~Nothing...and yet Everything~
I can't explain the thoughts that are going through my head. *song of the moment: "Whiskey Lullaby" Brad Paisley & Allison Krauss*
I'm so scared of next month. I'm Afraid of Oliver leaving. And i know how I'll feel if somehting happends to him while he is gone. Combat. I know what possibilities are there, and I think about it so much...
I wish now that I was more ignorant, clueless or even stupid. Because this, what could happen, knowledge is killing me inside.

"years and years, she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath. She finally drank her pain away a little at a time. But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind. Until the night, she put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger. And finally drank away his memory. Life is short, but this time it was bigger than the strength she had to get up off her knees. We found her with her face down in a pillow clinging to his picture for dear life, we laid her next to him beneath the willow while the angels sang a whiskey lullaby..."

I'm so scared.
I think about how things are going to be back home. How things are going to be when I can't hold him while I sleep, kiss him when I wake up, I won't be able to just sit next to him, watch movies with him, BBQ, Halo, naps, phone calls. Just him in letters...thats all I'll get.

God...I must be dreaming. This can't be happening to me. "We found him with his face down in a pillow, with a note that said I'll Love her til I Die..."
No, this can't be my life.

Why?

YAY! he's back. I'm happy, and at the same time I'm shattered. In August he'll be leaving. I love him so much and I won't be able to see him in (at the least 6-7 months) about a year.

People never really understand what it's like being with a military guy until it happends to them.

So, Tomorrow is the day. I'm so happy. I hope I work the front counter again tomorrow because the day goes by so freakin' fast! This morning I had to work at 05:00, and when I was getting there I could see a bunch of Australians getting on a bus, and one walked past me and I go "you guys are leaving?" and he says "yep. We're heading out now." YAY!!!!!!!!!! The sooner they get home the sooner Oliver will be home. Less than 24 hours now. :) Oh Yay! Yay! YAY!!!!
I'm so happy. I wanted to jump up and down after I got off work because it will be one more shift there before I can see him. Oh I miss him so much. And, God, I love him more than anything. I can't wait to be able to hug him, and kiss him and fall asleep next to him... The whole time he's been gone I haven't been sleeping well. You'd think after a month and a half I would "adapt & overcome" but no. The closer it gets to him coming home the harder it is for me to sleep. I havent had a full night sleep in ages. The closest I came was Saturday night when I got really shit-faced and passed out. I was told that someone laid on me and I didn't even flinch. Even then that night I only slept for about 6.5 hours.
I can feel the lack of sleep killing my body. Especially this last few days. I dont think (besides Saturday night) that in the last week I've averaged more than 3.5 hours/night. and now I'm getting sick. It's wreaking havoc on me. :( I'm gonna try to take a nap though. Maybe it'll help.
YAY!!!!!!!! TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ahhhh. It's Sunday, and this is going to be the best week of my life. Oliver comes home Wednesday. I can't wait! and I have Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off! Woohoo! I'm sure he'll sleep or somehting while I work on Thursday. But I get to be with him for like 4 days straight (except for during work Thursday!) Hahaha, I should just call in that day. ;-) or for part of it. Maybe if I tell them soon enough I can get out of part of it or something.
 
Think so?