I was thinking tonight of all the things I've gone through in the last year, reading some of my old blogs. I dunno, it's weird. Like I feel upset alot because so much bad has happened this year and no one here seems to really give a shit that I'm not exactly happy when I should be.

I thought about that. and I wondered "why?"
is it me? is it in my head? I always hear people complaining to me. "oh, *this* is going wrong for me, and everything about *this* sucks...blah blah blah" I'm getting really tired of it. I don't bitch to my friends about how the guy I was head over heals for got shipped to Afghanistan, or how I've had six (SIX!!!) friends die overseas in the last half a year, or how everynight I can't sleep because all I do is stay awake wondering how things would be if Oliver never left would my life been different... Their problems seem so stupid and childish compared to mine.

I wonder if that makes me a selfish person... I don't bother my friends or even my family with my problems because either they wont be able to comprehend the pain I go through everyday, or they'll know the real me. No one has known her for a long time, and I'd rather keep her hidden. It's just easier to do that.

I'd rather cry alone than have everyone know how weak I sometimes am...