At this point today/tonight I am way more drunk than I need, or want, to be. I hate boredom. and I hate waiting for things to happen (which oddly enough I find my self doing quite often)

Wish I could just sleep until something good happens to me...That'd never work though cause ya gotta do stuff to get some thing to happen, right?

Eh, these are the drunken ramblings of a lonely girl. Doesn't it suck to be me lately. (lately being the last 8.5 months, basically since I left Hawaii)

I miss Oliver so much...

"Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays"

yeah, I sure did today. I don't know whats wrong with me. I feel so stressed out, worried, exhausted and just not myself. Who am I right now? I don't know. ugh. so much going through my head and I keep it all inside and I just want someone to understand, but I dont know how to make people understand. It's not easy for people who haven't been through what I've been through.

Oliver is coming home from afghanistan soon...real soon. He gets to go home on leave again. He wants me to go. And I really want to...

I'm scared though. Will he be different? will WE be different? and the way I care for him, I've had to say 'goodbye' to him so many times already and it kills me inside evertime I have to say 'goodbye' to that boy. I feel like I die everytime. I'm so scared.

I just wish I could stop getting hurt...