So, it's Friday night...The highlight of my night tonight is...McDuffy's with some of the Cadets, in fact I just got the call to go. So I'm off! Wish me luck (that I get hit on by a hot guy! hahaha)

So, my day has been interesting. Even my mom says I need a boyfriend. My God! I feel so lame. I have a meeting with the Cadets in like almost an hour, and here I am sitting at the library. *highlight of my day!* I didn't really have much to write today. I wrote christina a letter last night. :) Hopefully she gets it, I dont know if she ever got my last one. Well, time to go to the meeting, I gotta go home and change.

It's been a long time since I wrote last...I start my Firefighter 1-2 in 10 days, my God 10 days!

So here's whats going on in my mind: I just got a copy of a letter that my best friend sent to my other best friend. Everything in that letter I knew already (about Pat being a cheating, lying, Bitch! *I hope he reads this so he knows what he is!*) Now I'm just pissed off. I wish I could make her see what I see. She's so much better than almost anyone out there and he treats her like dirt. I don't know what to say to her. :( I feel so helpless. I'v ecome across hard things with guys in my life, been treated like shit...been handled like trash. But as much as it hurt to leave I knew it would only get worse if I stayed. I can't make her see that The words I want her to hear never come out of my mouth. Too afraid...afraid that I'm gonna hurt her (by saying it) more than he is (by doing it), afraid that she might get mad at me and not want to talk to me again. reading the letter she sent me all I could think about was how much he deserves to get his ass kicked, and how much I would love to be the one to do it. She was telling something about a fight they'd had...I was just sitting here thinking that if a guy would have said that to me I would be bawling my ass off. Then I wondered if she'd cried...he deserves a lot worse than a beating if he made her cry. Then I wondered if she didn't cry...I don't want him to make her numb...numb to life, live, pain, joy...I just want her happy. I wonder if she's happy still with him. I wonder if there is ever a time when she's with him that she thinks "God, I still love him" and smiles to herself because of his company...It makes me want to vomit thinking that there is still something in him that might please her. But I am not her. I don't know what she is thinking or feeling. I'm not there in the room next to her anymore, and I cant walk out my door 10 steps and see the look on her face. Because If I could then I would know all the things I don't right now. I hurt thinking about what he's done to her...what he's still doing to her? *sigh* I wish I knew, and i wish I had the strength to say what I think. I guess I'm afraid that she wouldn't listen either...

Well, I don't have much to write really. I'm just kinda bored. I'm at my moms office. *ugh* I think my brain will explode from boredom.
Last Saturday I went to Mexico! Puerto Penasco ( I think I spelled it right)! Dude It was bad ass!!! It was Jo, Derek & I. That was really fun. :) We spent the night up there and it only cost us $35 for our room. Sweet huh?

It's 4:32am, in less than one hour I'll be at Thunderbird Mountain doing PT to get ready for my Fire Operations class.
You know I was thinking earlier ....I feel lonley sometimes. It's almost been the whole summer, my first summer in six years without a boyfriend. I know I won't have one by the end of the summer, I'm sure I won't have one during my Fire Op's class...Not enough time *unless he cared enough to make the time for me, I haven't had a guy do that in a long time. I joke that it's about the sex, but it's not really that (maybe a little hehehehe) I guess someone to be around. A good friend, I have a good *guy* friend right now, but this is the last weekend I'll spend with him ("spend" is such a, I dunno, seems like it's a strong feeling word, but it's not like that for him & me, just friends =p)
It's okay. I've got the guys...and I want to start running with Jay and Chewy (so if you are reading this you better call me!) time to go get ready for PT. wish me luck...

Well, Yesterday was Awesome!
I picked up my Turnouts for my Fire Op's 1-2 class starting in the fall. I can't believe it. *sigh* okay, so right now I'm at the UofA waiting for my friend Derek to take this freakin math test. I have to go now though. but go take my quiz :-p
What do you really think of me?

wish me luck...

Holy crap it's been almost a month since I have posted!!! A lot has happened since then. The pool was going great, I was coaching 7 & 8 year old swim team with Derek and our kids loved us. We were the best coaches there. BUT...Some people had other plans I guess. Sunday night I went to Denny's with Derek and we ended up throwing up all night long (FUCK DENNY'S!) So anyways I finally fell asleep around 6:30am...needless to say at 7:30 when my alarm went off I didn't hear it. So when I woke up at 10am and finally called in, people were pissed. I no longer have a job, adn life is well...shit. I don't know what to do. I haven't told my mom yet. She's gonna be pissed, and I'd rather her not know until I have a new job.
So my goal tomorrow...to find a new job. Wish me luck. Breathe Deep...

Muuu-ahhahaha!
Don't ask, I totally felt like saying that though. I'm having a great day! Worked for 2.5(ish) hours, got some good food while I was there (FREE FOOD!!!!), got an Xbox (boo-yah!) and a few nice games...and my favorite Xbox game. Lani and I have been laying Xbox since 7pm, and it's 11:52 now...hahaha. Jo is all over "Munches Oddesy"! nice!!! And some friends are coming over to hang out and watch a movie! shibby! well back to video games!

Damn dude! work was short today :) 8am-11am...no swim team, but check this shit! I got in trouble for playing sharks and minnows with my class, what kind of CRAP is that.
Anyways, we (Jessica, Jason, Derek, and I) went out to lunch after work. Yummy. Derek is a stud, and I had told that to Jason last week some time, I guess he told Derek on Sunday when they were vaccuming the pool and today at lunch Jason goes "Derek I told Jonya that I told you on Sunday"...Yeah so both of us turn totally red. nice...

been a while since I've written, I guess because my life has been fairly un-eventful. Too bad so sad...
I dunno what's wrong with me...
Beating myself up with old memories...Michael's Bro and sister-in-law called me tonight...Shon sounds so much like Michael sometimes. my knees got weak, like I was afraid of something when I heard Shon in the background. Usually I'm pretty good about that shit, but when I was talking to them (Shon & Becky) it was like "Old Times". Like they were all excited about my fire fighter stuff and Shon said that maybe he'll help out with my class.
They we're my family...
and he took it all away and I really miss them. I feel like crying right now.

I'm crying out for help right now...but theres nothing that can be done. What can anyone do for me? Sit and listen to me ramble on about my pain. No. I don't need that kind of help. I don't need the kind of help that drags others into my pit. So I keep myself busy 24/7 so it's easy to ignore stupid shit that I dont need to remember. Nothing wrong with that, it helps, right? yes...it does. My mind is calling out for someone to just sit with me, but my mouth never says the words, no matter how much I need it.

hehehe...I got kissed on Monday! YAY!
Why the big deal you may ask? uhhh...because I say so that's why! Nah, I think he's a great guy...and we could do some cool things together. It's just that no one has kissed me in a REALLY long time. So it totally made me feel good. (plus he's really hot! hehehe)
Tuesday: Work at pool (0800-1300) and work on AR155 (1300-2200) we had dinner at 151 (*grin* I love that station!) There was the two engines (8 guys total) plus us (3 of us) and then a Rescue (2 more guys) So many people, it was great! At ten went and played Halo at Jay's...*Nice* I was so close (in one game) to Matt's # of kills...But *ugh* I kept dying...So I lost.
WednesdayWork at the pool (0800-1300) Then...didn't do SHIT all day long. :(
tomorrow I have drivers training at 6am! *ugh* and I think it goes until 5pm *double UGH*
I feel like playing video games...

So...I took that sex test again at www.thespark.com...definetly a different answer this time! here it is! ->
Congrats! In your life, you'll have sex with
35 people!
Including the __you've already had sex with,
that makes __new lovers! You are 49% sexy.
That's a lot of fucking (hehehe, no pun intended) people. I don't think I like the sound of that. hmmmm. But I am 49% sexy! nice. :-p....
so, uh, Haaaaayyyyy baaabbyyy! *wink wink* How you doin' ?
here's the rest of what it says:
0 of them will be female
__ of them will be male
And you will actually love 1 of them!
You have an untapped source of sexual energy.
always good to know. ~5~

Damn, J-Lo! You are...
72%
dateable! Attractive and confident, witty and charming, a healthy ambrosia-based diet... you're wanted in the 48 contiguous states, you slayer. Call me. Seduce me. Make me a man (or woman.) Not only do you know how to turn a guy's (or girl's) engines on, but you also know how to oil, lube and rotate it. You put the "elation" back into "relationship," and the "night" back into "one-night stand."

YAY! GO take the Dateable test!!! I think 72% is good. :-p

I am 45% Slut....

NICE!!!!!!! THAT is less than the Average of 46% (only one point my ass!)
Anyways, 45% is good...much better than the sex test Yesterday..."you will sleep with 17 people"
Me:17 MORE people?
Ed: (reading the page out loud) in addition to the __ that you've already slept with...

Oh! the horror!!!!! hahahaha

well, my life is odd. I've made a desicion though. I want to be a fire fighter (that I already knew) so that's all I'm going to worry about. I'm so tired of guys. fuck 'em I'm not even going to bother with them. I don't need a boyfriend any ways. Know what I do need? an Xbox yeah, I need one of those. hehehe. Nah, I just want one. So my Major goal in life is to get on with the Fire Department...my Minor goal, get an Xbox. Yeah, I don't care about being single, single is fun...I can go out and do what ever I want and not worry about having to tell someone what I did all night. *sigh* I like getting hugs though...I'll just start hugging all my guy friends. (yeah, that'll do)...what other aspects of a relationship do I miss. uhhh? There is always that Which I can go without...for now. hahaha! I miss just sitting on the couch with my head in his lap getting my hair played with. Hmmmm, I'll just have to find one of my guy friends that is comfortable doing that. IT's not like I need a boyfriend anyways. I mean all of the "important to be in a relationship" parts of the year are over and far away.
Example(s): Thanksgiving (6months away), My FireFighter I-II Graduation (6.5 mo), Christmas (7 mo), New Years (7.5 mo), Valentines (9 mo), My B-day (11 mo)
See? I don't have to worry about the "Boyfriend" thing for 5 more months. (Five is me!!!!! ~5~)
TAKE THIS TEST

okay. I've been hella busy the last week (and then some) Tuesday (the 20th) I went and watched Chewy & Scott, and Marie Graduate...all so grown up now. *sigh* I feel so OLD!!!!!! I can't believe it. Later that night I ended up going to the Lake until like 2:30am. It was sweet, I faced a fear (swam to the bouy in the middle of the night...so dark, who knows what is in that water). Wednesday, rode the AR van...no good calls, did i even run a complete call??? I think 2 yes. Thursday, rode on the Engine for about 10 hours, got like 3 (0r 4) calls. Friday Rode out in Daisy Mountain, 8am to 8pm...Snake Removal was the big call of the day (ran 2 calls total). Saturday, worked out at the Phoenix Training Academy. Sunday, Cliff Jumping and 3 hours of puking after getting wasted playing Halo. Monday...slept, and slept, and slept...then played B-ball (almost won against 6 guys) and played more Halo, then watched National Security with Chewy. (hehehe, Matt) Tuesday...didn't do much. Slept, drove a lot. Got tires rotated. Going to watch movies! BooYah!

holy shit! it's been a long time since I posted. Not that anyone reads this and gets worried when I don't write (not that anyone reads it period) Anyways, I was thinking about Crystal today (my big sis) not like a worried kind or thinking...Just thinking, she was on my mind. I wish she'd move to AZ, I highly doubt that will ever happen...But I can dream can't I? Fuck it, I gotta go to bed. It's almost one and I gotta get up EARLY! Oh, also I want to add in that The Matrix Reloaded was bad ASS! Saw it last night and tonight. Shibby! Night guys, Breathe Deep. ~5~

Are You HOT or NOT?

Well, well, well....So, I checked out that Hot or Not website...out of sheer boredome (okay, okay some curiosity too) I posted a Profile on me....I am rated a 5.9 out of 10...WTF, there are ugly people on that site that have better ratings then me! Click here to rate me!!! Would you believe that there are some people that have given me ones...ONES!!! I know I'm not a one...I consider 5 average, and one is like freakin' ugly, I don't give anyone ones....What's up with that? Anyway, Obviously some people think I'm ugly...I don't think so. Those bastards!!!!!