than I was.
"how long have you guys been going out?" Since November 4th... "Oh, do you go to school with her?" No she works at the Depot. "oh, it is that girl that always would smile at you when we went in?" No, which one was that?
~what do you mean which one was that? idiot...you know they were looking, don't play dumb, there were like three of them
"Well what's she look like?" ~stupid question, i really don't wanna know. Why did I ask? She's like 5'5" brown hair to her shoulders. "oh, okay... So about the phone, when do you think you'll have the money to get your own?" Not this paycheck, Mellissa's CD bearings went out and I'm gonna help pay for them to be replaced. "Oh, okay" ~I just wanted to scream at him! he never bought me anything like that. Helped my mom buy me new tires once after we had been dating for a year and a half, and he bitched about that! Fuck! I hate him so much! We went out for three years and I have nothing to show for it, except a wall that I've put up to keep people out!!!!! That Prick! I hate him so much...I never want to talk to another guy again! Right now I feel like they are all like him, or like they will all be like him. I gave him so much and I have nothing to show for it. I put so much into that relationship and how did he thank me??? He didn't he scuffed me up and now all I am is DAMAGED... ruined, no one wants what I am now... How could they? But still I keep torturing myself... Wonder what it would be like if he was still mine. If I was still his. I want to scream and cry and throw a tantrum he's not worth my tears, why am I giving them to him? Why does this hurt so much, why can't I stop it? I bet he loved it, I know he could hear the jealousy in my voice talking about her. I know he liked it, a thousand miles away and still he had the power to hurt me. To rip my heart out again. go ahead, stomp on it, I know you like it! You always did, always liked to know you were the one that had me in your grasp, always liked to know exactly what hurt the most... you loved to see me break, loved to see me weaker than you...Because I knew what I wanted with my life, I knew where I was going. And you didn't, you liked to see me weaker didn't you I wonder though, is that how it really was? I wonder if I am just bitter from all the times you made me give in first... you did know what hurt the most...I could never come close to it on you.
"Are you sleeping with her?" Not yet, why? "Just curious"
~Why do I tourture Myself like this?....This is how I know I'm not ready for another relationship yet...

I didn't wake up til one o'clock today! I'm such a bum. Still sick my voice started to go a bit last night. But my throat isn't as sore. I guess that is a good thing. Right. Anyways I'm bored right now. 3 more hours til Crystal heads home. Hmmm, what to do????

Oh yeah... I did only get two calls/reply's. Mom called me yesterday right after I sent it out. And Lani called me Last night.

Man this sucks, now my ear is in on it too! Stupid stupid stupid ear! Well I just got done sending out an e-mail to my family and some of my friends down in Phoenix. Lot's of fun. I don't know how many of them will actually read it. And of the ones that do read it who will reply or call. I'm guessing two max. Mom and Lani. The last time dad called me was to see if I knew where Lani was. I think it was the first time he'd called in like a month. He's really busy with work so I guess I understand. (wow that was fast, my mom just called me, hmm... well that was fun) The picnic yesterday really was a blast. Crystal & I even got flowers :) Pretty ones, that match...Speaking of the picnic I gotta go get my pictures from walgreens! Yay! BRB hehehe

Ugghhh!!!!! I am so sick right now. :( I keep sneezing and sniffling... :( I hope I am better by the time I go home. The drive would really suck if I'm sick. The picnic was a blast! bye

Yay it's time for a picnic. And Crystal & I spent all afternoon in the kitchen getting ready for this! We had fun last night. Crystal, Pat, Mike, and I went to Butch's house last night. I was good though. I didn't drive home. hehehe. Friends don't let friends drive drunk. Get what I'm saying? Well last night was the first time I've ever played darts. And after having 5 drinks I did really good. Except like every 2nd dart I threw stuck in the wall. None of the guys even stuck them in the wall when they hit out of the target. Well Mike & I were a team. The other teams were Crystal & Pat (who didn't even drink...Yay for the DD's) Jen & Sy, and Butch & Megan. I whoop ass. I threw a bullseye on my first turn. Then when the next team went to go Butch realized it was only set for two teams. So we had to start again. But I threw another bullseye! Well Mike & I rocked, we won first! Okay Time for a Picnic in the mountains. :) Yay! Bye. Go look at pictures! ("Nothing Yet" link) Hey it's 1:08pm heehehe

Hmmm, let's see what did I get done yesterday? It was so much fun. Crystal and I headed out to get our Colorado drivers licenses around 12:30. Know what's funny. Up here they have a separate building for Drivers Licenses. It is it's own building, it doesn't even say DMV it says "Drivers License" how crazy is that. Hehehe. So, we totally had fun while we were there. Took pictures and stuff while we were in line. Played “Good Samaritan”. :) Aren’t we angels? Then it gets to be our turn and the guy won't let Crystal get her Colorado License because all she had was her AZ license. The dude was a Dip Shit, but I got mine. My picture is pretty good, except for the fact that I look way too much like my mom!
Then we go to the union; by the time we get there it's 3:45pm! Where did the time go? It’s ‘cause we pit stopped at the 16th street mall. Hehehe. So I filled out my papers.
After that we went to Cherry Creek so I could show her the bathrooms. We got side tracked by a Godiva store! I have never been in one. The only reason we went in is to get free samples (free samples rock) and ended up spending like $11. Then we go out and sit in the "Grandma, wait here we'll come get you when were done" section and eat the fatty food we bought (chocolate! yummy, but too much makes me sick) And guess what store was right behind us... Build A Bear Workshop! She hasn't seen it before so I showed it to her. Now she wants a bear...(Hey Christmas is coming up, you know who you are) I've wanted one ever since I saw the store in Phoenix. We'll we made it to the bathrooms; I think it was one of the first things we did when we got there. The Chocolate store was after the bathrooms.
To make a long day short, we planned a picnic for Sunday. We got our nails done, hung out with Mike, "visited" a friend, drove around in Denver, and took lots of pictures. :) It was a fun day! Hehehe. Bye!

P.S. We never made it to see Harry Potter, by the time we would have gone all the little kids were out of school, and all of the shows would have been sold out. Oh well, some other time. :)

P.S.S~ Ming Na- she's the ER chick, I half wanted to say that the other night, but I wasn't sure. She is Mulan! And she is also in the "Joy Luck Club"...but I was wrong about Crouching Tiger...that's not her! :( hmmmm, what about James Woods??? ***Yahoo Search*** AhhhhHA! I remember now, he was in Riding In cars With Boys! I knew I had heard his voice recently! I feel so complete now.... ***sighs***

Sure now that Crystal is ready to go I wanna get on & type on my Web Site. Hehehe. I am so goofy sometimes. I wanted to see what she was writing then I felt like writing after she got done writing.
Last night was cool. Even though I've been feeling pretty shitty (sick) we went and watched Final Fantasy at Joe's house. It was pretty good. I spent the entire movie trying to figure out who did the peoples voices. A few of them I got. But the chick took us (Joe & me) the whole movie to figure out. First I wanted to say the chick from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. But that movie is subtitled. But I was almost sure of it; she was in a James Bond movie also. Then the movie is almost over and I'm like "Mulan! It's Mulan! Who ever did MULAN's voice!" so we wait for the credits and it turns out to be Ming-Na. Who I'm pretty sure did Mulan's Voice and is the chick from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon (right) Well I'm still trying to figure out who James Woods is. He does the voice for the Mean General. And I can almost see his face in my mind...but I can't. Oh well, :( I'll look on-line later to check and see if I'm right.
I am going do the Colorado DMV now to get a Colorado Drivers License, then to Crystals Union to put my Application in. TO Cherry Creek Mall ~to show Crystal the bathrooms there, it's fuckin' Tight, I want bathrooms like those in my house~ Then to Go see.... HARRY POTTER! Hehehe YAY. We want to go while all the little kids are in school, little punks. Hehehe. Okay bye.

It's Thursday! Yay. I don't think Crystal works tomorrow. Woo Hoo. I think I am getting sick. I don't feel like doing anything. My throat hurts and it's all dry. I'm really hungry right now. I think I should at least go get some food. I'll write more later. I hope I don't start feeling worse. :(

So today was a total waste of time...not really. but a lot of what I did today was a waste. I had only $29.40 in my account and I needed $35.00 for the application fee. so I figure that if I go around one it'll work out right. Because my mom is putting money in my bank. So I head there... The place is a Bitch and a half to find... but I find it, Well I figure that I can go and use my debit card to pay. But NOOOOOO!!!!! they don't take anything except cash! WTF! so I ask the lady where the closest cash machine is. it only took me like 5 minutes to get there. Then it wants to charge me a fee. Whatever, I try anyways. Money still hasn't gone into my account! So I call mom. It's not her fault, she gave richard a check to put in my account. So I call him. He says that he is sending an e-mail an he'll head to the bank in an hour. Keep in ind that I am already by the place and it's like 3:45pm. By the time he get's the the bank it'll be 4:30...and who know's if it'll go though today. So I say "fuck it! I'll come back tomorrow" I don't wanna get stuck in rush hour, for two reasons. One: Rush hour is Rush hour...Two: I have no clue where anything in Colorado is so I should head back before It get's to hard for me to figure it out. So here I am. and know what... I'm fucking hungry.

Yay! My phone works again!

I taste like Bread. I am a staple in almost everyone's diet. Friends like me are a complement to any other friends I get on with almost everyone, remaining mostly in the background, but providing substance when it would otherwise be lacking. What Flavour Are You?

I better be wheat, or honey nut ***yeah with raisins***... I don't like white bread.

I am a Halo. I believe I am perfect. Others may not think so, but those others are wrong. What Sort of Hat Are You?

Hmmm I could comment on that but then I would sound cocky or like a bitch. What the hell I'll say it anyways. I am perfect, for me at least. :)

Thoughts of Yesterdays
Jonya Ululani Repucci

He never told me it would last forever,
I guess I just assumed it would go there.
The end of three years took just an Instant,
I shiver and remember with tears.
I never dreamed life could change so fast into “What might have been?”
From dreams of tomorrow and the rest of our future,
To thoughts of yesterday and of My past.
I feel so lonely as I stand right here.
My throat gets tight, fingers around it, memories rush back.
It’s not real this time, but still I fill with fear.
I always though I could defend myself, always thought I was so tough and so strong.
But now grabbing at his hands I feel myself break.
I haven’t felt this low in so long.
My memory fades back to my past it’s my dad this time,
His hand around my wrist, I just wanted to run away.
A fight over scissors that ended with the snap of a belt,
Again I am broken… Back to thought’s of yesterdays…
I reach up to my face; I swear I can still feel that scab.
Back in the driveway, how did I end up on the ground?
My knees and my hands are scraped up my throat still hurts…
But that’s not what hurts most
I feel like he took my heart along with my breath in that one moment.
I told myself “walk away. Walk away and never look back.”
But it’s hard to not look back, I wonder if he could change.
I wonder if it would be the same fear or if I’d live in fear.
I look deep down I know the truth inside.
This time just makes it easier for next time,
And next time I might not be so lucky to walk away,
With a scab on my face and a scar on my heart…
So I will walk away, but I still look back.

I am Mario. I like to jump around, and would lead a fairly serene and aimless existence if it weren't for my friends always getting into trouble. I love to help out, even when it puts me at risk. I seem to make friends with people who just can't stay out of trouble. What Video Game Character Are You?

Yeah! Mario was always my Favorite!!! I hated being Luigi... :)

I am so retarded...not really (I am AVERAGE!) but I like these little quizzes. I know Crystal does too.



Yup... average! It's not bad, really, you'll survive life, and your personality doesn't have to stay average. Just don't be upset if you aren't winning every trivial pursuit game, if you know what I mean.


To all of those ppl who ever called me an IDIOT ... hahaha in your face...

Well today started off pretty good, I got to sleep in. I am getting ready to go down to the union to put my application in. But I am starving, so I wanna eat something first. ***Yummy leftover Chicken :) ***
I left Mike's house (around 12:15) and tried to call Crystals Brother, Mark, and my phone won't let me call out, but I can receive calls. You know what that means. The Bill. So I call mom when I get back to Crystals house (after I was lost for half an hour) and she said she paid the bill. I think I am going to get on their web page & see what's up.
Well I went to the page. As far as I can tell it’s not my phone running up the bill. It must be my ex’s (Both phones are under the same account) so I tried to call him and see if he has given my mom any money for his phone lately…No Answer. Damn it! I hate having to be the “bill collector” I think When I talk to him I am going to ask if he is ready to get his phone under his own name now. I don’t want to have to deal with him for this stuff. Sounds like a good idea to me.
Well I am going to call my mom again later. I was supposed to go down to the union today but I only have $29 in my account and I need $35 to pay the fee, but if I go today I will over draw my account and I can’t do that. (It’s an $18 fee) I might have to wait until Friday. Which freaking sucks because Crystal’s job is hiring now and the later I put in the lower on the list I get.

It's Monday! Yay !!! I just talked to Stina on the phone. I hope she moves up here then when I move up here we'll have the whole @5.7.9@ "crew" up here. I can't wait. It'll be great (p-wotw). SO life is good, I really love it up here. I knew I would. I wonder what my dad will say when I tell him I am gonna move out of Arizona... Probably "good riddance" hahaha. I tryed to call him the day before I left to come up here ,and see what it was like, and he never called me back. So he doesn't even know I am here. When I get back I bet he'll ask why I didn't tell him I was going, and then after he, pretty much, bitches me out for not telling him I went out of town He'll turn around and do the same thing ***It's happened before!!!*** We'll since he never called me back he doesn't know that I took my first written test on last Wednesday.
I've been watching cartoons all morning. Aren't you surprised I am even up in the morning? I am on "vacation" I'm supposed to sleep until noon. But know what, it doesn't bother me that I've gotten up early. I really need to go do laundry today. I've been wearing these socks for two days (yuck) and they aren't even my socks.... I had to borrow them from Crystal! ***SORRY DUDE!!!*** Yeah, I need to go wash clothes. Well I'm gonna go now. Bye :)

I found my sun glasses!!!!!!!!! They were in THE LAST PLACE I LOOKED!!! hahaha (Get it? the last place I looked! I crack myself up sometimes.) They were actually wrapped up in my black beenie (how the f&%^ do you spell that?) which was on the floor in a pile of clothes I was gonna throw for a wash. That would ahve been a tragedy (is that spelled right? I don't think so)

Crystal is a fucking Genius! She told me how to center this!
Woo Hoo!
Now I can post my poem that I read at Hazy Dayz...
Once I get off my lazy ass and get it from the car.

Wow, so it’s Sunday already! I have no idea where my fucking sunglasses went, Damn it! Ahhhhhhh! I’ve looked everywhere. Fuck it, I’ll find them later. (Or sooner)

So today was pretty cool, I watched a ton of Cartoons this morning. I don’t really remember what they were about or which ones were on. Hmmm, Alex is SOOOOO adorable (he is Mike’s [<- :)] little boy…2 years old) He was so shy this morning, but then he started not being shy anymore. At first he didn’t want to sit next to me on the couch but after a little while he came and sat next to me on the couch and crawled up and gave me a kiss. It was so cute! Then a few hours later I was playing with him and he jumped up and landed on my nose! Ouch! But I was okay (he kissed my forehead to make it better ***awwwww, how cute:)***) then I had a nosebleed for a whole 2 seconds. The last time I had a nosebleed was the third day of wrestling season my junior year in high school.

Wow it feels like it's 10:00 pm, but it's only 8pm. I am having a really good day (what little of it I had) I didn't go to bed until 6:00am this morning, and then I woke up at nine. But I went back to bed around 1 and slept until 4pm! I am so LAZY! I am getting ready to leave now, but I wanna get at least one "blog" in per day. :) Tomorrow I am going to the mountains and I'm gonna play in the snow. I had fun last night, I met a lot of really cool people, And Pat (Crystal's Boyfriend ~they are SOOOOO cute together) Has freakin Awesome friends (a few cute ones too ~Mike & Matt ;) ) nah, I love it up here in Colorado! It's so beautiful. When I was little I always wanted to move to Colorado. I love it here. It's so great....

Speaking of Moves... I've been thinking about moving to Tucson for a semester, I really like the idea of it. Tucson is really a lot better than I used to think it was. I dunno give me some feed back here. I would be coming for spring 2003. I wonder if Pima Community College has a swim team??? Anyone care to do some reasearch? We'll I'm off. Have a GREAT day & Night!

Fuck it, Have a great week...can you tell I'm loving it here?

Okay so here I am in Colorado...It's beautiful. I didn't get to see it when we drove in last night, it had been dark since New Mexico. But I went out aside, and it was so nice. It's windy the trees are losing thier leaves (it's fall) and the sky is so blue. I've seen blue sky before, don't get me wrong, but it's just perfect. Well I haven't done much today so I don't have anything to write about. Maybe I'll write later. Bye :).

All right! We made it here in one piece! Woo hoo! For those of you who I haven’t called yet (Or did call and you weren’t home)… We are here at Crystal’s house safe and sound. Yay! I am so hungry! We’ve been here for about 15 minutes. Okay well I am going to go now. I’m tired and don’t feel like writing a whole lot. Have a nice night guys. Call me if you want, my phone is still on and it doesn’t cost me extra to use it here… Voice Stream’s “South West Region” plan. I love my phone, hahaha! Okay bye guys.

so it's the 7th, but to me it's still the sixth. I haven't slept yet... to tell you the truth I am not too tired. Since to me it is stilll the sixth I will tell you what I did today. I took my first written test (for a paid position) for Surprise and El Mirage Fire Department, then I went to Tucson to see lani before I go to Colorado, and guess what! I read a poem, a poem that I wrote! Yay! I am so proud of myself. Well I am off to Colorado in a few minutes. Pray for us! I love you Lani.

November 5th… two more days and I will be on my way to Colorado. To tell you the truth I am actually nervous about the drive down there. It’s a 13-16 hour drive. We start off on Thursday (the 7th) Morning. In hopes of getting sleet instead of Ice. But the thing is that by the time we get to where the difference will be sleet or ice it will be sunset or close to sunset already. That’s what makes me nervous. Ice. Cars don’t do to good on ice. It’s going to be nice though. I can’t wait to get away for a little while! It’s been great having Crystal here. She bought me food like 3-4 times already, I hate being broke! I am supposed to take her out she’s the one visiting. But it’s awesome to have her here. The drive back to Colorado is gonna be so Crazy!
Not much else happening in my life. Casey is cool. My ex called me the other day (while I was at Casey’s house) and told me that since he was 17 (he’s 22 now) he’s loved me and that I am like a “permanent fucking scar” in his mind and that he wants me to go away. He wants me to disappear. He doesn’t ever want to talk to me again…not because he hates me but because he loves me that much, and all I am ever gonna do is hurt him… Let me fill you in. Stephen & I went out for a year and a half, we broke up about three months before I turned 16, I haven’t been his girlfriend since then, I am 19 and a half now. I feel really bad for the guy. I think his biggest problem was that he doesn’t have any confidence in him self. If he did he would be so much better off from where he is now. He is doing well though, but he just doesn’t have any confidence in himself. He really needs that. He is a pretty good-looking guy, and he’s sweet, but no one’s gonna dig him unless he boosts his self esteem. I still love him, but it’s not the kind of love that people who are dating have. I love him like he is family. You don’t just go out with someone for a year and a half and lose that, it’s there it always will be…just not the way he wants it.
Like I was saying Casey is cool. I think I’ve known him for like 3 weeks. I’m not quite sure. Oh I met him on the 18th (of October) I think…hahah. It was funny, once I took a shower over there (not with him…perverts!) And later that week he said I could take a shower over there anytime I wanted. Well I joked back with him that I didn’t want to because he didn’t have conditioner…well two days later he shows me all this stuff he bought, and the last thing he pulls out of the bag he goes “oh and this” and It was a bottle of conditioner. Awww! How cute! Cheezy grin!

Wow today is the 4th of November. I can't believe how much has changed in the last year. And how fast the last year has gone. I remember last Thanksgiving I spent part of it over at Teresa & Bruce’s. Caralynne said, “Oh, Damn it!” at the table and everyone was like “???” she is only three right now. So she was two years old at the time. She has gotten so big and is still so small. The other part of Thanksgiving I spent over at Mike’s house, but not this year. Wow, how can three years end in the blink of an eye? Just an instant and it was all over. I wonder now if it was meant to end that way? His family was always so nice to me. I wonder If this year at Thanksgiving they will miss me. I will miss them. I don’t plan on doing anything with my family this year for Thanksgiving. It’s not even my family anymore. I already know what it would be like if I went over there.

Scenario 1, With Dad’s family for Thanksgiving: Go over to dads sometime around noon. Supposed to meet April’s (step-mom’s) Family around one or two. Sit around the house and wait for and hour and a half before family at his house is even remotely looking like they are ready. They look like they are ready. Oh, nope I was wrong. Briana still has to brush her hair…(don’t get me wrong I love them all) so it’s 2:00pm now. Everyone is ready and has their shoes on and ready to go. So I head out to my car to follow them over there. I am sitting in the car waiting; it’s 2:10 now. Finally their car starts up and everyone is sitting in the van. They are ready! Oh wait no. Forgot the camera in the house. Okay it’s 2:15pm now. They found the camera and are backing out. We drive over to wherever we are going. We walk in. Dad is pissy because I didn’t ride with them. Caralynne is cranky because she didn’t get her nap today. Briana and April are fighting over something stupid like she is wearing the wrong shoes because she didn’t have enough time to find the other ones and April made her rush out of the house so she couldn’t grab them. Well we walk in the house and find out that everyone else got there at 1:30 and we are 45minutes late. WELCOME TO MY FAMILY! Lani knows what I am talking about.

Scenario 2, With Mom’s family for Thanksgiving: So we are supposed to be there at 4:00pm. It’s 4:00pm now and mom is finally ready. Richard has been ready and there is just the three of us. I can’t drive behind them if they are going out to Chandler, that’s just too far, but it might be worth it to be able to leave early (not like I have anywhere else to go) We are having thanksgiving with Richard’s (my step-dad’s) Family. And we are already late. Mom is always late, and lately she’s been a real bitch too. SO she is probably already nagging at either Richard, or me, Or Hey! Maybe even both of us! So today is already a bad day. We are late (embarrassing enough.) and she is bitching. So we get there sit on the couch for an hour and a half eat watch the football game (highlight of my day so far) sit on the couch some more. My annoying step cousin bothers me about what happened to my ankle. SO I tell him for the fourth time, Surgery. Then my stepbrother starts in on how he has all this cool shit going on. His girlfriend is the only one close to my age that isn’t totally retarded. I can have a decent conversation with her for a few minutes. I look at my phone it’s 7:30pm now…when can we go home? I wish some one would call me so I would have a reason to leave! Finally I get up and tell everyone “good bye, and how fun today was, thank you for having me. Yeah hugs for everyone have a safe drive home. Okay yeah mom I’ll call you later. No mom I don’t know what I am doing. All right mom! Bye!” Ugghhh, now she’s pissed me off with twenty questions, I am an Adult now and she treats me like a child! I hate it. I wish I had lots of money to move far away from her and still pay for my Jeep. WELCOME TO MY OTHER FAMILY! Once again Lani understands. Don’t you Lani. :)

PS: Lani is not included in either of the scenarios for 2 reasons:
One: She lives in Tucson.
And Two: She smart enough to stay there for Thanksgiving (she knows how our family is)

Well the last few days my entries have been pretty short. But at least I am trying to get them on here, right? I got back from Tucson today around 2:30 that's after taking Stina home. I would have been home by 2:00 which is freakin awesome time. We left around 12:40 that's what my clock said when we got on the freeway. Hella Cool, huh?! (wotw) anyways I am getting ready to take Crystal to visit Stephen. I dunno how long it is since she's seen him. I really don't want him to see me. The last time I saw him he was drunk and kept saying how much he loved me...For those of you who don't know him he is one of my ex-boyfriends, we went out for a year and a half. That’s a freakin long time.

Hmmm, what else is going on in my life? Let’s see. I met a guy. His name is Casey and he's freakin awesome. I really like him. And I think he likes me. But he doesn't know what he wants... don't really know any guys that do. So I guess it's good that I am going to Colorado, then we'll have time apart because I think I like him too much for what he wants. But then again I dunno what he wants. He acts like he likes me a lot. Ugghhhhh! I don't freakin know!