been a while since I've written, I guess because my life has been fairly un-eventful. Too bad so sad...
I dunno what's wrong with me...
Beating myself up with old memories...Michael's Bro and sister-in-law called me tonight...Shon sounds so much like Michael sometimes. my knees got weak, like I was afraid of something when I heard Shon in the background. Usually I'm pretty good about that shit, but when I was talking to them (Shon & Becky) it was like "Old Times". Like they were all excited about my fire fighter stuff and Shon said that maybe he'll help out with my class.
They we're my family...
and he took it all away and I really miss them. I feel like crying right now.

I'm crying out for help right now...but theres nothing that can be done. What can anyone do for me? Sit and listen to me ramble on about my pain. No. I don't need that kind of help. I don't need the kind of help that drags others into my pit. So I keep myself busy 24/7 so it's easy to ignore stupid shit that I dont need to remember. Nothing wrong with that, it helps, right? yes...it does. My mind is calling out for someone to just sit with me, but my mouth never says the words, no matter how much I need it.