~Nothing...and yet Everything~
I can't explain the thoughts that are going through my head. *song of the moment: "Whiskey Lullaby" Brad Paisley & Allison Krauss*
I'm so scared of next month. I'm Afraid of Oliver leaving. And i know how I'll feel if somehting happends to him while he is gone. Combat. I know what possibilities are there, and I think about it so much...
I wish now that I was more ignorant, clueless or even stupid. Because this, what could happen, knowledge is killing me inside.

"years and years, she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath. She finally drank her pain away a little at a time. But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind. Until the night, she put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger. And finally drank away his memory. Life is short, but this time it was bigger than the strength she had to get up off her knees. We found her with her face down in a pillow clinging to his picture for dear life, we laid her next to him beneath the willow while the angels sang a whiskey lullaby..."

I'm so scared.
I think about how things are going to be back home. How things are going to be when I can't hold him while I sleep, kiss him when I wake up, I won't be able to just sit next to him, watch movies with him, BBQ, Halo, naps, phone calls. Just him in letters...thats all I'll get.

God...I must be dreaming. This can't be happening to me. "We found him with his face down in a pillow, with a note that said I'll Love her til I Die..."
No, this can't be my life.

Why?