Sometimes I really hate memories...

It's like one second I'm sitting here totally fine and something will happen, a certain smell, part of a movie, the way I'm sitting...

Something, anything... and I'll be back in the past. A moment that made me so comfortable back then, something that made me smile... for an instant I feel that all over again. I try to stay in that moment, but as soon as I realize its just a memory, I'm ripped out of it and thrown back into "now".

That happened just now, sitting on the couch. I feel like my heart was trying to tear itself from my body. It doesn't want to be me anymore... I'm too damaged now. Fuck. I don't even wanna be me anymore. The weight of my memories crush me. I can't breathe when they come back.