Last night I got some of the worst news of my life...It is most definetly ranked in the top 5. Although I am not sure what position I would put it at, the fact that it is (has started) happening right now makes it seem much worse that any of the other four, only because I have already dealt with the others and made it though, and if anything came out of those other four I might be a stronger person...but those other things made me who I am. In no particular order the other four were:
#1} When I got the call about Joanna being in the hospital.
#2} My parents getting separated(and eventually divorced).
#3} The call saying the cat I'd had since I was 3 was within her last few hours of life.
#4} Finding out I would need surgery on my Achillies tendon. 

So this new "news" to me? The love of my life...The man I would do anything for and give up everything for... mein alles... Is going to be sent to a combat zone.

My initial reaction to the phone call telling me this? Desperation. Derived from fear. I cried. I thought "why? why is this happening to me. Damn the Marine Corps! Damn this stupid 'war'. And Damn ME for thinking that my marine was not going to be sent away!"
My heart hurts so much. I cried for what seemed like hours but was not truly that much. Every minute that I am not near him seems like hours, hours seem like days, and so on through time.
With a little help from my mother I was able to slightly calm down. She's a smart woman and gives good advice. There are many reasons why I live my mother and this is one of them, but it will not stop me from hurting. It will, though, help me to understand why I must hurt.

I love Oliver. That was my choice. It was his choice that he joined the Marine Corps, and he is happy to finally be doing what he signed up to do. As much as it hurts me I must be happy for him and strong for him. My being unhappy will not stop him from going, it will only increase my misery and his also, and he doesn't need that. I should enjoy what time is left before he goes, so that is what I will try to do.
"The pain, it seems, will never end..."