Wow! It's been 4 days since wrote on here...That's my record, I think. I dunno. I leave to go home to Colorado tomorrow morning. Cool huh? Christmas was great. I ended up staying in Phoenix for two extra days so I could go see Lani in Tucson, but I didn't even get to do that. Kinda Shitty. Hopefully I'll get a chance to see her when she has spring break. Oh I got to go to California on Thursday and got new shoes!......Long story I'll write it later. Bye gotta go My friend is here! Bye!

So, I'm home now, I tried calling my swim coach and got his voice box, I think I should have left a message...but I didn't, I'd rather talk to him, so I'll call back on the 26th. I hope he doesn't think I quit.
The bus ride to Phoenix was really long, it was supposed to be only 21 (HA! only!) hours but it ended up being around 23 hours. It's cool though I made some really neat friends. It's weird how you just talk to people on bus rides. I can't believe I am doing that again in 3 days! agggghhhhh! oh well. I'm really glad I got to come home for Christmas, it would have been nice to have a white one but I have plenty of time for that later in life. :)
I just got off the phone with my aunt in Hawaii, I got to talk ot her for about 40 minutes, which is cool I haven't seen her in about a year and before that it had definetly been a while. I got her address though, so now I can write to her. I love writing letters...pen pals are fun, (aren't they 7?) hahahah. Anyways I'm gonna go now...gotta give Santa some time to slip down the chimney. Night guys...Breathe Deep & Merry Christmas!

My life IS crazy...2 days until Christmas, and I will be home for it. Expensive...but I'll be home. I gotta call my swim coach and tell him. bye.

I feel good right now. I really like this swim team so hopefully everything will work out. yesterday we swam about 4,500meters. And my muscles are killing me, but it's good. It snowed on my way to practice yesterday! It actually snowed starting at 2pm until around 7:30pm where I live, it didn't snow in Denver though...at least not that I could tell. Well I am starving right now so I am gonna go grab some food! Bye Bye!

Well I went to swim practice yesterday...I almost threw up like 3 times. But I didn't. For the warm up we swam 300m swim, 200m kick, and 100m pull. After that we did 50mx8 freestyle, then 25mx25 butterfly, then 1000m Individual medley, then another 1000m Individual Medley, and a 200m cool down. Yeah, it was tough...I'm not sure if the hardest part is the fact that I haven't had a real practice in so long or the mile high altitude. I'm totally gonna be ready for nationals when we get to it. I have 5.5 months to get ready.

Okay, so I talked to the new team. They are looking for a new coach because one of theirs is leaving. Here is how it could work: I coach for them and in return they give me a scholarship to be in the club. It's the only way I could ever afford a club like that...it's $2,400/year! I'm sorry but that's insane. Hopefully I get the job, then it's about 8 hours of my week and they pay for me to be in the club. That would be nice, anyways today I go back and they are gonna let me practice with them, and I'll get to talk to the head coach. I'll head there around 3:10ish.

well that swm team probably won't work out...I know it's been a few days, I just haven't been able to get on-line. Well, that team sounded great, but they want me to pay for the whole year up front, I can't afford that. Because I am a non-residnt the price would have been $625/year (which is actually $2/month cheaper than gauchos) and the price is going up Jan. 1st. Pretty shitty huh? well Ihave another team lined up that I am gonna check out. I have two of the coaches numbers up on my white board. Oh and I'm extatic! I got 3 letters from Adam today! well tah-tah-for-now! I'm gonna go take a shower!

Okay, well I'm going to go check out a swim team right now...crazy huh? it's 36 degrees out and I wanna go swim (in an out door pool!) !!! I just can't stay away, All I'm gonna do is watch thier practice and talk to the coach. But maybe he'll let me start even though I can't pay yet...in that case I am going prepared. I've got my suit on and towel ready. :) Bye!

Life is good! hahaha....I'm on the phone with my step-mom. :) hehehe I got a new phone! Well, new to me (which is all that matters!) I like it, it's pretty! And I took our movies back today. Let's see what else did I do? Uhhh...Look for a job...that's about it, but hey! it's still early. :-p...Bye bye!

Oh, Yeah...AOL Blows! hahaha...I can't type in any AIM window or anything....Stupid AOL! (maybe it's just becasue it's the AIM Express Version...So I don't have to download anthing, I don't like downloading on other peoples computers.)

I'm supposed to head home in 6 days, for Christmas...I can't believe it's that time of the year already. It seems like last Christmas was only a month ago. Goes to show you how fast the year can pass. Since last Christmas I have accompished what? I have gone through the EMT-Basic course in college and gotten my EMT certification, I have taken my first written test with a Fire Department (And gotten an Interview!!!) , I have worked in the Glendale Fire Department. I was an Assistant Manager at a pool, and also the Head Coach of a Swim Team. (Any More???) I had reconstructive Surgery on my Achillies Tendon, Taken Wildland Firefighting Course, ummm... Ended a Three Year Long Relationship...Oh And I MOVED out of State! I wonder what will happen next year...Pretty Good for a 19 year old huh?

Monday...today, I actually like Mondays, the beginning of a new week. My horoscope (like I believe that BS) this week says that my "work" luck is an "A" so I should be able to get a job! hahah, But it also says I should avoid Libras...almost everyone in this house is a Libra. I'm gonna hide from them!

Wow, today was interesting, I slept until 1pm. I haven't done that in quite a while. (I think) I guess it doesn't help that I didn't go to bed until 5am. hahaha. I spent the last 20 minutes beating my door sensless trying to put anew door knob on. That was fun! but hey, nowI I have a key lock on it. :) bu-bye

I am having De Ja Vu again...I can't believe this twice in one week. I just had this feeling that something was gonna happen so that something wouldn't happen...I wonder if it will come true. Because my De Ja Vu was just that I had though it wouldn't happen...and I felt like I had thought the exact same thing about the exact same thing before.... Weird....Yeah, maybe I should go to bed soon.

Yay! it's Friday....Did anyone sign my guestbook? I just put it in last night. I can't beileve I didn't go to bed until like two am, then I woke up on my own around ten or 10:30am. Usually I would have slept until noon, but I woke up good. I went and took some of the movies back to Blockbuster & went to the post office. Then I was gonna set up my PS2 but there is a cord missing (pardon my language but...) that fucking sucks! There is no way I'm gonna go buy that cable again, it's probably like twenty dollars, I can't afford that.
Yesterday I went out and put in some applications so I can have a job until I get hired with Crystal. Cool huh, I can't wait. I really like it here, A lot! Crystal & I have matching Key chains w/ a "special key" on each one. It's out thing. :) well I'm gonna go now. Later!

WooHoo! Crystal doesn't work tomorrow! (I'm on her computer right now...shhhh!) I have my bed in my room and it's cleaned out I've even got some pictures on the wall. So last night I had a really weird dream.
First I was at school (high school) and Mike was there and I kept talking to him and it was like we had just gotten in a fight because I was still really mad at him and he was kind of mad at me. Then school got out and I drove this huge white truck somewhere, And next thing I know I was with the Cadets I saw Katie , Sophie & Alex. And we were doing some kind of Practical thing so we had gloves on and we were waiting for calls on car accidents. I kept taking my gloves off and having to put new ones on when we got calls. Then after that I was at some kind of party, and Casey & I were the first ones there so I had a drink already and I was sitting on the couch and they gave me another one then there were like 15 people there sitting on the couches and I was getting cups to have slushies and everytime I put my cup down I had to grab another one because my cups kept dissappearing. So I kept going to the cubboard ( I dunno how to spell that) and grabbing new cups.
I woke up kind of sad. I don't know why. I think it was a really weird dream, especially the fact that I kept changing my gloves and getting new cups. I didn't even have a reason to change the gloves I was just standing there I hadn't touched anyone yet. I dunno it was weird.

YAAAAYYYY!!!!! I'm home, I am so happy to be back. I love you Lani & Mom & everyone else...Momm (april) the Banana Bread is freakin awesome! I had some on the bus. The trip home wasn't as bad as the trip there. I met a ton of cool people, mostly (hot) guys...and me being the only decent looking chick on the bus I got a lot of attention...Hahahah! Yaaayyyyy! I'm home. I'm gonna go find a job until I get hired on with Crystal. Gotta be productive.

Oh, yeah...I feel really good today, it was snowing in New Mexico last night, and I threw a snow ball at a Budweiser (this should make the parents feel good, I had to look up how to spell "Budweiser") sign and then I threw one at some chick! . :) We had a few tiny flakes this morning. :-p I feel really good right now. Gonna take a shower, I'll feel even better! Yay! I love my Life!

Know what else, I am listening to Metallica right now (on Crystal's computer) and I listened to "Nothing Else Matters" and it didn't bother me at all. :) ~for those of you that don't know, it was Mike & My song...for three years, I remember for our two year anniversary he was out of town and I heard "our song" and it made me cry like all day long.~ I'm glad it didn't bother me because it's a freakin awesome song. I had songs with almost all of my ex's... Stephen "I Cross my Heart"(George Strait), Paul "Life's a Dance"(John Michael Montgomery), and Michael "Nothing Else Matters"(Metallica)...I've only had four boyfriends and my first one & I didn't have a song...I dunno if he really counts. It was like 8th grade! hahahah! Taylor Davis, I remember still...

Anyways I'm gonna go take my shower now! Bye.

I feel great today! I got a lot out that I needed to get off my chest. You know what though, some people just don't understand (You know who you are MM...Have you ever really been in love? Seriously, I want an answer) I can't believe the nerve of some people to say that "it's been four months you should get over it" after I had been upset all day. Just so you know...You made me cry. Comments like that are totally not acceptable, especially if you want to stay on my good side. So you've officially used your one "asshole" card, I won't give you another one. No offense but I don't need friends like that, so if you want to stay on my good side, an apology would make me feel a little bit better. Yeah.
On a better note! Last night was awesome! I went over to Casey's house and Him, His brother (Brandon) His roommate (Justin ~hottie~ hehehe) and I played "Twisted Metal: Black" until 1am! I got my ass beat (I think the most kills I got in one "derby" was two, hahaha), it was the thumbnails I swear! They were just to damn long, I couldn't push the buttons right. :) It's okay, when we were done I trimmed my nails a little bit shorter. (Don't worry 7! they are still there) But now I can push the buttons right! Yay! I can't wait to come home and play, what about you 7? I'm gonna bring my guitar, and my PS2, hmmm what else am I bringing? I dunno...We'll have to wait and see, seeing as how I haven't packed yet. My dad still hasn't called me. He's at work right now, I could call him...But I really wish he would call me...So I knew he was taking the time out of his day to think about me. I wonder if he does a lot.
Wow! I'm sure I am not the only one that noticed...I have a lot of issues over guys. Wow I just had really bad De Ja Vu! Insane! I know what's gonna happen...I'm calling Crystal...I'm gonna make a bet with her.Okay it's done. weird. Okay....I love today. It's awesome so far! Me so happy.

I'm a Jello Shot!, discover your ALcoHoLiC personality!

I''m 41.5% X-rated. How X-Rated are you?

It's december 1st! I can't believe it...wow I did so much today. I love Mike's family. I miss them so much, I miss him a lot too. I went to visit Shannon and Kyrsi & Kaylie today. Then I went and visited Suzzette, and then I went and saw grandpa Stu... I really do love them. More than they know...I think I was crazy today, I wanted him so bad, not him totally just the feeling of his arms around me his smell...I used his bathroom today, it looks exactly the same as it used to. His cologne was sitting on the counter along with all his other bathroom stuff. ***Aqua Di Gio*** I miss him so much sometimes. everything about him...I hate it because I can't get rid of the thought of him when I am near those things...His name, his cologne, how he hates tomatoes, how he loved Cherry Pie & Green bean casserole, the way he would hold me after a fight, Just the way he would hold me, his eyes...God, he had beautiful eyes. I loved everything about him, I still do...that's why I hate it so much, because I crave it... I smelled his cologne when I used his bathroom, it was like a knife in my heart...I feel like I'm suffocating when I think of it (Breathe Deep)...Like it's a drug that I just want more of, but I can't pay the price. Sometimes I wish I could though...Just for one more day.

today is good so far, I woke up at 10:30 on my own...no alarm or anything. And I didn't go to bed til like 2:30am...I'm adding more to this post. Lets see today was pretty cool, I didn't really do to much. I hung out with my little sis. I love you Lani. we went to the storage unit...I found my contacts, I've been looking for them for like a month already. I found a lot of stuff I wanted. My ankle feels good today too. it's only the 3rd day that I've been able to take the boot off & walk around. I was scared at first to go out with it off. It was all tight, but it felt really good today. :) I was so happy I got to see John a lot yesterday. John is like my little brother. I love him to death. I got go to the movie with him and just hang out. It was like "old times" hahaha. Any ways, I love you lani...be careful. :-p

I went to the movies tonight...:)

I really wish I had someone here to talk to. Not in a bad way or anything, It just sucks being the only person here (at work). I should practice typing words like "just", "always", and "because". I always mess up the letters when I type them. It's 'cuz I always try to rush it. I try to rush typing everything.
I don't even think people read this site anymore... I'm pretty sure Lani & Crystal read it on a regular basis...but no one ever comments on it. Not even when I ask questions. That's the only thing I care about, if I ask questions... I want people to answer. :( Anyways. My life is absolutely CRAZY right now! hahaha. I can't wait to get back to Colorado.
Lani, when are you gonna come visit me...I am trying to talk mom to coming up with you for Christmas break...but grandma comes in on December 24th... Totally messing up Mine & Crystals "Christmas Idea" who knows maybe there is a way to talk mom into all 3 of you coming, mom can stay in a hotel w/ grandma! we can go snowboarding!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want a white Christmas Damn it!!!! I want to have the Party w/ Crystal & make snowflakes w/ everyones name on it.... UUAHHHAGGGGG!!! (that was a funny scream! hahahah)
I really want to spend Christmas & New Years in Colorado...my new home.... But I would feel like a complete ass if I didn't see grandma when she came down. I mean I am her oldest grandchild. But uggghghhghhghgh! F&^% Man! this sucks... Help me out here... I'm tired of not being on my own, look! I can't even make my own plans, something always changes it... Family, I love my family but GEEEZZZZ I just want to get away from them for a while. (a long while, then only see them for special occasions... hmph! like holidays... damn... I haven't been away long enough for this one yet.)
By the way, I need to have a talk with my dad. I already had one with my mom. I kinda just want to say somethings to him that I never said, and who knows...maybe I'll actually have the courage to say what is really on my mind. what I really think. I'm tired of holding it in, I've been doing that for way to long. And he need to know before it hurts him in the long run. I wonder what he'd say.

Once again I am very tired. :( I really should work on getting more sleep. But, I did have fun not getting enough sleep...I watched a movie...wanna know, wanna know? huh? huh? huh? Star Wars Episode II! Yay! It was the first time I had seen it. Very good. I don't even remember when it came out though, some time in the last year, right? Well Life is pretty good, it is gonna be Crazy when It gets closer to time to leave for Colorado again. But I can't wait, I miss it already. I still haven't seen Marie, John, or My dad. I tried calling my Dad but he never called me back, he knows I'm moving, I don't understand why he doesn't even try. Kinda Fucked up if you ask me. But then again I shouldn't be surprised, he didn't show up for my last swim meet...Yeah, I STILL have issues over that, I should jsut get over it. But I can't :(...I am way to used to being dissapointed by guys. This better not last for the rest of my life.

YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY! I had a doctors appointment this morning, and I get to start working the boot off! WooHoo!!! Within a week I sould be wearing shoes! Both of them! yaaaayyyy!!!!!! I want a pair of Globes so bad! I loved my Globes, they were so Comfortable and they looked good on me!

I truly wonder how many Mike's I am going to meet this Month.... I'm a Mike-Magnet... Here's how this one e\went. I got on the Greyhound leaving Denver at 6:15pm. I had to change busses at 3:20am. Wel the first bus had a lot of empty seats, this one... I had to share a seat, I dreaded the thought of having to sit next to a stranger for twelve hours. that is a long time, so when I got on the bus I picked out a seat next to a guy I had overheard say that he'd just finished paramedic school, I figure that way we at least have something in common. We talked a little bit, then he fell asleep. No fair! I was so tired and I couldn't fall asleep. Well around 7am realize I don't even know the dudes name. Well I pick out three names that look like they would fit him: Adam, Mike, and Bryan (just for shits and giggles). Well I finally started noding off. I think on my whole 20 hour trip I slept for two hours. I am so exausted right now! the bus made a couple of stops for a few minutes at each place. I think finaly around 11:30 he was totally awake. well we were talking about our return trips, since we were both going round trip, him from Albequerqe to San Diego and back, and me from Denver to Phoenix and back. Then I was telling him abnout how many Mike's I had met in the last two weeks and he says "well now you know one more Mike, my name is Mike." I was like "what?!?" heheheh...funny huh? I am a Mike magnet. He was nice though he let me fall asleep on his shoulder and we laughed at the crazy guy in th back together. By the way he ws in Paramedic School for the Air Force... He does Para-Rescue. Cool huh. He goes back to Albequerque on Saturday I don't go back to Denver until Tuesday December 3rd. :( it was cool talking to him though. I miss colorado, I wanna go back already...Phoenix doesn't even feel like home any more, it's so weird. But my trip down was Amazingly long! but it was okay. I am so tired...did I say that yet?

10:10am...This is the earliest I've been awake in like three days! Can you believe it? I'm really tired though, I've been staying up way to late. I was up 'til 4am last night. Yeah I definetly want another hour of sleep, at least. Off to bed I go again...Good night! (~or morning, hehehhe~)

Wow! It's 7:20 and I am just now posting. I usually do it really early in the day... Not much to write about right now. I go back to Phoenix tomorrow, but I move up here December 3rd! Yay! It's gonna be so Awesome. Okay, well I am going to go now, nothing to write about...Bye.
~Pat made the dogs fall all over me, and Keiki kept whacking me in the head with her tail. Punk!

Thoughts of Yesterdays
Jonya Ululani Repucci

He never told me it would last forever,
I guess I just assumed it would go there.
The end of three years took just an instant,
I shiver and remember with tears.
I never dreamed life could change so fast into “What might have been?”
From dreams of tomorrow and the rest of our future,
To thoughts of yesterday and of MY past.
I feel so lonely as I stand right here.
My throat gets tight, fingers around it, memories rush back.
It’s not real this time, but still I fill with fear.
I always thought I could defend myself, always thought I was so tough and so strong.
But now grabbing at his hands I feel myself break.
I haven’t felt this low in so long.
My memory fades back to my past it’s my dad this time,
His hand around my wrist, I just wanted to run away.
A fight over scissors that ended with the snap of a belt,
Again I am broken… Back to thoughts of yesterdays…
I reach up to my face; I swear I can still feel that scab.
Back in the driveway, how did I end up on the ground?
My knees and my hands are scraped up my throat still hurts…
But that’s not what hurts most
I feel like he took my heart along with my breath in that one moment.
I told myself “Walk away. Walk away and never look back.”
But it’s hard to not look back, I wonder if he could change.
I wonder if it would be the same fear or if I’d live in fear.
I look deep down I know the truth inside.
This time just makes it easier for next time,
And next time I might not be so lucky to walk away,
With a scab on my face and a scar on my heart…
So I will walk away, but I still look back.

This is funny. (not really, but to me it is) I woke up late again. One o'clock, this is what I get for staying awake until 4am. Well I sat down to get on the computer and I wasn't even thinking about how I sleep. But I looked down and there is a big "X" on the inner part of my left leg, right by my knee. I was like "What the? How did that get there?" I totally forgot that on the backside of my right hand there is a big black "X" from the concert last night. I looked again, there is an "X" in the same spot on my right leg. I think that one is just a copy of the one on my left leg. Hehehe, I think it's funny.

I have no idea what I got on to write about...I went to a "Lords of Acid" concert tonight. I pretty much had a blast, except for the fact that I was exhausted when it was over. I still dunno what I wanted to write. The concert was fun though. They had some pretty good songs. hehehe. I saw a bumper sticker on the way home that I liked.

"I started with nothing, and I still have most of it"

It went something like that. here is my own.... "life is weird like that sometimes, but hey you gotta live it. So why not LIVE it."

ps. I have my own picture style ~You can't steal it all cliffy! I thought of it first...but I'll let you use it, 'Cuz I'm nice.~

I just remembered something...I woke up crying this morning. I woke up right when the tears started falling. It was weird, it felt like I should be crying, so I rolled over, wiped them off and fell back asleep. I don't even remeber why. Someone was gone, but I don't remember who he was... Hmph! my knight in shining armor dissapeared. That's what it felt like at least. I wanna scream. I fell like I have all these problems and no one wants to help, I feel so confused and I feel like there is no one to listen. Why? I think it's because of yesterday.

I wish I knew what was going on in my life! What's going on in my head? I can't think strait. My mind is full of all these "Thought Balls" I wanna reach up and grab one but they are bouncing to fast! Stop slow down!!!!!!!!! Uggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!

"Live today to the fullest, because tomorrow is not promised."

OKay, so I'm over it from earlier... Today was just one of those hard days. But it got a lot better than it was. I had fun we went to Crystals dad's union dinner for Thanksgiving. It was hilarious, ther were raffling off a ton of turkeys. Chanelle, Pat, Crystal and I were sitting at our table drawing stuff and writing stuff. Guessing how old a guy was and shit. Well, Crystals dad hands us his ticket for the raffle. And we were like, what were the numbers? So we wrote them on the table, and Pat underlined it. Then Crystal says "everyone concentrate on 419. because those were the ending numbers. So we all put our heads on the table and thought about our numbers. And they started calling the next ticket. And they said "419" we were Like "Holy shit" we hadn't even been thinking about the numbers for a minute, and they called them! It was great. WE won a Turkey! Pat says "gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble" hehehehe.

I'm totally going to vent right now, maybe it'll make me feel better. Today started out pretty good, I woke up at like one. (it's nice to sleep in sometimes) and my throat doesn't hurt as bad as it used to. But some how in three hours that I've been awake, life has gone to shit. (not really but that's how I feel right now) How did this all start???
I sent Mike (Taylor ~ "the ex") a text message asking why he didn't call me back about his phone. (this is where it all began) he replys saying he didn't know he was supposed to call me back about it. So I call him to talk to him about it. He says he's gonna keep it for a little while longer until he can afford the one he wants, and somewhere in the midst of telling me that he says somehting about revving it to hard. So I ask him "what?" he says he revved the car to hard. "what car? do you drive now?" no, it's Mellissa's car. "oh, should I let you go?" no, she's at work... "Oh, who's Mellissa?" my girlfriend.
~this is where it all went wrong for me... How can he have a girlfriend already. That's just not right. I wonder if she's better for him than I was.
"how long have you guys been going out?" Since November 4th... "Oh, do you go to school with her?" No she works at the Depot. "oh, it is that girl that always would smile at you when we went in?" No, which one was that?
~what do you mean which one was that? idiot...you know they were looking, don't play dumb, there were like three of them
"Well what's she look like?" ~stupid question, i really don't wanna know. Why did I ask? She's like 5'5" brown hair to her shoulders. "oh, okay... So about the phone, when do you think you'll have the money to get your own?" Not this paycheck, Mellissa's CD bearings went out and I'm gonna help pay for them to be replaced. "Oh, okay" ~I just wanted to scream at him! he never bought me anything like that. Helped my mom buy me new tires once after we had been dating for a year and a half, and he bitched about that! Fuck! I hate him so much! We went out for three years and I have nothing to show for it, except a wall that I've put up to keep people out!!!!! That Prick! I hate him so much...I never want to talk to another guy again! Right now I feel like they are all like him, or like they will all be like him. I gave him so much and I have nothing to show for it. I put so much into that relationship and how did he thank me??? He didn't he scuffed me up and now all I am is DAMAGED... ruined, no one wants what I am now... How could they? But still I keep torturing myself... Wonder what it would be like if he was still mine. If I was still his. I want to scream and cry and throw a tantrum he's not worth my tears, why am I giving them to him? Why does this hurt so much, why can't I stop it? I bet he loved it, I know he could hear the jealousy in my voice talking about her. I know he liked it, a thousand miles away and still he had the power to hurt me. To rip my heart out again. go ahead, stomp on it, I know you like it! You always did, always liked to know you were the one that had me in your grasp, always liked to know exactly what hurt the most... you loved to see me break, loved to see me weaker than you...Because I knew what I wanted with my life, I knew where I was going. And you didn't, you liked to see me weaker didn't you I wonder though, is that how it really was? I wonder if I am just bitter from all the times you made me give in first... you did know what hurt the most...I could never come close to it on you.
"Are you sleeping with her?" Not yet, why? "Just curious"
~Why do I tourture Myself like this?....This is how I know I'm not ready for another relationship yet...

I didn't wake up til one o'clock today! I'm such a bum. Still sick my voice started to go a bit last night. But my throat isn't as sore. I guess that is a good thing. Right. Anyways I'm bored right now. 3 more hours til Crystal heads home. Hmmm, what to do????

Oh yeah... I did only get two calls/reply's. Mom called me yesterday right after I sent it out. And Lani called me Last night.

Man this sucks, now my ear is in on it too! Stupid stupid stupid ear! Well I just got done sending out an e-mail to my family and some of my friends down in Phoenix. Lot's of fun. I don't know how many of them will actually read it. And of the ones that do read it who will reply or call. I'm guessing two max. Mom and Lani. The last time dad called me was to see if I knew where Lani was. I think it was the first time he'd called in like a month. He's really busy with work so I guess I understand. (wow that was fast, my mom just called me, hmm... well that was fun) The picnic yesterday really was a blast. Crystal & I even got flowers :) Pretty ones, that match...Speaking of the picnic I gotta go get my pictures from walgreens! Yay! BRB hehehe

Ugghhh!!!!! I am so sick right now. :( I keep sneezing and sniffling... :( I hope I am better by the time I go home. The drive would really suck if I'm sick. The picnic was a blast! bye

Yay it's time for a picnic. And Crystal & I spent all afternoon in the kitchen getting ready for this! We had fun last night. Crystal, Pat, Mike, and I went to Butch's house last night. I was good though. I didn't drive home. hehehe. Friends don't let friends drive drunk. Get what I'm saying? Well last night was the first time I've ever played darts. And after having 5 drinks I did really good. Except like every 2nd dart I threw stuck in the wall. None of the guys even stuck them in the wall when they hit out of the target. Well Mike & I were a team. The other teams were Crystal & Pat (who didn't even drink...Yay for the DD's) Jen & Sy, and Butch & Megan. I whoop ass. I threw a bullseye on my first turn. Then when the next team went to go Butch realized it was only set for two teams. So we had to start again. But I threw another bullseye! Well Mike & I rocked, we won first! Okay Time for a Picnic in the mountains. :) Yay! Bye. Go look at pictures! ("Nothing Yet" link) Hey it's 1:08pm heehehe

Hmmm, let's see what did I get done yesterday? It was so much fun. Crystal and I headed out to get our Colorado drivers licenses around 12:30. Know what's funny. Up here they have a separate building for Drivers Licenses. It is it's own building, it doesn't even say DMV it says "Drivers License" how crazy is that. Hehehe. So, we totally had fun while we were there. Took pictures and stuff while we were in line. Played “Good Samaritan”. :) Aren’t we angels? Then it gets to be our turn and the guy won't let Crystal get her Colorado License because all she had was her AZ license. The dude was a Dip Shit, but I got mine. My picture is pretty good, except for the fact that I look way too much like my mom!
Then we go to the union; by the time we get there it's 3:45pm! Where did the time go? It’s ‘cause we pit stopped at the 16th street mall. Hehehe. So I filled out my papers.
After that we went to Cherry Creek so I could show her the bathrooms. We got side tracked by a Godiva store! I have never been in one. The only reason we went in is to get free samples (free samples rock) and ended up spending like $11. Then we go out and sit in the "Grandma, wait here we'll come get you when were done" section and eat the fatty food we bought (chocolate! yummy, but too much makes me sick) And guess what store was right behind us... Build A Bear Workshop! She hasn't seen it before so I showed it to her. Now she wants a bear...(Hey Christmas is coming up, you know who you are) I've wanted one ever since I saw the store in Phoenix. We'll we made it to the bathrooms; I think it was one of the first things we did when we got there. The Chocolate store was after the bathrooms.
To make a long day short, we planned a picnic for Sunday. We got our nails done, hung out with Mike, "visited" a friend, drove around in Denver, and took lots of pictures. :) It was a fun day! Hehehe. Bye!

P.S. We never made it to see Harry Potter, by the time we would have gone all the little kids were out of school, and all of the shows would have been sold out. Oh well, some other time. :)

P.S.S~ Ming Na- she's the ER chick, I half wanted to say that the other night, but I wasn't sure. She is Mulan! And she is also in the "Joy Luck Club"...but I was wrong about Crouching Tiger...that's not her! :( hmmmm, what about James Woods??? ***Yahoo Search*** AhhhhHA! I remember now, he was in Riding In cars With Boys! I knew I had heard his voice recently! I feel so complete now.... ***sighs***

Sure now that Crystal is ready to go I wanna get on & type on my Web Site. Hehehe. I am so goofy sometimes. I wanted to see what she was writing then I felt like writing after she got done writing.
Last night was cool. Even though I've been feeling pretty shitty (sick) we went and watched Final Fantasy at Joe's house. It was pretty good. I spent the entire movie trying to figure out who did the peoples voices. A few of them I got. But the chick took us (Joe & me) the whole movie to figure out. First I wanted to say the chick from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. But that movie is subtitled. But I was almost sure of it; she was in a James Bond movie also. Then the movie is almost over and I'm like "Mulan! It's Mulan! Who ever did MULAN's voice!" so we wait for the credits and it turns out to be Ming-Na. Who I'm pretty sure did Mulan's Voice and is the chick from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon (right) Well I'm still trying to figure out who James Woods is. He does the voice for the Mean General. And I can almost see his face in my mind...but I can't. Oh well, :( I'll look on-line later to check and see if I'm right.
I am going do the Colorado DMV now to get a Colorado Drivers License, then to Crystals Union to put my Application in. TO Cherry Creek Mall ~to show Crystal the bathrooms there, it's fuckin' Tight, I want bathrooms like those in my house~ Then to Go see.... HARRY POTTER! Hehehe YAY. We want to go while all the little kids are in school, little punks. Hehehe. Okay bye.

It's Thursday! Yay. I don't think Crystal works tomorrow. Woo Hoo. I think I am getting sick. I don't feel like doing anything. My throat hurts and it's all dry. I'm really hungry right now. I think I should at least go get some food. I'll write more later. I hope I don't start feeling worse. :(

So today was a total waste of time...not really. but a lot of what I did today was a waste. I had only $29.40 in my account and I needed $35.00 for the application fee. so I figure that if I go around one it'll work out right. Because my mom is putting money in my bank. So I head there... The place is a Bitch and a half to find... but I find it, Well I figure that I can go and use my debit card to pay. But NOOOOOO!!!!! they don't take anything except cash! WTF! so I ask the lady where the closest cash machine is. it only took me like 5 minutes to get there. Then it wants to charge me a fee. Whatever, I try anyways. Money still hasn't gone into my account! So I call mom. It's not her fault, she gave richard a check to put in my account. So I call him. He says that he is sending an e-mail an he'll head to the bank in an hour. Keep in ind that I am already by the place and it's like 3:45pm. By the time he get's the the bank it'll be 4:30...and who know's if it'll go though today. So I say "fuck it! I'll come back tomorrow" I don't wanna get stuck in rush hour, for two reasons. One: Rush hour is Rush hour...Two: I have no clue where anything in Colorado is so I should head back before It get's to hard for me to figure it out. So here I am. and know what... I'm fucking hungry.

Yay! My phone works again!

I taste like Bread. I am a staple in almost everyone's diet. Friends like me are a complement to any other friends I get on with almost everyone, remaining mostly in the background, but providing substance when it would otherwise be lacking. What Flavour Are You?

I better be wheat, or honey nut ***yeah with raisins***... I don't like white bread.

I am a Halo. I believe I am perfect. Others may not think so, but those others are wrong. What Sort of Hat Are You?

Hmmm I could comment on that but then I would sound cocky or like a bitch. What the hell I'll say it anyways. I am perfect, for me at least. :)

Thoughts of Yesterdays
Jonya Ululani Repucci

He never told me it would last forever,
I guess I just assumed it would go there.
The end of three years took just an Instant,
I shiver and remember with tears.
I never dreamed life could change so fast into “What might have been?”
From dreams of tomorrow and the rest of our future,
To thoughts of yesterday and of My past.
I feel so lonely as I stand right here.
My throat gets tight, fingers around it, memories rush back.
It’s not real this time, but still I fill with fear.
I always though I could defend myself, always thought I was so tough and so strong.
But now grabbing at his hands I feel myself break.
I haven’t felt this low in so long.
My memory fades back to my past it’s my dad this time,
His hand around my wrist, I just wanted to run away.
A fight over scissors that ended with the snap of a belt,
Again I am broken… Back to thought’s of yesterdays…
I reach up to my face; I swear I can still feel that scab.
Back in the driveway, how did I end up on the ground?
My knees and my hands are scraped up my throat still hurts…
But that’s not what hurts most
I feel like he took my heart along with my breath in that one moment.
I told myself “walk away. Walk away and never look back.”
But it’s hard to not look back, I wonder if he could change.
I wonder if it would be the same fear or if I’d live in fear.
I look deep down I know the truth inside.
This time just makes it easier for next time,
And next time I might not be so lucky to walk away,
With a scab on my face and a scar on my heart…
So I will walk away, but I still look back.

I am Mario. I like to jump around, and would lead a fairly serene and aimless existence if it weren't for my friends always getting into trouble. I love to help out, even when it puts me at risk. I seem to make friends with people who just can't stay out of trouble. What Video Game Character Are You?

Yeah! Mario was always my Favorite!!! I hated being Luigi... :)

I am so retarded...not really (I am AVERAGE!) but I like these little quizzes. I know Crystal does too.



Yup... average! It's not bad, really, you'll survive life, and your personality doesn't have to stay average. Just don't be upset if you aren't winning every trivial pursuit game, if you know what I mean.


To all of those ppl who ever called me an IDIOT ... hahaha in your face...

Well today started off pretty good, I got to sleep in. I am getting ready to go down to the union to put my application in. But I am starving, so I wanna eat something first. ***Yummy leftover Chicken :) ***
I left Mike's house (around 12:15) and tried to call Crystals Brother, Mark, and my phone won't let me call out, but I can receive calls. You know what that means. The Bill. So I call mom when I get back to Crystals house (after I was lost for half an hour) and she said she paid the bill. I think I am going to get on their web page & see what's up.
Well I went to the page. As far as I can tell it’s not my phone running up the bill. It must be my ex’s (Both phones are under the same account) so I tried to call him and see if he has given my mom any money for his phone lately…No Answer. Damn it! I hate having to be the “bill collector” I think When I talk to him I am going to ask if he is ready to get his phone under his own name now. I don’t want to have to deal with him for this stuff. Sounds like a good idea to me.
Well I am going to call my mom again later. I was supposed to go down to the union today but I only have $29 in my account and I need $35 to pay the fee, but if I go today I will over draw my account and I can’t do that. (It’s an $18 fee) I might have to wait until Friday. Which freaking sucks because Crystal’s job is hiring now and the later I put in the lower on the list I get.

It's Monday! Yay !!! I just talked to Stina on the phone. I hope she moves up here then when I move up here we'll have the whole @5.7.9@ "crew" up here. I can't wait. It'll be great (p-wotw). SO life is good, I really love it up here. I knew I would. I wonder what my dad will say when I tell him I am gonna move out of Arizona... Probably "good riddance" hahaha. I tryed to call him the day before I left to come up here ,and see what it was like, and he never called me back. So he doesn't even know I am here. When I get back I bet he'll ask why I didn't tell him I was going, and then after he, pretty much, bitches me out for not telling him I went out of town He'll turn around and do the same thing ***It's happened before!!!*** We'll since he never called me back he doesn't know that I took my first written test on last Wednesday.
I've been watching cartoons all morning. Aren't you surprised I am even up in the morning? I am on "vacation" I'm supposed to sleep until noon. But know what, it doesn't bother me that I've gotten up early. I really need to go do laundry today. I've been wearing these socks for two days (yuck) and they aren't even my socks.... I had to borrow them from Crystal! ***SORRY DUDE!!!*** Yeah, I need to go wash clothes. Well I'm gonna go now. Bye :)

I found my sun glasses!!!!!!!!! They were in THE LAST PLACE I LOOKED!!! hahaha (Get it? the last place I looked! I crack myself up sometimes.) They were actually wrapped up in my black beenie (how the f&%^ do you spell that?) which was on the floor in a pile of clothes I was gonna throw for a wash. That would ahve been a tragedy (is that spelled right? I don't think so)

Crystal is a fucking Genius! She told me how to center this!
Woo Hoo!
Now I can post my poem that I read at Hazy Dayz...
Once I get off my lazy ass and get it from the car.

Wow, so it’s Sunday already! I have no idea where my fucking sunglasses went, Damn it! Ahhhhhhh! I’ve looked everywhere. Fuck it, I’ll find them later. (Or sooner)

So today was pretty cool, I watched a ton of Cartoons this morning. I don’t really remember what they were about or which ones were on. Hmmm, Alex is SOOOOO adorable (he is Mike’s [<- :)] little boy…2 years old) He was so shy this morning, but then he started not being shy anymore. At first he didn’t want to sit next to me on the couch but after a little while he came and sat next to me on the couch and crawled up and gave me a kiss. It was so cute! Then a few hours later I was playing with him and he jumped up and landed on my nose! Ouch! But I was okay (he kissed my forehead to make it better ***awwwww, how cute:)***) then I had a nosebleed for a whole 2 seconds. The last time I had a nosebleed was the third day of wrestling season my junior year in high school.

Wow it feels like it's 10:00 pm, but it's only 8pm. I am having a really good day (what little of it I had) I didn't go to bed until 6:00am this morning, and then I woke up at nine. But I went back to bed around 1 and slept until 4pm! I am so LAZY! I am getting ready to leave now, but I wanna get at least one "blog" in per day. :) Tomorrow I am going to the mountains and I'm gonna play in the snow. I had fun last night, I met a lot of really cool people, And Pat (Crystal's Boyfriend ~they are SOOOOO cute together) Has freakin Awesome friends (a few cute ones too ~Mike & Matt ;) ) nah, I love it up here in Colorado! It's so beautiful. When I was little I always wanted to move to Colorado. I love it here. It's so great....

Speaking of Moves... I've been thinking about moving to Tucson for a semester, I really like the idea of it. Tucson is really a lot better than I used to think it was. I dunno give me some feed back here. I would be coming for spring 2003. I wonder if Pima Community College has a swim team??? Anyone care to do some reasearch? We'll I'm off. Have a GREAT day & Night!

Fuck it, Have a great week...can you tell I'm loving it here?

Okay so here I am in Colorado...It's beautiful. I didn't get to see it when we drove in last night, it had been dark since New Mexico. But I went out aside, and it was so nice. It's windy the trees are losing thier leaves (it's fall) and the sky is so blue. I've seen blue sky before, don't get me wrong, but it's just perfect. Well I haven't done much today so I don't have anything to write about. Maybe I'll write later. Bye :).

All right! We made it here in one piece! Woo hoo! For those of you who I haven’t called yet (Or did call and you weren’t home)… We are here at Crystal’s house safe and sound. Yay! I am so hungry! We’ve been here for about 15 minutes. Okay well I am going to go now. I’m tired and don’t feel like writing a whole lot. Have a nice night guys. Call me if you want, my phone is still on and it doesn’t cost me extra to use it here… Voice Stream’s “South West Region” plan. I love my phone, hahaha! Okay bye guys.

so it's the 7th, but to me it's still the sixth. I haven't slept yet... to tell you the truth I am not too tired. Since to me it is stilll the sixth I will tell you what I did today. I took my first written test (for a paid position) for Surprise and El Mirage Fire Department, then I went to Tucson to see lani before I go to Colorado, and guess what! I read a poem, a poem that I wrote! Yay! I am so proud of myself. Well I am off to Colorado in a few minutes. Pray for us! I love you Lani.

November 5th… two more days and I will be on my way to Colorado. To tell you the truth I am actually nervous about the drive down there. It’s a 13-16 hour drive. We start off on Thursday (the 7th) Morning. In hopes of getting sleet instead of Ice. But the thing is that by the time we get to where the difference will be sleet or ice it will be sunset or close to sunset already. That’s what makes me nervous. Ice. Cars don’t do to good on ice. It’s going to be nice though. I can’t wait to get away for a little while! It’s been great having Crystal here. She bought me food like 3-4 times already, I hate being broke! I am supposed to take her out she’s the one visiting. But it’s awesome to have her here. The drive back to Colorado is gonna be so Crazy!
Not much else happening in my life. Casey is cool. My ex called me the other day (while I was at Casey’s house) and told me that since he was 17 (he’s 22 now) he’s loved me and that I am like a “permanent fucking scar” in his mind and that he wants me to go away. He wants me to disappear. He doesn’t ever want to talk to me again…not because he hates me but because he loves me that much, and all I am ever gonna do is hurt him… Let me fill you in. Stephen & I went out for a year and a half, we broke up about three months before I turned 16, I haven’t been his girlfriend since then, I am 19 and a half now. I feel really bad for the guy. I think his biggest problem was that he doesn’t have any confidence in him self. If he did he would be so much better off from where he is now. He is doing well though, but he just doesn’t have any confidence in himself. He really needs that. He is a pretty good-looking guy, and he’s sweet, but no one’s gonna dig him unless he boosts his self esteem. I still love him, but it’s not the kind of love that people who are dating have. I love him like he is family. You don’t just go out with someone for a year and a half and lose that, it’s there it always will be…just not the way he wants it.
Like I was saying Casey is cool. I think I’ve known him for like 3 weeks. I’m not quite sure. Oh I met him on the 18th (of October) I think…hahah. It was funny, once I took a shower over there (not with him…perverts!) And later that week he said I could take a shower over there anytime I wanted. Well I joked back with him that I didn’t want to because he didn’t have conditioner…well two days later he shows me all this stuff he bought, and the last thing he pulls out of the bag he goes “oh and this” and It was a bottle of conditioner. Awww! How cute! Cheezy grin!

Wow today is the 4th of November. I can't believe how much has changed in the last year. And how fast the last year has gone. I remember last Thanksgiving I spent part of it over at Teresa & Bruce’s. Caralynne said, “Oh, Damn it!” at the table and everyone was like “???” she is only three right now. So she was two years old at the time. She has gotten so big and is still so small. The other part of Thanksgiving I spent over at Mike’s house, but not this year. Wow, how can three years end in the blink of an eye? Just an instant and it was all over. I wonder now if it was meant to end that way? His family was always so nice to me. I wonder If this year at Thanksgiving they will miss me. I will miss them. I don’t plan on doing anything with my family this year for Thanksgiving. It’s not even my family anymore. I already know what it would be like if I went over there.

Scenario 1, With Dad’s family for Thanksgiving: Go over to dads sometime around noon. Supposed to meet April’s (step-mom’s) Family around one or two. Sit around the house and wait for and hour and a half before family at his house is even remotely looking like they are ready. They look like they are ready. Oh, nope I was wrong. Briana still has to brush her hair…(don’t get me wrong I love them all) so it’s 2:00pm now. Everyone is ready and has their shoes on and ready to go. So I head out to my car to follow them over there. I am sitting in the car waiting; it’s 2:10 now. Finally their car starts up and everyone is sitting in the van. They are ready! Oh wait no. Forgot the camera in the house. Okay it’s 2:15pm now. They found the camera and are backing out. We drive over to wherever we are going. We walk in. Dad is pissy because I didn’t ride with them. Caralynne is cranky because she didn’t get her nap today. Briana and April are fighting over something stupid like she is wearing the wrong shoes because she didn’t have enough time to find the other ones and April made her rush out of the house so she couldn’t grab them. Well we walk in the house and find out that everyone else got there at 1:30 and we are 45minutes late. WELCOME TO MY FAMILY! Lani knows what I am talking about.

Scenario 2, With Mom’s family for Thanksgiving: So we are supposed to be there at 4:00pm. It’s 4:00pm now and mom is finally ready. Richard has been ready and there is just the three of us. I can’t drive behind them if they are going out to Chandler, that’s just too far, but it might be worth it to be able to leave early (not like I have anywhere else to go) We are having thanksgiving with Richard’s (my step-dad’s) Family. And we are already late. Mom is always late, and lately she’s been a real bitch too. SO she is probably already nagging at either Richard, or me, Or Hey! Maybe even both of us! So today is already a bad day. We are late (embarrassing enough.) and she is bitching. So we get there sit on the couch for an hour and a half eat watch the football game (highlight of my day so far) sit on the couch some more. My annoying step cousin bothers me about what happened to my ankle. SO I tell him for the fourth time, Surgery. Then my stepbrother starts in on how he has all this cool shit going on. His girlfriend is the only one close to my age that isn’t totally retarded. I can have a decent conversation with her for a few minutes. I look at my phone it’s 7:30pm now…when can we go home? I wish some one would call me so I would have a reason to leave! Finally I get up and tell everyone “good bye, and how fun today was, thank you for having me. Yeah hugs for everyone have a safe drive home. Okay yeah mom I’ll call you later. No mom I don’t know what I am doing. All right mom! Bye!” Ugghhh, now she’s pissed me off with twenty questions, I am an Adult now and she treats me like a child! I hate it. I wish I had lots of money to move far away from her and still pay for my Jeep. WELCOME TO MY OTHER FAMILY! Once again Lani understands. Don’t you Lani. :)

PS: Lani is not included in either of the scenarios for 2 reasons:
One: She lives in Tucson.
And Two: She smart enough to stay there for Thanksgiving (she knows how our family is)

Well the last few days my entries have been pretty short. But at least I am trying to get them on here, right? I got back from Tucson today around 2:30 that's after taking Stina home. I would have been home by 2:00 which is freakin awesome time. We left around 12:40 that's what my clock said when we got on the freeway. Hella Cool, huh?! (wotw) anyways I am getting ready to take Crystal to visit Stephen. I dunno how long it is since she's seen him. I really don't want him to see me. The last time I saw him he was drunk and kept saying how much he loved me...For those of you who don't know him he is one of my ex-boyfriends, we went out for a year and a half. That’s a freakin long time.

Hmmm, what else is going on in my life? Let’s see. I met a guy. His name is Casey and he's freakin awesome. I really like him. And I think he likes me. But he doesn't know what he wants... don't really know any guys that do. So I guess it's good that I am going to Colorado, then we'll have time apart because I think I like him too much for what he wants. But then again I dunno what he wants. He acts like he likes me a lot. Ugghhhhh! I don't freakin know!

Yesterday was so awesome! I got to see Crystal and christina for the first time in like a year. WooHoo! We are in Tucson right now, adn we are gonna go out so I can't write a lot now. Maybe later. Even though I didn't write anything yesterday. Well I will right later, okay. OH, and I did end up getting to go out on Halloween. Okay, bye.

Yeah ! so My life is completely LAME! I am at home on Halloween! May I mention that I am at home ALONE! No firends over what so ever. Just my parents, and since I've been here not even one trick-or-treater! I have the most boring life imagineable! I can't even afford gas to just drive around because Even though I work four days a week from 8am to 5pm my last paycheck was for $88! How pathetic is that! Anyways I'm gonna TRY to find something to do! Some one please rescue me...

So I don't get to go to Hazy Dayz tonight, I'm totally bummed. The first time in a month that I haven't made it. Well I was busy yesterday, but I can't believe I missed a post (and now I can't even type good). So yesterady was work it was okay, today was pretty good. it went fast. :) that is the best! when something so long goes so fast. I wish I could go to Hazy Dayz tonight. It's 6:38 if I hauled ass I would be there by nine. But then the drive home in the morning! UGHHHH! I can't handle that drive alone, I was falling asleep last time I tried it. It's just too hard if I have to work.

Today is The 30th, In two days I get to see one of my best friends. Yay! I can't wait. It's gonna be great ( wotw #1) we are gonna have so much fun, I haven't seen Crystal in over a year. Same for Christina (who is going wiht me to get Crystal from the airport) man the three of us were close, come on! we were @5.7.9@ ~if you don't know the story call me and I'll tell you~I can't wait to see them again. It's been so long. I'm going to feel like I'm in High School again. Well I am gonna go see what my neighbor is up to. I wish I was in Tucson.
:( Sorry I couldn't make it Lani...I really wanted to. Well Friday is gonna be hella cool (wotw #2) no Work, I'm gonna see Lani and Crystal and Stina!!!

Tomorrow is Halloween, I am still trying to figure out how exactly I want my costume to look. I have a big part of it...But I don't know what else I can do. I'm tired, maybe I'll just take a nap instead of visiting my neighbor...Choices...Why is everything choices? A

Ugghhh! Monday! hahaha It was (and still is) acti\ually a good day. I am at work right now. Such a slacker aren't I? Well I only have 10 minutes left, and I didn't wanna miss a post today so I figutred I would take care of it right now. I can't wait til Friday! Crystal comes in at 10:00 pm! Yay! A whole weekend (and much more) with my Best Friend! This week is going to go so slow becasueI jsut want friday to come! AHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so EXCITED! okay I'm gonna go now... Only 5 minutes left! WooHooo! I can't believe how fast today went. I love you Lani, Hopefully see you on Wednesday. :)

Well, I am back from Tucson now, the drive home was actually pretty interesting. I met a guy named Robert. I was doing the "drive by & check out car next to me for hot guys" thing and I drove past his car. He's pretty cute. When I past him he came back up next to me to look again, then he held up his phone like he wanted my phone number. Funny enough, I had a sharpie Marker and Paper in my seat next to me. So I wrote it down and held it up when I past them again. Hahaha! doesn't that crack you up? Well About 30 miles later I am getting off on the exit for the Northbound I-17 and he passes me again, and his mom holds up a paper that said "stop at next exit" hehehe. right on. WellI talked to him for about 5 or 10 min at the Gas station. He is on vacation and he has an awesome accent. He's from Chezch...(shit, I can't spell it) anyways his family is on vacation to California for a week and he said he will call me on the way back. How cool is that! Well I have to work tomorrow. So I need to get to bed, somewhat, on time. Night. :)

I don't have much to write today. It's Sunday, and I am still in Tucson. I leave today though. I have to work on Monday. I wish I could come back Wednesday for Hazy Dayz. I went last night and got a cup of chai. They have freakin' awesome chia there. Wanna know a really good combination... Chai and Peanut Butter M&M's I'm gonna go now.

I'll write later...hopefully.

***I feel like playing the guitar right now...If only I knew how to play...Note to self: go home & tune guitar...try to play a few chords.

So, life is good and my hands are COLD! I can barely type. I went to the drive-in tonight with Lani, Chad and his puppy, Sky. We watched "Signs" and "Sweet Home Alabama" both pretty good movies.

I talked to Katie tonight, she had her first code tonight at the station. Motorcycle Vs. Wall. I can't imagine seeing that. I just haven't been there yet, I know it sounds bad but, I'll have my chance one day.

And here is another weird thing, I wanna see Casey. I hope he wants to see me too, but I won't know until next time I talk to him probably won't be 'til Monday or later. Hopefully Monday.

I thought I had this 'thing' for this guy Ryan. I still kinda do, but it seems to me that he doesn't have a 'thing' for me anymore. I guess that is what I get for liking a guy that lives in Tucson when I live in Phoenix. So I'll just drop it. Anyways it's a long story. Kinda, not really. I just don't wanna write it down. What can I say it's 2 o'clock AM, and I'm lazy.

Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored. . . . . . .
Can you tell that I am bored? And guess what else... I am hungry. What can I get for $4.00 that is filling? I am in Tucson so I dunno what is cheap and filling around here. I am going to sit here and think about where I can get some good food.

Hmmmm... Today would have been my 3 year anniversary with my ex, it's kind of weird. It's weird that I don't have a problem with not being with him. I mean I would think that today would be the hardest day, and that I would miss him most today. But it's not. Today is actually good, and I didn't even realize what day it was until I was on the phone with Crystal and she said the date. It's okay though. Today is a good day, and I have my Jeep back (he's my baby - 'Shadowfax'). Bye.

Right now I feel like being a bitch. My sister pissed me off because she gave me an attitude about the fucking bed. I was just telling her why I didn't wanna sleep on it. I feel like going home now. I don't wanna be here (in Tucson) anymore. I don't have friends here. Well I have a few but they don't wanna hang out with me ***to busy, I can understand that though***. So I didn't do shit tonight. Nothing that I wanted to do atleast. I mean I wanted to do it, but I didn't choose it. Like I went to see a German film tonight and I went to Epic tonight. I had fun doing both and I wanted to do both, but I am tired of driving I just wanna sit down with some friends and watch a fucking movie at home. It doesn't even have to be my home...anyone's would do. Fuck it. I don't even wanna write anymore, I just wanna go to sleep. I'm tired of dealing with people and attitudes. I'm tired of going out of my way for people and not even getting a proper thank you. I just wanna sleep. I better not wake up in a Bitchy mood. I hate being like this. Fuck! It pisses me off. I am going to bed.

I'm beginning to think that I am never going to meet a guy that actually wants me, just to know me. It seems like the more time I spend with people the less willing to spend time with me they become. Maybe it's all in my head. Why should things regress? I don't understand. You meet a person...spend time with them, supposed to want to spend more time with them if you like them. Maybe I'm just not a likeable person. I thought I was very likeable. I have a great sense of humor, I'm told that I am cute (I have no idea if it's true or not - mostly not ***probably*** I just don't get hit on enough to be cute), and I get along with people very well, I just have a good personality. I know what it is! I JUST DON'T UDERSTAND GUYS!!!! and I probably never will.
Hmmmm...I'll just keep trying. (even though ***according to other people*** I shouldn't have to.)

GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why are guy's so fucking retarded??? Nah...they aren't retarded, they are just weird. I wish I could understand them. Why do they have to be so complicated? I mean they think chicks are complicated...but really, it's them! I guess it's different from their point of view. They think we are complicated we think they are complicated. But on our side of the story we can understand each other and on their side they can understand each other. But we can't understand them and they can't understand us. Is that confusing or what? I don't really even have a reason for calling guys "fucking retarded", I just felt like it.

I wanted to write something, but now that I am on the computer thinking about it I can’t think of anything to write.

I was really tired yesterday. I love my life though, I really do. And I love my sister, Lani, I am so happy that she is doing good. I went with her to an appointment today, and sitting there I realized that she is different than she used to be. I know things are hard for her. Life in general is...Hard. But she is doing good, and she is happy. That is all that matters. I love my sister and I love seeing her happy. It’s a good feeling. I remember when days weren’t so good, but now you learn to cope with changes and even if the way “things re-arrange” isn’t what you want now, maybe...just maybe it will be what you want later.

On a lighter note. I love Hazy Dayz. I didn’t sit “bitch” on the little couch last night so I couldn’t stare at the picture I always stare at. So it was different for me. Different can be good though. ***I just looked at the TWIX wrapper and it says “may contain peanuts” hahaha. I should give it to Chris. JK*** We carved pumpkins last night after the poetry reading. We were out on the patio sitting on the couch and bench thing. My pumpkins’ (Well, he’s not just my pumpkin...Ryan helped me carve him, so it’s his too :-p) name is “Billy Bob” I fucked his teeth up, so that is how he got his name.

I got ice cream with Ryan after Hazy Dayz and Pumpkin carving. We decide that since everyone was going to ditch us, ice cream sounded good. I have never seen anyone eat a whole thing of Ben & Jerry’s in one sitting. I can’t even eat ½ ! Anyways I’ll write later...Maybe.

Lesson of the day: Learn from the past, it will help the future.”

Ahhhhhahahahah!!!!!!!!!!
I am so Bad. not really but I am at work and I was checking my e-mail. That's why I said I was bad. So today is gonna rock...later! Right now it sucks, My ex has been pissing me off, someone is spreading a nasty rumor about me. And I wanna know who it is. He (my ex) was asking why I was so pissed off and I said " We'll wouldn't you be?" and know what he says... "Not if I truly did it." what a Bitch! Anyways I told him to leave me alone.
Work is pretty good though. It actually goes pretty fast, I work 8 to 5 and I am already at 12:30 wow! I haven't even taken my lunch break yet. That's when it goes really fast, after lunch. Because it's only gonna be like 3 more hours to work after lunch. Then Tucson here I come! Yeah!
I am so Excited. I get to go to Tucson today. and I get to go To HAZY DAYZ tonight! WooHoo! I'm gonna move to Tucson just for Hazy Dayz. JK. But I do like it a lot. Well I am gonna try to get back to work (thinking about Tucson got me so Excited, I might not be able to concentrate now.)

Lesson of the Day: "Don't always believe what you hear"

Dude! I haven't been writing as much as I want to... :( Like every other day I get a chance to get on-line. Not much has been going on though. I am going to Tucson tomorrow! Yeah! I don't have much time to write right now. so I am gonna go, I might have to go to my doctors tomorrow, my leg has been spazing and my foot is cold, I checked my Capillary refill (if you don't know what that means give me a call & I'll explain) and it was a lot slower than it should be.
Well I gotta go to my dad's right now to get my stuff I'm gonna sleep at my mom's tonight. bye!

Lesson of the day: "Prepare for the worst and if the outcome is good then know you were atleast prepared."

Once again I have a total lack of sleep. I went to the movies last night and saw Red Dragon with Casey. Let me say that Edward Norton is a great actor, and he took a lot of beatings in that movie. It was definetly a good movie and had some creepy parts, but it could have had a little it more of the scary stuff. Right now I'm at my mom's house we are having Steak and Trout for dinner. Yummy! and I am so exausted I think I need a small nap.

uggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so tired right now. I was helping out with the Interviews for 10 hours. It was great though.
I don't feel like writing much so this won't be too long.
Plans changed last night and we didn't go to Fear Farm (it was cheap though, only $5/person) We ended up goingto Applebee's instead. It was Sophie, Katie, Alex, Casey his friend Amy (I've never met Casey or Amy), and me. So, that was pretty cool we went and played pool for a little while afterwards. I wouldn't have minded staying at The Break for a little longer though.
Well the night is still young! Who knows, maybe I'll get something to do. (trying to be optimistic :-} )

It's 7:20 pm. I am geting ready to go to Fear Farm (that phrase makes me wanna laugh like Dr. Evil) with Katie (my Idol) hahaha.

If anyone special is reading this: good! you should be reading it! because if you are special to me I better be special to you.

I am totally bummed at the thought of missing Hazy Dayz next Wednesday. I am 1/2 tempted to move to tucson just for that. :) Well, I am gonna come up Thursday night. Family weekend starts the 25th so I talked my mom into buying my greyhound ticket up for Thursday night, since I don't work on Fridays. ~Yeah! I get to see Lani (and hopefully other people too) for a whole Weekend.~

Okay I gotta go run errands before Katie gets here. I got 1/2 an hour! Bye...

So I was trying to find this picture to show Leo & Ryan...And I found it. Well I dunno who is gonna see it but I'll post the link anyways. It's my favorite. :) Okay well Last night really sucked. I'll explain later. REGRET...


Crystal got her tounge peirced last night! HAhahaha! I can't wait to see her. :)

Okay I am pissed. I had a whole thing written about how awesome last night was. And I accidentally deleted it. Stupid Stupid Dumb Dumb! Oh and catch my other act of stupidity...No phone number! Doh! I am a freakin retard.
Well I had been saying how it is awesome it feels when a guy puts you before himself.
I was saying how last night I felt so good to be asked what I want. And when I ask the same question back, to hear the reply "I've got what I want." and when I asked "Oh? And what is that?" to hear the reply "This Moment. With you." I am just happy right now.
You know who you are...Thankyou. :)
Anyways the sun was starting to set on my way home from work today. It was so beautiful. Everyone thinks clouds are so gloomy, but they aren't, not always. It was like they were everwhere around the sun but not touching it. It was so cool. I love clouds, I wish it would rain. And I wanna go camping so freakin' bad. But Katie says we are supposed to go in Nov. Some time. Fuck Yeah (wotw)!

Lesson of the day: Life is full surprises. :)

Fuck Yeah! (wotw) Crystal is getting her tounge pierced right now! (I am such a bad influence...but hey, if it get's her to stop smoking)

P.S. I have a busy weekend (kindof - ha! not really.) so If I don't write you guys can e-mail me (jur311@hotmail.com) or call me (602.373.7024) <- Yeah, Do that! (you can never get enough calls)
Friday: I'll write I don't work on Friday's...Evening- Fear Farm?
Saturday: Morning- Work with Glendale for thier Interview process...Evening- ?
Sunday: Church. Then I dunno.
(now that I look it doesn't seem like that much. hmmm. I'm just tired. Long night last night. :) )

Yay! (Is that even how you are supposed to spell that word? Yay!I know yeah is yeah...but yeay or yey or yay! I think Yay!)
Finally! Okay. All right so I'll admit it. I was wrong. my sister brought to my attention that not all of her friends are hot. (True) and not all of them have "crushes" on her. (also true) so there I am done. I was wrong and I admit it. The difference between guys and girls...we can admit being wrong without killing our pride.
So Tucson was a blast, and so was Hazy Dayz. I actually had talked to one of Lani's friends, at Hazy Dayz, about fire fighting. He was really cool about it, he said he had taken some classes at GCC when he was younger. First off the guy is cool because he took Fire fighter Classes. Second he's cool because he's kinda cute. I dunno what my type is, I guess it really depends on the guy. Well we talked for a while at Hazy Dayz, then he had to go. So I talk to my sister when I get back to the couch, and I'm like "Dude! Your friend is cute." I think he is my age. 19, I'm pretty sure that is how old he said he was.
So I am on-line today, and my little sis gets on. She says "guess who I saw today." Who? "Ryan, remember the guy from Hazy Dayz?" Oh yeah, I remember, the cute one! What did he say? "Well I told him 'my sister thinks you're cute. And he said 'Well she's pretty cute too." SWEET! "Yeah well He said that next time he goes to Phoenix I have to give him your number."
You guys don't know what this means! Besides the fact that I am wrong about having guys think I'm pretty, since the surgery. It means that a guy actually thought I was pretty. Now any guy reading this is like "whatever" but sometimes a guys opinion does matter. It just makes us Girls feel good. I like it when anyone tells me I look good. Even if I think I look good, I like to have people tell it to me.

Lesson of the day: You aren't always right, and when you are wrong it's okay to admit it.

So life is good. I didn't get time to write yesterday really. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday to get my stitches out. The scar is going to be a lot longer than I thought. I thought maybe 2 inches. But it looks a lot more like 3.5. Well I got a new cast on, Purple. My dad said purple would look good on me because it looks good on him. So I followed his advice. Purple it is. The other colors didn't look that good anyway. I got a good look at my leg when they took the cast off. It's so skinny now (but hey! It's didn't stink) and hairy. I was joking about how I should have brought a razor with me so I could shave in between casts.

After my Doctor's appointment I had a meeting for Glendale Fire Department. I am a cadet with them so we have meetings every so often. Well I thought it was a meeting turned out to be a class. It's cool though. I love getting to meet up with them anyway. Katie, Sophie, and I went to Pullano's after the class. Dan and Flick didn't wanna come. It's all good, it was kinda fun having "girls night out" pizza and wings (and Zucchini of course). Katie you are my Idol!

I'll write more later.

Quote of the day: “Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.” -author unknown


Lesson of the day: Friends are there for you when you least expect them.

(dpotw) "He could have pulled out."

***Well, thank you Crystal for finally getting on-line. Yeah, I know it only took you like 3 minutes, and that was 5 hours ago. I'm over it. :)***

Anyway, I remembered something else. How parents traumatize their kids. Every one says it. Parents traumatize thier kids." who believes it? Parents obviously don't think they have done it, because that would mean they have turned into thier parents. Shit, I know it'll happen if I have Kids. I know there is gonna be something that they will remember forever and be totally traumatized by it. And when they tell it to me I'm gonna be like "You know what I knew it was gonna happen, I just didn't know when or how." I don't think most parents even realize they things that they do.

Even as old as I am something's will stick with me forever. (story time)

Well I got in from Tucson last night around 6:20. My step dad came and got me from the Greyhound station. Life is good, right. So we head home to meet mom, and from there we are going to Aloha Kitchen. Car ride is good. So we get to where we are going to eat. Yummy! (Here's where things take a turn) So I order and head to the bathroom. When I get out, my step dad is pissy. So I find out why (hey I'm a nice person. What can I say?) So for the rest of the time my step dad is there he is Pissy 'cuz mom is being bitchy (by the way- he's pissy 'cuz she told him what he wanted…understandable) So mom is being mean now. After she makes him mad enough he goes out side and sits in the car. she's like "I hope we still have a ride home now." And I tell her "He's mad at you mom, not me.Are you on your peiod or something because you are being a real bitch." So now she's pissy at me because he isn’t mad at me he's mad at her, and I told it to her straight up (do people even use that term anymore? Straight up…) So anyway, (I'll skip to the Traumatic part) After she's been pissy with me for a while she kinda chuckles. So naturally I ask "what?" (Ha!) And she says "I remember this letter you wrote to your sister when you were little saying that she was going to ruin you chances of becoming a model. When really it's you that ruined your chances of becoming a model." how is that? " You like candy bars too much" Well mom, I haven't had a candy bar in a long time (thinking: Bitch F&^% You!) and she says "Well it's because you like to eat." So then I just stopped eating my food (thinking: F&^% You! How dare you say that! I am not fat and Just Because You want to be an F&^%ing Bitch Tonight, don't even take it out on me. Just because you went and lost weight and went from being a heifer to almost what you want to weigh! YOU Know What F&^% YOU! I am not You I am satisfied with wearing a size 11-12 I am 5 feet and 10 inches Tall I am NOT your Short Midget ASS! BITCH!) So I don't say any thing because I know if I open my mouth words aren't gonna be good. Meanwhile, My step dad had come back inside picked up his food and Moved away from our table. After that whole "letter" conversation was over and had been over for a few minutes. he has finished his food and gone back out to the car. Then mom says "I'm glad he left, I was about to flip him off and say 'F&^% You!" Then she asks me "Have you ever been mad enough to say that to someone?" and I reply "Have I ever said it to you?" she says "Well no." And I reply "Then No. I haven't been mad enough to say it to Them."

Lesson of the day: “For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.” (author unknown)

Well it's 6:02pm, and I am waiting for crystal to get on line. What's up with that dude! First you message me (and wake me up from my nap!) saying you are getting on line...Then I get up. Turn the computer on, and Then I get on-line so I can chat w/ you, and you still aren't on. WTF! Hey since I am talking to you (Crystal) Remind me to e-mail you when you read this, I will try to remember on my own. But you know me. Actually (speaking of remembering things) I did remeber something....A story. And it goes something like this...

Carded For Cake
October 7th 2002, Lani and I were at Trader Joe's looking for some kind of salad dressing that Lani wanted (which we never found) and we passed by one of the "vendors" He was giving out samples of some kind of cake (which was way to thick for me anyways)so we walk by and we're like "hey free samples. Can we have some?"....(here's where it get's good...)
Vendor dude: "are you 16?"
Us: "oh, we have to be 16?"
Vendor Dude: "Well if you aren't 16 then your parents need to be with you."
Us: "oh! hahaha. You think we aren't over 16?"
Vendor Dude: "If you aren't at least 16 your parents ned to be with you just in case you have an allergic reaction."
Us: "Hahahah! "
Lani: "Dude this is my second year at teh UofA. Here look I'll show you some ID."
Me: "I'm her OLDER sister!"
Us: "hahaha."
Vendor Dude: "No, no, it's okay you don't have to show me you ID. *chuckles to self* here you go, have some cake."

Well I started today off kinda of late (but not as late as when I was in Tucson) I woke up around 11:40am, I was kinda dissapointed that I didn't get up early enough to have my mom take me to my dad's so that I could go to church with them. Well I've been working on how to change the color of my links & how to add links since I woke up. Not much of a day, but I am going back to my dad's in a few minutes, so this will be short. ***Dangit Stephen! you better hurry up with those CD's (JK...no I'm not, yes I am. okay, No & yes.) Whoa!*** Okay, I am gonna stop writing now, you can obviously tell I have nothing to write about...But Crystal if you read this call me! NOW!!! teeheeehahahahaha.

okay okay! I know it's late and I really need to stop going to bed so late (early, whatever), but I found something utterly hillarious. So please if you visit my site at least check this one out...trust me you WILL be surprised. it's not what it seems. Hahahaha. http://www.oralse.cx/

It was so weird, like out of a movie. I was at the bus station totally upset because I didn't get to say goodbye to my baby sis before I left. :(.'.'.'. So we boarded and I'm sitting there getting depressed because I don't know when I'll see her again. So I called my friend Crystal because she always cheers my up, and I haven't even been on with her for 15 sec. (literally when I hung up it was a 14 sec call) and I'm telling her I'm bummed and why. Then I hear "Jonya?" And I look up and my sister is standing there on my bus. I cried and gave her a hug. And just like that she was gone again and I was sitting in my seat crying. I questioned whether it really happened or not. My bus pulled away a minute later. And she was sitting on the corner. She stood up and started waving and I just put my hand on the window and cried. I love my little sis. I cried for like 10 min. afterwards. The people on the bus must have though I was retarded. That is where the movie part ended. Because if it were a movie I would have made the bus driver stop the bus and ran off and stayed forever. But we all know gimpy people on crutches can't run. Good night Lani, I love you.

P.S. I met a guy from South Africa on the bus. he was visiting friends at the university. I call him "The Guy" or "The Guy from South Africa" because I didn't get his name. I wrote about him in a letter to Crystal. I was "people watching" he was the most interesting. He was writing to, I wonder if he wrote about me wondering if I was writing about him. I should have asked. hahaha! He wrote all the way from Tucson to Phoenix as did I. He offered to help me take my bags off the bus. Thank you "The Guy".

P.S.S. Hey 7! your letter is four pages long, but I wrote it on a bus so it's bumpy at parts, I'll mail it Monday. :)

Lesson of the day: One moment can make or break your day.

It's 3:33 pm. And my bus back to Phoenix leaves at 4:25, I still have to buy my ticket. So I need to be there at 4:00. And my sister isn't home. I have no Idea how to get there. Okay I have one Idea! Cabbies. Lani is friends with cabbies. so I called one up. Cool I have a ride. I fixed one problem. Now the Second. No way to say goodbye to my little sis. :( I'm sad, oh but I hear voices. Is someone here? Nope, voices for someone else. Okay well I am off to Phoenix again. Sad to leave too. But I have to go back. I wish I haad some time to clean up here before I left, she would have liked that. Well I am going now, I hope the ride back isn't too long. I have a book. "Return of the King" third in the series of Lord of the Rings. Good Bye Jess, Good bye Tucson, and most of all Good bye Lani I love you forever. Sorry I couldn't say good bye.

I'm so tired. It's only mid-night on a Friday (none-the-less). And guess what I am going to do. That's right I am going to sleep. I don't understand what is so wrong with me that I have nothing to do on a Friday night. I ...personally....think it's the crutches, why would any guy hit on a chick with crutches? The method behind the madness...I haven't been hit on since I had the surgery. But then again, I didn't get hit on before the surgery (except by drunk guys...or the kinda guys that don't call ***some know that story, no names mentioned. I promise. hahaha***) But that could be because I was only single for about 20days before the surgery. The possibility of having something to do tonight could have been better, but the way I see it (through my eyes...hahah) All of my sisters cute friends have a crush on her. But here is the good thing. Since I am the only one home (out of 3) with nothing to do. And we have a "Sleeping Schedual" (you may ask later) I get to HOG the bed until someone else (of the 3) gets home and wants to sleep on the bed (there is a perfectly good "Black Squishy Thing" on the floor). So I guess this can be a good deal for me. Off I am to bed, before someone gets home and ruins my plan.

From a crossroads for settlers, American Indians, and French traders to a railroad hub, Chicago has served as a nexus in connecting east and west. Almost destroyed in the great fire of 1871, it survived to become a culturally diverse city with friendly residents.
What US city are you? Take the quiz by Girlwithagun.

So I did this quiz. Chicago. Weird. but since the city was almost destroyed in a fire. And I am going to be a Firefighter, I might as well put it on.

Yeay! I had so much fun tonight.I brushed four horses at the sanctuary. Captain, Snow, Sugar, and Copper. Copper is beautiful and he would be my favorite if he didn't nip my leg while I was brushing him. Nah, Sugar is my favorite. I knew that before I even got nipped by Copper. Sugar kept putting her head on my shoulder while I was brushing her. Then she tried to follow me out of her pen. :) I love horses. And I found the dog I want, His name is Timber (Goliath has an owner...:( ) He's got a bit of huskie in him, but he looks like a wolf, and he's huge. I like big dogs. He is so loving too. I have such a soft sopt for animals. Can't you tell?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

hmmmm, I'm so tired right now. For the second time this week I didn't go to bed until almost 5:00am... Wow! Isn't that late (or is it early?). Today I am going back to the Dog and Horse sanctuary to pet animals. When I can walk them I will go back again. But since I am "Gimpy" on crutches, I cannot walk them. But I love animals. There is a dog there I would want. He's beautiful. His name is Goliath. You don't walk him, he walks you. He's a Pit Bull, but white and light brown. I guess it's a good thing to be still living at home. It curbs my desire to bring home animals all the time. Well, I will write later when we come back. Right now I'm so freakin' (wotw) hungry! I think I am going to go rummage through my sisters cabinets looking for food. YUMMY!

So anyways, I finally got the whole comment thing working. I am so extatic, you guys don't understand how computer illiterate I am. (Not really too bad I guess since I can explain things to other people) I just feel that way sometimes, because the Template page is so CONFUSING! But I got it working just the way I want it. Aren't you Proud of me. I wanted to Jump up and down when I finally got it working.
***but of course I can't jump up and down (stupid surgery)***

So that whole paper clip thing! great...:) I went and bought a new tounge ring tonight. Only a 14 gage. I used to have a 10 gage. But this one went in so easy. Just slid right in! I love it! I missed it so much. My mom really is gonna hate me. But Hey! I didn't go and get it re-pierced...it was still the same hole from 3 years ago when I went to Australia. Hmmmm, I loved it there. I seriously think I could have lived there. It was beautiful. I hate Arizona anyways. I'm gonna leave one day. It's just a matter of when. Sorry to disappoint you guys that want me to stay in Phoenix for the rest of my life. Maybe I won't leave AZ, just the valley. I hate it here.

(dpotw) "It just slid right in!"

If it is a 50 mph per hour wind and you drive your car at 50mph downwind, if you stick your head outside would you feel the wind?

Hmmm, that's a good question. I think you'll still feel wind, just not on your face. (Then again I never was good at the "if you drop a pencil from a height in a moving bus what would happen" question in my physics class. What is the answer to that one?

discover what candy you are @ stvlive.com
I don't even like candy necklaces.

BLUE You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive. Find out your color at Stvlive.com!

BLUE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!! My Favorite color is GREEN not Blue! Freakin (wotw) A**!!!

So I tried it. I didn't think it was going to work. But anyways I got a paper clip. Soaked it in rubbing alcohol (gotta be very clean with your mouth, you know). Then I tried to put it though where my hole used to be. And guess what! It worked! HAHAHAHHA! My mom is going to Hate me. But I really missed it. Oh I 'm so Happy right now. I think I'll go find somewhere that sells tounge rings. I don't have to pay $50. to have it re-done again. How cool is that.

I had a dream about going and getting my tounge peirced again. Well right before I did in my dream I checked and my hole was still there. so I ended up not doing it in my dream. Then I saw a guy from high school and my friends brother in the dream. It was really weird. I woke up and moved my tounge around in my mouth thinking I would feel the metal again. I really miss mine. Anyways, it made me wanna check to see if my hole is still there. I think I'm gonna go check right now. hmmm I doubt it, but wouldn't that be cool?

hmmm, "Back to the Future II" good movie. hahaha, that's what we watched last night. Anyways, this is the earliest I've been up in a long time..."Back in the bar, Getting cynically stoned. Your friends are drinking alone. But it's funny, they don't even cross your mind When she asks you into her home." Another good song. I love music, I love to sing! I am so tired right now only like 2.5hrs of sleep. So I am definitely going back to bed! It's 7:45! way to early for me to be up... ****sweet dreams? here I come****

AAAAAAAaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! ****Thinks to self "I scream too much"**** Joanna's friends just came over and it was so weird. The first one his name was Michael, adn he introduces his friend who turns out to be Stephen! How weird is that. The only two guys in my life I've ever had a serious relationship with. Michael & Stephen! Way to weird for me. Anyways they invited me to go hang out with them and watch movies ( Yeay! something to go out and interact with people and just hang out to make New FRIENDS!)

"It's always times like these when I think of you and I wonder if you ever think of me.'Cuz everything's so wrong, and I don't belong living in your precious memory. 'Cuz I'll need you, and I'll miss you. Now I wonder...If I could fall into the sky do you think time would pass me by..." just a song that was in my head... I though I'd get it in yours too. :) Life's like this!

Well tonight was my first night in a Hooka Bar. A Hooka Bar...sounds funny huh? I listed to people read poetry all night. And it was fun. In a few ways quite intriguing (is that even spelled right?) I mean, I've never thought about how guys feel. They fall in love also. But I've been hurt by so many of them that I never thought it remotely possible for them to feel pain in the same way I have. Guys are funny though. One of the readers made me want to laugh so hard, he was making everyone laugh with his "Epic Poem" about war which turned into two men fighting in loin cloths instead of many people fighting (to save the lives of innocent children) and all of a sudden the two men were naked and "boning" each other in the Ass. It was hillarious. And it was nice to just sit back and watch people interact. And not so surpisingly I did not get hit on once. As far as I know not even a glance. In fact it's been quite a long time since I've been hit on by a decent man that want's just a little more than sex...I just want more friends, but I'm the shy one.

I'm looking out my sisters door right now, and the sun is setting, shining down on my hands as I type this. It's casting shadows on the wall. I look out the door, and I catch a glimpse of the setting sun. It's beautiful. It's pulling at me, wanting me to follow it on a trip around the world for one day, to see the beauty of life and nature... I wanna go camping.



Your magical style is Psychic.

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I love my life and everything in it. I haven't done anything but smile today. :) life is great. My shrink (when I was going like 1.5 years ago.) said that "with out the Valleys there wouldn't be mountains. It's the same way with High's and Low's in Life." I'm on the mountain right now.

yeah! I love this thing. I'm having Tons of Fun with it. okay, I'll calm down now...I suppose. Today is just a great day, what can I say. I'm learning new things and life is good.

You are an angel.

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I just woke up! it's like past 1:00pm! hmmm, but it felt so good. :) I feel really good today. I got this song off the internenet. I absolutely love it. Great Big Sea "Sea of No Cares". I dunno, the song is just great. "When you're in love, theres no time and no space. There's a permanent smile on your face. Your friends all complain that you're going insane. But the truth is they're just afraid." Hey you know what, it's true. 3 years is a long time, but it went by so fast. It's been over a month now. But I remember it like it was yesterday. That's when it hurts. I know I'll fall in love again. So today I feel like I'm on top of the world. I am so happy to be visiting Tucson. I love my little sister(s). My Lani, You make me so Proud. I'll love you forever, and I'll always be here for you.