So, life is good and my hands are COLD! I can barely type. I went to the drive-in tonight with Lani, Chad and his puppy, Sky. We watched "Signs" and "Sweet Home Alabama" both pretty good movies.

I talked to Katie tonight, she had her first code tonight at the station. Motorcycle Vs. Wall. I can't imagine seeing that. I just haven't been there yet, I know it sounds bad but, I'll have my chance one day.

And here is another weird thing, I wanna see Casey. I hope he wants to see me too, but I won't know until next time I talk to him probably won't be 'til Monday or later. Hopefully Monday.

I thought I had this 'thing' for this guy Ryan. I still kinda do, but it seems to me that he doesn't have a 'thing' for me anymore. I guess that is what I get for liking a guy that lives in Tucson when I live in Phoenix. So I'll just drop it. Anyways it's a long story. Kinda, not really. I just don't wanna write it down. What can I say it's 2 o'clock AM, and I'm lazy.

Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored. . . . . . .
Can you tell that I am bored? And guess what else... I am hungry. What can I get for $4.00 that is filling? I am in Tucson so I dunno what is cheap and filling around here. I am going to sit here and think about where I can get some good food.

Hmmmm... Today would have been my 3 year anniversary with my ex, it's kind of weird. It's weird that I don't have a problem with not being with him. I mean I would think that today would be the hardest day, and that I would miss him most today. But it's not. Today is actually good, and I didn't even realize what day it was until I was on the phone with Crystal and she said the date. It's okay though. Today is a good day, and I have my Jeep back (he's my baby - 'Shadowfax'). Bye.

Right now I feel like being a bitch. My sister pissed me off because she gave me an attitude about the fucking bed. I was just telling her why I didn't wanna sleep on it. I feel like going home now. I don't wanna be here (in Tucson) anymore. I don't have friends here. Well I have a few but they don't wanna hang out with me ***to busy, I can understand that though***. So I didn't do shit tonight. Nothing that I wanted to do atleast. I mean I wanted to do it, but I didn't choose it. Like I went to see a German film tonight and I went to Epic tonight. I had fun doing both and I wanted to do both, but I am tired of driving I just wanna sit down with some friends and watch a fucking movie at home. It doesn't even have to be my home...anyone's would do. Fuck it. I don't even wanna write anymore, I just wanna go to sleep. I'm tired of dealing with people and attitudes. I'm tired of going out of my way for people and not even getting a proper thank you. I just wanna sleep. I better not wake up in a Bitchy mood. I hate being like this. Fuck! It pisses me off. I am going to bed.

I'm beginning to think that I am never going to meet a guy that actually wants me, just to know me. It seems like the more time I spend with people the less willing to spend time with me they become. Maybe it's all in my head. Why should things regress? I don't understand. You meet a person...spend time with them, supposed to want to spend more time with them if you like them. Maybe I'm just not a likeable person. I thought I was very likeable. I have a great sense of humor, I'm told that I am cute (I have no idea if it's true or not - mostly not ***probably*** I just don't get hit on enough to be cute), and I get along with people very well, I just have a good personality. I know what it is! I JUST DON'T UDERSTAND GUYS!!!! and I probably never will.
Hmmmm...I'll just keep trying. (even though ***according to other people*** I shouldn't have to.)

GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why are guy's so fucking retarded??? Nah...they aren't retarded, they are just weird. I wish I could understand them. Why do they have to be so complicated? I mean they think chicks are complicated...but really, it's them! I guess it's different from their point of view. They think we are complicated we think they are complicated. But on our side of the story we can understand each other and on their side they can understand each other. But we can't understand them and they can't understand us. Is that confusing or what? I don't really even have a reason for calling guys "fucking retarded", I just felt like it.

I wanted to write something, but now that I am on the computer thinking about it I can’t think of anything to write.

I was really tired yesterday. I love my life though, I really do. And I love my sister, Lani, I am so happy that she is doing good. I went with her to an appointment today, and sitting there I realized that she is different than she used to be. I know things are hard for her. Life in general is...Hard. But she is doing good, and she is happy. That is all that matters. I love my sister and I love seeing her happy. It’s a good feeling. I remember when days weren’t so good, but now you learn to cope with changes and even if the way “things re-arrange” isn’t what you want now, maybe...just maybe it will be what you want later.

On a lighter note. I love Hazy Dayz. I didn’t sit “bitch” on the little couch last night so I couldn’t stare at the picture I always stare at. So it was different for me. Different can be good though. ***I just looked at the TWIX wrapper and it says “may contain peanuts” hahaha. I should give it to Chris. JK*** We carved pumpkins last night after the poetry reading. We were out on the patio sitting on the couch and bench thing. My pumpkins’ (Well, he’s not just my pumpkin...Ryan helped me carve him, so it’s his too :-p) name is “Billy Bob” I fucked his teeth up, so that is how he got his name.

I got ice cream with Ryan after Hazy Dayz and Pumpkin carving. We decide that since everyone was going to ditch us, ice cream sounded good. I have never seen anyone eat a whole thing of Ben & Jerry’s in one sitting. I can’t even eat ½ ! Anyways I’ll write later...Maybe.

Lesson of the day: Learn from the past, it will help the future.”

Ahhhhhahahahah!!!!!!!!!!
I am so Bad. not really but I am at work and I was checking my e-mail. That's why I said I was bad. So today is gonna rock...later! Right now it sucks, My ex has been pissing me off, someone is spreading a nasty rumor about me. And I wanna know who it is. He (my ex) was asking why I was so pissed off and I said " We'll wouldn't you be?" and know what he says... "Not if I truly did it." what a Bitch! Anyways I told him to leave me alone.
Work is pretty good though. It actually goes pretty fast, I work 8 to 5 and I am already at 12:30 wow! I haven't even taken my lunch break yet. That's when it goes really fast, after lunch. Because it's only gonna be like 3 more hours to work after lunch. Then Tucson here I come! Yeah!
I am so Excited. I get to go to Tucson today. and I get to go To HAZY DAYZ tonight! WooHoo! I'm gonna move to Tucson just for Hazy Dayz. JK. But I do like it a lot. Well I am gonna try to get back to work (thinking about Tucson got me so Excited, I might not be able to concentrate now.)

Lesson of the Day: "Don't always believe what you hear"

Dude! I haven't been writing as much as I want to... :( Like every other day I get a chance to get on-line. Not much has been going on though. I am going to Tucson tomorrow! Yeah! I don't have much time to write right now. so I am gonna go, I might have to go to my doctors tomorrow, my leg has been spazing and my foot is cold, I checked my Capillary refill (if you don't know what that means give me a call & I'll explain) and it was a lot slower than it should be.
Well I gotta go to my dad's right now to get my stuff I'm gonna sleep at my mom's tonight. bye!

Lesson of the day: "Prepare for the worst and if the outcome is good then know you were atleast prepared."

Once again I have a total lack of sleep. I went to the movies last night and saw Red Dragon with Casey. Let me say that Edward Norton is a great actor, and he took a lot of beatings in that movie. It was definetly a good movie and had some creepy parts, but it could have had a little it more of the scary stuff. Right now I'm at my mom's house we are having Steak and Trout for dinner. Yummy! and I am so exausted I think I need a small nap.