~Michael~ I wonder if you ever felt the pain that I felt. I can't believe how long it's been that you haven't been around. Today is 238...Two hundred and thirty eight days since you have been "mine". Almost a year. Sometimes I look back and think "he's not the Michael I knew...what happened there? Was I just blind?" I gave you my all...and you took it, without so much as a "Thank You". I used to be so much stronger, and you ruined that for me, because now I am afraid. Truly afraid. Not really of guys, just of love...for anyone. I'm afraid of losing love again. And I'm there now: Like there is this doorway I'm standing at...you know the feeling when you are inside on a bright sunny, breezy and perfectly warm day...just standing right inside the door looking out thinking "I should really go outside today, it's beautiful" but for some reason you just stand there looking...yearning…but just standing.

I’m standing inside of that door right now…looking out at the bright beautiful day that represents love in my mind. And although I can see how beautiful it is and how great it feels out there, I just stand and watch.

Do you see what you’ve done to me? For the last few weeks I’ve been getting closer and closer to that door, and I’m so close to stepping out…just standing in the doorway. The man I’ve always dreamed of is here now…I’ve been waiting for a day this beautiful for a long time. and I’m holding back from him…putting up walls…I just can’t bring my self to go out side. but you know what, I can feel it in my heart how much I care for him…I’m planning on going out there. what holds me back is the fear of rejection…I just want to be sure it’s not going to turn into a storm. But in my heart I’m almost sure he feels the same way…I look out that door and I can’t see a cloud in sight…I just want to be sure...

wow...People are totally getting on my nerves right now. I feel shitty, like I can't control anything in my life. I'm going to find out what is going on, I'm ready for bad news. Don't want bad news but I'm ready for it. I think this is what I'm going to say to him "you know what, I know what I want in my life, and I'm ready for it...I don't know what you want, and I don't feel like you are ready for me. You seem like you have too much to take care of with your own life, too busy with yourself. I need more that you've been giving me. And I can understand that you might have other things to take care of, and I really really really like you, alot..." that's all I have so far. And I have to figure out how to work that into the conversation. I feel like shit right now. ("These Days" by Rascal Flatts just came on...I love this song)

I am 40% Punk Rock

Well, I may know what punk is, but... Okay maybe some people think I am punk, but is that enough? Nope.

Take the Punk Rock Test at fuali.com