Wow it feels like it's 10:00 pm, but it's only 8pm. I am having a really good day (what little of it I had) I didn't go to bed until 6:00am this morning, and then I woke up at nine. But I went back to bed around 1 and slept until 4pm! I am so LAZY! I am getting ready to leave now, but I wanna get at least one "blog" in per day. :) Tomorrow I am going to the mountains and I'm gonna play in the snow. I had fun last night, I met a lot of really cool people, And Pat (Crystal's Boyfriend ~they are SOOOOO cute together) Has freakin Awesome friends (a few cute ones too ~Mike & Matt ;) ) nah, I love it up here in Colorado! It's so beautiful. When I was little I always wanted to move to Colorado. I love it here. It's so great....

Speaking of Moves... I've been thinking about moving to Tucson for a semester, I really like the idea of it. Tucson is really a lot better than I used to think it was. I dunno give me some feed back here. I would be coming for spring 2003. I wonder if Pima Community College has a swim team??? Anyone care to do some reasearch? We'll I'm off. Have a GREAT day & Night!

Fuck it, Have a great week...can you tell I'm loving it here?

Okay so here I am in Colorado...It's beautiful. I didn't get to see it when we drove in last night, it had been dark since New Mexico. But I went out aside, and it was so nice. It's windy the trees are losing thier leaves (it's fall) and the sky is so blue. I've seen blue sky before, don't get me wrong, but it's just perfect. Well I haven't done much today so I don't have anything to write about. Maybe I'll write later. Bye :).

All right! We made it here in one piece! Woo hoo! For those of you who I haven’t called yet (Or did call and you weren’t home)… We are here at Crystal’s house safe and sound. Yay! I am so hungry! We’ve been here for about 15 minutes. Okay well I am going to go now. I’m tired and don’t feel like writing a whole lot. Have a nice night guys. Call me if you want, my phone is still on and it doesn’t cost me extra to use it here… Voice Stream’s “South West Region” plan. I love my phone, hahaha! Okay bye guys.

so it's the 7th, but to me it's still the sixth. I haven't slept yet... to tell you the truth I am not too tired. Since to me it is stilll the sixth I will tell you what I did today. I took my first written test (for a paid position) for Surprise and El Mirage Fire Department, then I went to Tucson to see lani before I go to Colorado, and guess what! I read a poem, a poem that I wrote! Yay! I am so proud of myself. Well I am off to Colorado in a few minutes. Pray for us! I love you Lani.

November 5th… two more days and I will be on my way to Colorado. To tell you the truth I am actually nervous about the drive down there. It’s a 13-16 hour drive. We start off on Thursday (the 7th) Morning. In hopes of getting sleet instead of Ice. But the thing is that by the time we get to where the difference will be sleet or ice it will be sunset or close to sunset already. That’s what makes me nervous. Ice. Cars don’t do to good on ice. It’s going to be nice though. I can’t wait to get away for a little while! It’s been great having Crystal here. She bought me food like 3-4 times already, I hate being broke! I am supposed to take her out she’s the one visiting. But it’s awesome to have her here. The drive back to Colorado is gonna be so Crazy!
Not much else happening in my life. Casey is cool. My ex called me the other day (while I was at Casey’s house) and told me that since he was 17 (he’s 22 now) he’s loved me and that I am like a “permanent fucking scar” in his mind and that he wants me to go away. He wants me to disappear. He doesn’t ever want to talk to me again…not because he hates me but because he loves me that much, and all I am ever gonna do is hurt him… Let me fill you in. Stephen & I went out for a year and a half, we broke up about three months before I turned 16, I haven’t been his girlfriend since then, I am 19 and a half now. I feel really bad for the guy. I think his biggest problem was that he doesn’t have any confidence in him self. If he did he would be so much better off from where he is now. He is doing well though, but he just doesn’t have any confidence in himself. He really needs that. He is a pretty good-looking guy, and he’s sweet, but no one’s gonna dig him unless he boosts his self esteem. I still love him, but it’s not the kind of love that people who are dating have. I love him like he is family. You don’t just go out with someone for a year and a half and lose that, it’s there it always will be…just not the way he wants it.
Like I was saying Casey is cool. I think I’ve known him for like 3 weeks. I’m not quite sure. Oh I met him on the 18th (of October) I think…hahah. It was funny, once I took a shower over there (not with him…perverts!) And later that week he said I could take a shower over there anytime I wanted. Well I joked back with him that I didn’t want to because he didn’t have conditioner…well two days later he shows me all this stuff he bought, and the last thing he pulls out of the bag he goes “oh and this” and It was a bottle of conditioner. Awww! How cute! Cheezy grin!

Wow today is the 4th of November. I can't believe how much has changed in the last year. And how fast the last year has gone. I remember last Thanksgiving I spent part of it over at Teresa & Bruce’s. Caralynne said, “Oh, Damn it!” at the table and everyone was like “???” she is only three right now. So she was two years old at the time. She has gotten so big and is still so small. The other part of Thanksgiving I spent over at Mike’s house, but not this year. Wow, how can three years end in the blink of an eye? Just an instant and it was all over. I wonder now if it was meant to end that way? His family was always so nice to me. I wonder If this year at Thanksgiving they will miss me. I will miss them. I don’t plan on doing anything with my family this year for Thanksgiving. It’s not even my family anymore. I already know what it would be like if I went over there.

Scenario 1, With Dad’s family for Thanksgiving: Go over to dads sometime around noon. Supposed to meet April’s (step-mom’s) Family around one or two. Sit around the house and wait for and hour and a half before family at his house is even remotely looking like they are ready. They look like they are ready. Oh, nope I was wrong. Briana still has to brush her hair…(don’t get me wrong I love them all) so it’s 2:00pm now. Everyone is ready and has their shoes on and ready to go. So I head out to my car to follow them over there. I am sitting in the car waiting; it’s 2:10 now. Finally their car starts up and everyone is sitting in the van. They are ready! Oh wait no. Forgot the camera in the house. Okay it’s 2:15pm now. They found the camera and are backing out. We drive over to wherever we are going. We walk in. Dad is pissy because I didn’t ride with them. Caralynne is cranky because she didn’t get her nap today. Briana and April are fighting over something stupid like she is wearing the wrong shoes because she didn’t have enough time to find the other ones and April made her rush out of the house so she couldn’t grab them. Well we walk in the house and find out that everyone else got there at 1:30 and we are 45minutes late. WELCOME TO MY FAMILY! Lani knows what I am talking about.

Scenario 2, With Mom’s family for Thanksgiving: So we are supposed to be there at 4:00pm. It’s 4:00pm now and mom is finally ready. Richard has been ready and there is just the three of us. I can’t drive behind them if they are going out to Chandler, that’s just too far, but it might be worth it to be able to leave early (not like I have anywhere else to go) We are having thanksgiving with Richard’s (my step-dad’s) Family. And we are already late. Mom is always late, and lately she’s been a real bitch too. SO she is probably already nagging at either Richard, or me, Or Hey! Maybe even both of us! So today is already a bad day. We are late (embarrassing enough.) and she is bitching. So we get there sit on the couch for an hour and a half eat watch the football game (highlight of my day so far) sit on the couch some more. My annoying step cousin bothers me about what happened to my ankle. SO I tell him for the fourth time, Surgery. Then my stepbrother starts in on how he has all this cool shit going on. His girlfriend is the only one close to my age that isn’t totally retarded. I can have a decent conversation with her for a few minutes. I look at my phone it’s 7:30pm now…when can we go home? I wish some one would call me so I would have a reason to leave! Finally I get up and tell everyone “good bye, and how fun today was, thank you for having me. Yeah hugs for everyone have a safe drive home. Okay yeah mom I’ll call you later. No mom I don’t know what I am doing. All right mom! Bye!” Ugghhh, now she’s pissed me off with twenty questions, I am an Adult now and she treats me like a child! I hate it. I wish I had lots of money to move far away from her and still pay for my Jeep. WELCOME TO MY OTHER FAMILY! Once again Lani understands. Don’t you Lani. :)

PS: Lani is not included in either of the scenarios for 2 reasons:
One: She lives in Tucson.
And Two: She smart enough to stay there for Thanksgiving (she knows how our family is)

Well the last few days my entries have been pretty short. But at least I am trying to get them on here, right? I got back from Tucson today around 2:30 that's after taking Stina home. I would have been home by 2:00 which is freakin awesome time. We left around 12:40 that's what my clock said when we got on the freeway. Hella Cool, huh?! (wotw) anyways I am getting ready to take Crystal to visit Stephen. I dunno how long it is since she's seen him. I really don't want him to see me. The last time I saw him he was drunk and kept saying how much he loved me...For those of you who don't know him he is one of my ex-boyfriends, we went out for a year and a half. That’s a freakin long time.

Hmmm, what else is going on in my life? Let’s see. I met a guy. His name is Casey and he's freakin awesome. I really like him. And I think he likes me. But he doesn't know what he wants... don't really know any guys that do. So I guess it's good that I am going to Colorado, then we'll have time apart because I think I like him too much for what he wants. But then again I dunno what he wants. He acts like he likes me a lot. Ugghhhhh! I don't freakin know!